The Never Ending Story

[Captain]

15 hours ago, Captain said:

TWO IMPORTANT CLARIFICATIONS.

1 - It is incorrect, as has been suggested by a few of Turbo's enemies/opponents, in the serious aviation (avref) section of Wreck Flying (avref), that the above damage to his right hand was the results of his many months alone as a forward scout up the Khyber.

2 - In response to the numerous calls that have been fielded by Cappy from somewhat supercilious members of Wreck Flying, and from Moderator 12 ..... who is just super silly, demanding that the NES contain more avrefs (avref), Cappy wishes to make it clear that Turb's name is, amongst other things, also a shortening of the word "Turbulence" (avref), and therefore avrefs have been abundant for yonks.

Edited August 7 by Captain

[turboplanner]

...undo the bolts and go for it or just hit it off with an axe.

In Paree, Turbo was so distressed at the poor performances of the Australian rowing team that he'd offered to help out if they needed him.

He volunteered Cappty too as Stroke, but Cappy was missing which was never a good sign in the afternoons.

He finally found Cappy sitting at the bottom of the Eiffel Tower stairs getting an Eiffel.

He was just about to drag Cappy back to the rowing, in case they were needed when a Peugeot Humvee braked to a stop.

The driver, in the distinctive powder blue of the French Foreign Legion uniform which blends so well with the desert yelled out "Alors! Turbo" and threw him a 50 cal. 

"We need you on the Seine" he said "Someone has said they are going to fly down the river in a Pterodactyl [avref] and we think he has strapped Exploseev to his chest, and added "Can that dog sniff gunpowder?"

Cappy flinched, but manfully ..........

 

[Captain]

.... got down on all 4s and commenced to demonstrate his sniffing ability, right up the FFL blokes .....

Edited August 7 by Captain

[turboplanner]

2 hours ago, Captain said:

.... got down on all 4s and commenced to demonstrate his sniffing ability, right up the FFL blokes .....

......ear. What is not generally knownis that FFL members are very short, but they've developed one of the best fighting skills in the world which is to run through the Sudanese legs with an upward bite as they go through. There is never a problem when the next FFL goes out.

 

Cappy struggled to lift the 50 cal. but got it and the FFL commander stationed them up the Eiffel Tower.

 

There were some uneasy moments after Cappy shot a couple of Marathon runners by mistake but that was all forgiven when his deadly shot a mile out saved President Macron.

 

It was even better when President Macron put a band aid on his ear, won the election and awarded Cappy and Turbo (who'd had to hold the gun still) le Legionne d' Honneur, but .......

 

[Captain]

16 hours ago, turboplanner said:

It was even better when President Macron put a band aid on his ear, won the election and awarded Cappy and Turbo (who'd had to hold the gun still) le Legionne d' Honneur, but .......

...... then they were required to kiss Macron's wife/husband.

 

Turbo puckered up 1st and laid one on him/her, only to be ......

[turboplanner]

....outdone by bull who.......

[bull]

1 hour ago, turboplanner said:

....outdone by bull who.......

.....layed on her/him/it/whatever.....  ,  one of his best Bone rissole perfected [Mavis} kisses and proceeded to................

Edited August 9 by bull

[Captain]

1 hour ago, bull said:

.....layed on her/him/it/whatever.....  ,  one of his best Bone rissole perfected [Mavis} kisses and proceeded to................

...... use his most successful Bone Rissole pick-up mechanism, as he smooched her/him/it/they while playing the pokies using his .......

Edited August 9 by Captain

[turboplanner]

.....Prawn badge instead of money.

The disadvantage was that you were only paid in prawns when you won, but HHIT didn't seem to care and bull didn't ........................

[Captain]

5 hours ago, turboplanner said:

.....Prawn badge instead of money.

The disadvantage was that you were only paid in prawns when you won, but HHIT didn't seem to care and bull didn't ........................

..... mind a prawn sanga while courting Macron's spouse, because bull always goes straight for the prize, as like many of us NESers, he is starting to run out of years. 

 

Using great care not to misgender her, which is also essential in Tazzy, bull went full ......

Edited August 9 by Captain

[turboplanner]

....wot, or to precise he SAID he was going wot. As many people know, the French don't always live up to the claims they make around the world and HHIT disappeared into the crowd leaving bull.......

[Captain]

4 hours ago, turboplanner said:

....wot, or to precise he SAID he was going wot. As many people know, the French don't always live up to the claims they make around the world and HHIT disappeared into the crowd leaving bull.......

...... with just the below photo to commemorate his moment of brief yet extreme passion.

 

So, having been dumped by the below HHIT in blue, bull was in Paris, footloose and fancy-free, with time on his hands, the Olympics underway with the closing ceremony approaching, and Airbus (avref) begging for him to visit them for some promotional celebrity filming with a few hot models.

