The Never Ending Story

[onetrack]

....set of coke-bottle glasses that would do any Japanese tertiary student proud. Bull laughed and gunned the Harley at him, but at the last second, saw the razor wire, and dropped the bike, skating along the bitumen and wearing the pattern and colours and words off his Mongols jacket, faster than a Council worker scrubbing rude graffiti off the Council Chambers windows.

 

Bull came to a sliding halt against the butt of a huge mill stump, rolled onto all fours, sighted the damage to his jacket, and screamed. "My jacket!! My Jacket!!!" - leading to at least twenty people ........

 

Edited August 21 by onetrack

[Captain]

1 hour ago, Captain said:

..... and "friend" of Bob Brown ......

NTTIAWWT.

[Captain]

33 minutes ago, onetrack said:

Bull came to a sliding halt against the butt of a huge mill stump, rolled onto all fours, sighted the damage to his jacket, and screamed. "My jacket!! My Jacket!!!" - leading to at least twenty people ........

..... saying various things of which the below are merely a sample:

• That's not the real bull, so who cares.
• Various quotes from the movie "Full Metal Jacket".
• One brave soul told Bull to "Jack it".
• And 2 people observed that where the Mongul jacket had worn through the patch, it showed a Hells Angels patch below .... "He's a HA plant" they all yelled, being fully aware of the frictions in the district based on 1 percenter territorial aspirations.

Bruce minced over to the distraught Bull (not our best mate bull, who defiled the hospital canteen lady) and kicked him between his .......

Edited August 21 by Captain

[turboplanner]

.......huge triple barrelled 12 gauge shotgun under his arm.

Just for fun, he let all three barrels go as one and took the front wheel off the Harley..........

[Captain]

40 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

.......huge triple barrelled 12 gauge shotgun under his arm.

Just for fun, he let all three barrels go as one and took the front wheel off the Harley..........

..... which is not easy to do as they are often rusted on.

 

Bull (not our bull) reloaded with #4s and .....

[turboplanner]

2 hours ago, Captain said:

..... which is not easy to do as they are often rusted on.

 

Bull (not our bull) reloaded with #4s and .....

......just then Cappy came round the corner in his pink Honda with the stereo blaring. Quicklysizing up the situation he casually pulled out his Holland and Holland from it's cowboy sheath, and loaded a couple of SGs and aimed at Bull's (not bull's) most prized possessions.

 

SGs are used extensively in the sheepdog industry as "trainers"; not pay8ing attention to commands quickly leads to a whiff of SGs under the tail and he turns inside out and has not further part to play in the sheep industry.

 

Cappy lowered the H&H slightly and .....................

[Captain]

2 hours ago, turboplanner said:

Cappy lowered the H&H slightly and .......

..... said "Do we have a problem, punk?" (Attitudinarily, Cappy is the nearest thing that the AUF has to Harry (Harold Francis) Callahan, and he looks the spit of a young Clint Eastwood). "My H&H may be just a pommy made hammer gun with converging barrels, but it will blow those danglers of yours to kingdom come, and it has a history in .....

 

Is that Cappy or is that Clint? They always ask and nobody has ever been able to tell them apart. Nobody has ever even seen them in the same room at the same time, so perhaps this really is Clint masquerading in Wreck Flying (avref) and in the NES as Cappy.

Edited August 21 by Captain

[turboplanner]

....the South African veldte of doing exactly that to charging elephants and in fact this is where the US saying "bringing your eggs home in the trunk" originated.

 

Bull (not bull)  whose idling Harley had just started to indicate the failing tappet problem where the engine disintegrates at the most opportune moments (like when the cops were on your tail) became uncertain and giving the old Harley a lungfull of gas, turned and charged down the hill through the Tasmanian Blue Gums bowling over little Devil pups, squashing Koalas, ripping the tails off Lyre Birds, and even breaking the leg of a Thylacine mother sucking her young under the deep fern canopy which was wrecked by the ugly American attempt to compete with Vincent.

 

Eventually there was an enormous clang and the axement knew for Bull it was "free wheel or never come out".

 

They lit a fire and all ................................

 

Turbo, whose Gratax (Grammar and Syntax Analyser) never lets him down, can confirm that Cappy posts as five people here and also manages to infiltrate the script writing in all the Clint Eastwood movies, which has kept Clint going well into his 90s even though he can't always eat his breakfast by himself.

