The Never Ending Story

[turboplanner]

.......trousers. It was there that he met a seedy little man who offered him a fly in a genuine Quicksilver with.........................................

[Captain]

..... genuine mercury used as .....

 

Cappy apologises for the crappy quicksilver joke (sic). [Ahpox would have got it].

Edited August 15 by Captain

[turboplanner]

......a weight and balance device. So when you did the “AUF Descent” pulling back on the stick in the hope that the QS wouldn’t drop, the mercury trigger shoots a stream of mercury up to the front. It ha saved.......

 

Keep those (sic) jokes coming Cappy!

[Captain]

17 hours ago, turboplanner said:

......a weight and balance device. So when you did the “AUF Descent” pulling back on the stick in the hope that the QS wouldn’t drop, the mercury trigger shoots a stream of mercury up to the front. It ha saved.......

..... numerous AUFers when they got a bit overexcited on base at Natfly, where mercury refills were sold for $10,000/lb.

 

Turbo and OT had heard that mercury levels were high in top marine predators, so set up the new TurdzOT Marine Mercury Harvesting Company based in Ceduna, where they took advantage of the indigenous industries tax concessions because Uncle Turdy claimed 17.4375% aboriginal blood and OT added his 0.7% heritage after that sordid and taudry affair that he had with a native goddess when completing his PhD in .....

[turboplanner]

....English as he is spoken. OT had verballed .......

[Captain]

48 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

....English as he is spoken. OT had verballed .......

..... a comparison, eh, between King Arthur's sword Excalibur and the aboriginal aviation legend of the ......

[onetrack]

......Interior, Wun Bung Wing. Now Wun Bung Wing could not only claim Aboriginal bloodlines, he could also claim Chinese bloodlines because his Dad was a Chinese maritime trader who made regular trips "Down Under", to sell cheap Chinese goods to the Natives - thus leading to the longstanding tradition amongst Australians of regularly buying cheap Chinese crap.

 

Now Wun Bung Wing, with his natural aerial skills honed by manufacturing many hundreds of spears and boomerangs - and after becoming famous and highly sought-after for his products - became totally enamoured with flight in heavier-than-air machines, the day he saw a kitbuilt STOL aircraft land near his spear and boomerang manufacturing setup in a gunyah, 150 NM SE of Alice Springs.

 

This kitbuilt was flown by none other than.........

[turboplanner]

........C.T.Barnum who had started his aviation career by swing from a rope hanging by his teeth. This paid a lot better than a new CPL trying to get into RPT, and he was soom able to afford the Quicksilver which had been in stock for four years it had a reconditioned ...................

[Captain]

..... BLUE Head after it had cold seized when kicked over at the end of the production line in the factory. 

 

CT & Wun Bung Wing became friends and this heralded a period of enhanced US/Chinese relationship, until CT was getting stuck into the Coors Light on night, and asked WBW why he was so thin and did he perhaps as a child get One Bung Tit.

 

WBW's reaction was ........

Edited August 18 by Captain

[turboplanner]

........telling as, like lightning he pulled a dagger from the folds of his Chinese dress (WBW was one of the few Chinese who never put on the blue overalls let alone took them off), and struck at CT's heart, but CT didn't have one (like many people from the north). This allowed just the nano-second CT needed to unleash the 222 Brno where it would do the most damage.

 

However, he breathed in just at the wrong moment and ..............................

 

[bull]

5 hours ago, turboplanner said:

........telling as, like lightning he pulled a dagger from the folds of his Chinese dress (WBW was one of the few Chinese who never put on the blue overalls let alone took them off), and struck at CT's heart, but CT didn't have one (like many people from the north). This allowed just the nano-second CT needed to unleash the 222 Brno where it would do the most damage.

 

However, he breathed in just at the wrong moment and ..............................

 

.............and caught a whiff of Wun Bung Wing,s BO and nearly suffocated as they dragged him past.........

[Captain]

4 hours ago, bull said:

.............and caught a whiff of Wun Bung Wing,s BO and nearly suffocated as they dragged him past.........