 

However, bull had a higher and more altruistic calling, because given the prang in Brazil, ATR (avref) were also very keen to get bull down to Blagnac to exclusively utilise his experience & skills with flat spins (avref), to lead their internal investigation and to ......

 

Edited August 10 by Captain

[turboplanner]

.......have him do his famous FS at treetop level, so they could film it and analyse where this hapless crew would have gone wrong.  In years gone by on this site we would have had Loxie to tell us what happened, and he would have got two or three of us to joing in a dogfight, common practice in the AUF, and sometimes the only way to get away from him was to FS down to get under the trees on someone's drive and surprise them at the Sunday, blowing even the sausages away, but ..................

[Captain]

...... those days are sadly gone, with Loxie now a decrepit sight wandering around Wagga X 2, not in his bear can, but constantly sipping from one and lighting fires so that he can put them out.

 

However while Loxie was/is a great bloke and a treasured friend, his skills at Flat Spinning were amateurish compared to bull's.

 

Therefore ATR handcuffed bull into a 500, deactivated the deicing system and took him up to FL 20, when the 2 other pilots parachuted out, saying "Over to vous, Monsieur le Taureau."

 

bull responded using his natural skills and inate muscle memory by .....

Edited August 11 by Captain

[turboplanner]

......utilising the secondary effect of rudder  and throwing himself forward for pitch. He had to release his harness for this of course and then overcooked it and.........

[Captain]

2 hours ago, turboplanner said:

......utilising the secondary effect of rudder  and throwing himself forward for pitch. He had to release his harness for this of course and then overcooked it and.........

..... impaled himself you-know-where on the parking brake, where its strange shape and large end made for a painful .....

 

 

[turboplanner]

On 12/08/2024 at 10:53 AM, Captain said:

..... impaled himself you-know-where on the parking brake, where its strange shape and large end made for a painful .....

 

 

......wound but bull didn’t even flinch; he was made of the Right Stuff. bull gathered himself.......

[Captain]

12 hours ago, turboplanner said:

......wound but bull didn’t even flinch; he was made of the Right Stuff. bull gathered himself.......

..... and applied full power to the port engine while adding full right rudder.

 

"Oh" he thought (but without the capital O) "That doesn't quite feel right & might not be correct, so he dug the Flight Manual out from under the seat, which was written in a mix of French and Italian, so bull calmly sighed, (he is a cool guy, which is why we all hold him in such high regard) then also booted up his phone translation App (but without the capital A) and as usual .....

Edited August 13 by Captain

[onetrack]

......the translation appeared in all lower-case letters (which MS and Google endorse, and which feature bull loves, because it makes typing so easy), and after slowly reading the translation (because bull was trained not to do anything too fast), he was amazed to get a message that said.....

[turboplanner]

........."yew have reached the Vvoicemail of ....................................................

[Captain]

5 hours ago, turboplanner said:

........."yew have reached the Vvoicemail of ....................................................

...... The ATR Retired Test Pilot's Association (actually voiced in a mix of French and Italian). Please leave a message at the beep, but if you are in a flat spin, we suggest that you just bend over and kiss your ......

[turboplanner]

.........but before the ATRTPA could finish, bull saw that the kiss wasn't necessary; right before his eyes was this little tag: "When all else fails, turn it off, then turn it on again.

 

bull whipped around and flipped the mag switch off, then on again. There was a burst of power, the aircraft shook, but it was out of the flat sping just as a flock of startled plovers took off beside him.

 

He'd arrested enough downforce to perform a Downforce Landing, alighting as gently as the feather tickling his nose .........................

 

[Captain]

..... and he strode outside with his cap at a jaunty angle and with his usual confident strut, that is so well known on levels 2 or 3 of the pokie floors at the bone rissole.

 

The French crowd went crazy. "Bis, bis" they yelled, so old bull, ever the entertainer, turned and ......

Edited August 15 by Captain

[bull]

7 hours ago, Captain said:

..... and he strode outside with his cap at a jaunty angle and with his usual confident strut, that is so well known on levels 2 or 3 of the pokie floors at the bone rissole.

 

The French crowd went crazy. "Bis, bis" they yelled, so old bull, ever the entertainer, turned and ......

.said in almost fluent French ,,,,

Merci pour votre soutien mes amis,,,Maintenant, où est le bar...the crowd roared and surged towards the bar slapping Bull on his back saying ,,

Cet homme qui a fait preuve d'une telle habileté et d'une telle audace était étonnant alors que vous commandiez cet avion, monsieur...Bull tried very hard to hide the fact that he could not really.............

Edited August 15 by bull

[Captain]

..... give a rats about this bunch of new Australians, and really just needed to get to the karzi quick stix to change his .....