 

 

[Captain]

1 hour ago, turboplanner said:

Eventually there was an enormous clang and the axement knew for Bull it was "free wheel or never come out".

 

They lit a fire and all ..........

...... decided to add in a Smoking Ceremony + a Welcome to Tazzy just so that any other Mongols wouldn't feel left out, as Tasmania is all about inclusivity and making up for the horrors of the original Port Arthur, where Bull's (theirs not ours) great grandfather met his great grandmother in the exercise yard and they .....

[turboplanner]

2 hours ago, Captain said:

...... decided to add in a Smoking Ceremony + a Welcome to Tazzy just so that any other Mongols wouldn't feel left out, as Tasmania is all about inclusivity and making up for the horrors of the original Port Arthur, where Bull's (theirs not ours) great grandfather met his great grandmother in the exercise yard and they .....

.....escaped together to paradise, or at least Bicheno.

From there they crossed ..........................

[Captain]

..... "Some Strait", as this was back before the 1st Bass were ever caught off Devonport, and they settled in Moorabbin which, like Collingwood, was full of escaped convicts and other .....

 

It is now well understood that bass, from all over the USA and all states of Australia, gather annually off Devonport to have the equivalent of a schooly's week and then to mate.

Edited August 22 by Captain

[turboplanner]

...members of the aristocratic gentry who had been nicking pieces of bread from London Restaurants.

 

Moorabbin of course is not on the coast which shows you just what amazing fish these Bass are.

In fact they rival Carp. One time when Turbo had flow the family up to Cooper Creek near the Dig Tree and they were camped by the fire that night when a huge carp jumped out of the water and grabbed the dog by the hind leg. The family grabbed the other end and there was a tug of war with the dog starting off aa pck of Dingoes howling in sympathy. The dingoes didn't stop howling all through the night. That's how vicious carp can be.

 

The Mongols, who had joined the Moorabbin latte set were sitting on the footpath drinking their coffee when a group of Moorabbin Molls rode up and started menacing the axemen. They decided they better get patched asap and  "Bruce" did a spectacular design on a serviette. 

 

When they went to collect the patches the design read "Mongrels".Since none of them could read they just sewed them on and a new and feared bikie group started rollling through the streets of Melbourne ..........

 

Edited August 22 by turboplanner

[Captain]

32 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

When they went to collect the patches the design read "Mongrels".Since none of them could read they just sewed them on and a new and feared bikie group started rollling through the streets of Melbourne .......

..... with passersby yelling in support things like "Woof, Woof, Woof", and "Get Behind, F^#k ya".

 

Most of the Mongrels had trouble hearing the crowd over the big-end knock and piston slap of their Shovel Heads, but Bruce (now going by his ruff and tuff 1%er name of Gerbil), on his Honda 50 (Stepthru), got the message and replied ......

Edited August 22 by Captain

[turboplanner]

".......any more a that and I'll show yer me teef!" (pointing to the axe which was scabbarded like a cowboy's)

The comment had come from a cyclist who road his bike into town each day. He had more dents than a Kombi, and cyclists were hated by both pedestrians and car drivers, so had attitude and gave Gerbil the finger.

In a fraction of second there was the brush of a scabbard a SSSSWISH and a thud at the axe embedded itself and one ear in a power pole (Stobie Pole in SA)

Gerbil smoothly did a U turn and another and grabbed the axe from the pole. The ear would stay there for two years until an athletic cat got it one night. The corner would be named ........................

[Captain]

10 hours ago, turboplanner said:

The ear would stay there for two years until an athletic cat got it one night. The corner would be named .......

...... Abscisa Aurem and would be revered by the peddling community with an annual memorial service for the unnamed cyclist's appendage.

 

A few cat lovers also turned up.

 

Gerbil used to attend the service every now and again and chuck his axe at the pole again with a rubber ear glued to it. That was called ......

Edited August 23 by Captain

[turboplanner]

...a warning by the bikies and an offence by the Tasmanian Police, but since they were only armed with truncheons and Gerbil was known to fell a 300 foot Tasmanian Blue Gum in eight minutes with his axe, the TP were always focused on a lost dog or murder or something when the trash talking started around the Abscisa Aurem.