..... an EPA Sampling Station. 

"If I can analyze that pong, I reckon that there is a quid in reconstituting it" said Turdy, who knows such things. "I'll then Dutch auction it to Russia or Ukraine in commercial quantities at wartime prices, after which Turbine Stink Factory & WMD will be the next Blackrock. Then Wun Bung Wing will be ....

 

 

 

 

Edited August 18 by Captain

[turboplanner]

.........Vice President, Supply and we'll give him a Hyundai Pallisades company car.

CT was miffed at this; He didn't miss the big Holden Statesman or the Ford LTD; he too was one of the people who screamed for cheaper cars and the Pallisades made him salivate every time he saw it on the road, which was rarely, so he ........................

[onetrack]

.....went down to the shed and pulled out the faithful old Morris Minor that had served as his farm transport for many years, and measured it for the fitment of an engine and seats and dashboard from a wrecked Palisade. If he could acquire a Palisade cheaply, the only option was to turn the Morry Minor into a Morris Palisade.

 

CT worked on the Morris Palisade for months and months. It was terribly exacting and energy-draining work - and what was worse, it cut into relaxing bunny-popping time. But finally, he could see some promising results from his efforts. He only had to do one more.........

 

(and here, dear NES readers, we have a sneak, undercover photo of CT's project, well on its way to completion. Note the cunning use of electric fans for additional propulsion, an idea gained from CT's long aviation experiences.......)

 

[Captain]

41 minutes ago, onetrack said:

here, dear NES readers, we have a sneak, undercover photo of CT's project, well on its way to completion. Note the cunning use of electric fans for additional propulsion, an idea gained from CT's long aviation experiences.......)

..... but, as usual CT went 2 or 3 steps too far.

 

It was fair enough that he widened the body to take the Pallisade dash, then he lengthened it to accept the Pallisade's tailshaft, but his biggest mistake was to enlarge the centre of the grill to take the Pallisade's radiator. 

 

See below photos.

 

The 1st injunction was lobbed by GMH, and then from .....

 

The original Morry before modification.

 

CT's Morry after the Pallisade bits were incorporated and he modified the grill.

[turboplanner]

................six AUF members who said it was plagiarism and there was nothing wrong with the basic Drifter and anyway Queenslanders wouldn't ................................

[Captain]

2 hours ago, turboplanner said:

.....six AUF members who said it was plagiarism and there was nothing wrong with the basic Drifter and anyway Queenslanders wouldn't ......

.... understand Crappy's poor attempt at automotive humour, as the 1948 FX with the early grey motor is still a current model up there, just like the Auster and the Chipmunk have recently been released at Archerfield, to rave reviews.

 

The Qld AUF members were also still wearing suits & ties with leather helmets whenever they flew, plus ......

Edited August 19 by Captain

[onetrack]

......they were constantly grumbling at the inability to acquire castor oil in bulk for engine lubrication, and fretted about the fact that Gnome et Rhone parts were becoming increasingly hard to find - and this coupled with the youngsters who laughed at aeroplanes with wire-strutted double wings, made them feel that they were...........

 

Edited August 20 by onetrack

[Captain]

3 hours ago, onetrack said:

......they were constantly grumbling at the inability to acquire castor oil in bulk for engine lubrication, and fretted about the fact that Gnome et Rhone parts were becoming increasingly hard to find - and this coupled with the youngsters who laughed at aeroplanes with wire-strutted double wings, made them feel that they were...........

 

...... on a winner, living in a world of constant and actual live nostalgia (Jesse Owens will be running in the Brisbane Olympics).

 

The depth of what has subsequently been defined as "nostalgitis", was when the Qld AUF legislated that all engines are required to be fitted, or immediately retrofitted under an Qld generated AN, with drip lubricated external valve springs, and that additional points would be awarded if those springs were of the clothes peg type.

 

The lack of castor oil, as defined correctly by the singularoute, became a major problem, however when the Bjelke Peterson family donated 5 te of peanut oil, the Qld AUF ........