 

On this occasion Constable OneStripe, on exchange from somewhere called WA, showed up and ........................

Edited August 23 by turboplanner

[Captain]

59 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

On this occasion Constable OneStripe, on exchange from somewhere called WA, showed up and ........................

..... said "Just wait a mo chaps as I have just flown (avref) in, directly from Southern Cross, and need to shake the sand out of my jocks, so he dropped them there and then. Now, who can I beat the living daylights out of and where's my 1st kickback?"

 

[When he dropped his dacks they noticed his WA police issue 1930s Walther chambered in .22 short, that had been ditched by the Tazzy coppers last time, when those projectiles bounced off Chopper Reid.]

 

The Tazzy coppers all laughed, looked at each other, then handed over a debit card which gave him access via the dark Web to the Walloper's Kickback Account at the branch of the Turbine Bank in the Cayman Islands.

 

"Ah" said the WA copper with gusto "Kickbacks and legal violence. Geez life is good" but then he added a strange comment about ......

Edited August 23 by Captain

[turboplanner]

.......the time in the tint town of Ghooli, seven mile out the road from Southern Cross when that notorious drunk Wendal Ghooli, who was a boundary rider with a difference, he rode a camel, ran amok at the pub. Constable Jeremy Doubtfire was the local cop who pulled his trousers on, flicked he braces, hauled on the heavy uniform coat and headed for town on his horse, Cecil.

 

He tied Cecil up at the rail outside the pub, cocked the hammer on his Colt, marched in through the front door and without any ado shot off one of Wendal's .................................................

[Captain]

..... WA Community Service Award medals, for while those awards are pretty easy to get because WA always lacks nominations, Turbs has reported Wendal's transgressions accurately, however between his amok runnings, he has also brought prestige, happiness & investment to the town bearing his name, by ......

Edited August 24 by Captain

[onetrack]

.....initiating the highly-sought-after Big Ghoolies Award medal, handed out for acts of heroism, bravery, endurance, and impressive feats. Every year, on Boxing Day, people flocked to Ghooli to assemble and find out if they had qualified for a Big Ghoolies Award medal - and as only one BGAM was handed out each year by Wendal, it meant that many came away disappointed, as there could be only one recipient every year.

Of course, Turbo rocked up to the awards ceremony on Boxing Day 2023, to see if he had qualified for a BGAM, due to his impressive feat of developing........

[turboplanner]

.......Stud bulls with their Ghoolies dragging on the ground and.......

[Captain]

13 hours ago, turboplanner said:

.......Stud bulls with their Ghoolies dragging on the ground and.......

.... stud heifers with a longing look on their faces, a look that Turbs has seen many times over the years when he would make his entrance into the occasional B&S ball, where his would be the equivalent of dragging on the ground, and the ladies would be .....

[onetrack]

.......coming up to him and saying, "Are you the one they talk about, that has one dragging on the ground?" And Turbo would say, "No, sorry, I only have one Dragon on my back" - and at that, he would take his shirt off, to show his superb Dragon tattoo - which was impressive, for sure, but not anywhere near as impressive as one dragging on the ground.

 

The ladies would usually look disappointed, and depart - which made Turbo puzzled, because he was always convinced that having a Dragon tattoo was a sure-fire chick-magnet.

 

This got Turbo to thinking. If the Dragon tattoo wasn't going to work as well as he was originally advised, then maybe he could improve his chances with a red Corvette. Accordingly, he went looking for......

[Captain]

 

.... a 'Vette that was both gaudy yet understated, all at the one time.

 

Turbo's tattoo issue is also well known in Vicmanistan case law as Turbo claimed exactly as reported above by OT, that the tattooist had stated specifically and contractually that the Dragon tat is a "sure fire" way to get chicks, and by that Turbs thought that the Dragon would breath fire every time a vulnerable young lady would look at it.

 

The Judge was scathing and suggested that he'd have more luck in the back seat of a Morry Minor, let alone in the red 'Vette. 

 

Turdy considered an appeal, but ....

 

Edited August 26 by Captain

[turboplanner]

....he knew they would stack the cards against him as they had done since he was fourteen when he took on the Highway Patrol and won, only to be caught by the old town cop when he had nipped in for a Maccas.

 

He instead went for something most people wouldn't have thought of ................