Edited August 20 by Captain

[turboplanner]

........wrote a song about them.

Sadly we can't print the lyrics here because of the foul Queensland guttural language but suffice to say that it involved a horse and piggery.

 

Alert NES readers will have noticed that Cappy has used the rare Queensland measure for peanut oil, the te. No one knows what this is short for, but it's used because of the difficulty seeing through a steel vat, so the operator measures by the slurpy sound which changes as the level rises in the vat.

 

Peanut oil of course is currently being stored by the millions of te in the old Pinkenba by Turbine Oil Ltd.

 

Not many people know that Peanut Oil can be refined to a higher standard that 95 octane and doesn't produce any CO2, and with increasing numbers of EV owners browned of by the maintenance charges, no spare tyres and bucket handling of EVs and about to jump ship, TOL are about to launch the solution which..............................

 

 

[Captain]

18 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

Not many people know that Peanut Oil can be refined to a higher standard that 95 octane and doesn't produce any CO2, and with increasing numbers of EV owners browned of by the maintenance charges, no spare tyres and bucket handling of EVs and about to jump ship, TOL are about to launch the solution which .........

...... is a great initiative, and being pushed hard by Turbine Cheap Crappy Chinese EVs & IC engines PLC (the Blue Chip stock with the catchy sticker code of TCCCEVICEPLC)

 

However these Chinese vehicles are all lactose intolerant, and peanut oil gives them the runs ..... sometimes both simultaneously, so these cars all need a recharge or a refuel every time they get a wiff of sate outside a Thai restaurant or if they see a lactating cow.

 

So the use of peanut oil, even to lubricate bearings and seals, let alone as fuel, meant that the ....

Edited August 20 by Captain

[turboplanner]

......demographics of every city and every town in Australia would have to be changed, so Albo  issued a million and a half letters which began,  "Dear valued immigrant, we regret to advise that due to unforseen circumstances your services are no longer required, so you need to go back to Thailand within 14 days and take your stick food with you. Here's a free ticket, on Thai Airways"

and signed "Your beloved Prime Minister"

....not surprisingly there was outrage in the community, not for the Thais but for the Latte set who'd just lost their evening meal, so Albo gave them coupons for Hungry Jacks.

"They either use these or they'll be Hungry Jacks" he said, sniggering.

Unfortunately for Albo he was caught on tape and..................

[Captain]

11 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

"They either use these or they'll be Hungry Jacks" he said, sniggering.

Unfortunately for Albo he was caught on tape and ..........

..... as a result, Maccas sent a 6 page letter which basically said "What about us?" then added words to the effect of "Forthwith and henceforth, unless we are included in this Aussie "Burger-gate" we will advise the CFMEU and the Monguls that they'll get no more kickback scorching Apple Pies, nor will .....

[turboplanner]

....they get Slurpies.

The Head of the Tasmania chapter Bull (not THE bull but an insipid copy) went to the Deloraine Maccas and very deliberately spilt his Hot Choc Sandae all over the table and then gave a knowing look as a warning to the Manager, thirteen year old Luke.

 

Luke quietly picked up the phone  and made a few calls.

 

Ten minutes later as Bull was still sniggering on his Harley he came round a corner to find a 300 foot Tasmanian Blue Gum lying across the road.

 

As he wheeled the Harley around Bull saw the 6'4" Tasmanian axeman "Dougie" standing on the trunk fingering his Stihl Brute like a butcher. Bull gave him the finger and thought he soon be outa here.

 

Two corners later he rounded the corner to find another Blue Gum across his path and this time "Grantly" who was about 8 axe handles wide at the full stretch.

 

He wheeled the Harley around only to find ...........................

 

 

[Captain]

..... Bruce, a 60 kgs wood chipping protester and "friend" of Bob Brown, who was riding a Honda 50, had tie dyed clothes, dreadlocks, a skin disorder, an interest in Airfix model planes (avref) and a ......

Edited August 21 by Captain