The Never Ending Story

[Captain]

18 hours ago, turboplanner said:

The FO blushed, the ..........

..... Captain became slightly aroused, and the FO then said "I know that we are over the South Island, but even here, is a XXXX like him aloud to say on the radio, for all to hear, that we XXXX our grandmothers and that ......

[turboplanner]

........three Airbuses a month finish up in New Zealand instead of Tasmania"

The FO said "They're much the same aren't they?" and the Captain ............

[Captain]

3 hours ago, turboplanner said:

........ three Airbuses a month finish up in New Zealand instead of Tasmania"

The FO said "They're much the same aren't they?" and the Captain .....

..... (not OUR beloved Captain) responded that "Yes, they are fairly similar, except that one used to be run by a horse headed cocaine sniffer and the other has a Senator that is more like the other end of the horse."

 

He then continued on by saying "Listen mon Premiere Officer, just remember that as flight crew provided by Airbus, we are supplied by the European equivalent of the TSAPS group, which is run by Turbinia, who had been sent to Europe after that terribly embarrasing indiscretion in Canberra, and who is now having a torid affair with the head of the European Union and also with the wife of the boss of France (Turbinia has shown that she must be AC/DC/BC/FC/GC and every other C .... NTTIAWWT) ...... so as well as being kept pretty busy, Turbinia also has to ..........

[bull]

30 minutes ago, Captain said:

..... (not OUR beloved Captain) responded that "Yes, they are fairly similar, except that one used to be run by a horse headed cocaine sniffer and the other has a Senator that is more like the other end of the horse."

 

He then continued on by saying "Listen mon Premiere Officer, just remember that as flight crew provided by Airbus, we are supplied by the European equivalent of the TSAPS group, which is run by Turbinia, who had been sent to Europe after that terribly embarrasing indiscretion in Canberra, and who is now having a torid affair with the head of the European Union and also with the wife of the boss of France (Turbinia has shown that she must be AC/DC/BC/FC/GC and every other C .... NTTIAWWT) ...... so as well as being kept pretty busy, Turbinia also has to ..........

..has to live with the constant jibes about her "beam" [if ya get what i mean 👌] And now she has the fact that amongst  the NES there seems to be a payoff to achieve the "first class member " title! Re: Bull Turbo and the Captain are much more prominent members of the NES then the now famous "OT" who somehow gained superior rating above other members and i think this should be addressed by the "New censoring bureau"} just a thought!.............Now back to the story,,,Turbinia now flew into a uncontrollable fit of rage and lunged at Turbo who just managed to............. 

Edited September 2 by bull
story

[Captain]

16 minutes ago, bull said:

Re: Bull Turbo and the Captain are much more prominent members of the NES then the now famous "OT" who somehow gained superior rating above other members and i think this should be addressed by the "New censoring bureau".

AN ASIDE TO DEAR BULL .... Let it go mate. OT has massive power, not only within the NES but on the entire Wreck Frying site ...... as I have discovered several times to my cost. Plus, and in addition, WA people can be vicious when slighted. Let it go, it is just not worth the cost, and while not wishing to be specific, have you noticed recently how OT has got rid of both CT and Planey.

[Captain]

37 minutes ago, bull said:

..has to live with the constant jibes about her "beam" [if ya get what i mean 👌] And now she has the fact that amongst  the NES there seems to be a payoff to achieve the "first class member " title! Re: Bull Turbo and the Captain are much more prominent members of the NES then the now famous "OT" who somehow gained superior rating above other members and i think this should be addressed by the "New censoring bureau"} just a thought!.............Now back to the story,,,Turbinia now flew into a uncontrollable fit of rage and lunged at Turbo who just managed to........

.... strike her in that special vulnerable spot on the side of her temple (I am told that you could clearly hear the bones shattering) where David pinged Goliath (ref 1 Samuel 17) with his rock.

 

Turbinia went down like a .........

Edited September 2 by Captain

[bull]

20 minutes ago, Captain said:

.... strike her in that special vulnerable spot on the side of her temple (I am told that you could clearly hear the bones shattering) where David pinged Goliath (ref 1 Samuel 17) with his rock.

 

Turbinia went down like a .........

...submarine and then................

[Captain]

1 hour ago, bull said:

...submarine and then................

..... Turbo, who has never been known to apologise or regret anything in his life (which has been of considerable duration), decided that he needed to .....

[turboplanner]

.......apologise for Turbinia's behaviour and his poor performance as a parent.

It brought tears to many loyal NES readers and even emails from President Xi and Ho Chi Minh himself.

President XI (a growing friend of Penny Wong) "

，好伙计，我们再次在南沙群岛喝咖啡时，工作做得很好吗？"

and Sino-Australian relations moved another step closer to Australian crayfish dudes getting $1,000 per cray.

 

OT had noticed .................

[bull]

3 hours ago, turboplanner said:

.......apologise for Turbinia's behaviour and his poor performance as a parent.

It brought tears to many loyal NES readers and even emails from President Xi and Ho Chi Minh himself.

President XI (a growing friend of Penny Wong) "

，好伙计，我们再次在南沙群岛喝咖啡时，工作做得很好吗？"

and Sino-Australian relations moved another step closer to Australian crayfish dudes getting $1,000 per cray.

 

OT had noticed .................

...the rising market and contacted the well known mariner Bull to manage his fleet of cray boats he just brought. The sun was just above the horizon as bull inspected the fleet,"These pieces of %^$@ are...............

[onetrack]

....Made in China!!!", he exclaimed. "Well, I'll be f******!!" exclaimed OT. "I didn't see those little stickers on them, when I bought them from TurboCrayBoats, Inc! There'll be some repercussions come out of this shady deal, for sure!!" - and OT reached for..........

[Captain]

7 hours ago, onetrack said:

....Made in China!!!", he exclaimed. "Well, I'll be f******!!" exclaimed OT. "I didn't see those little stickers on them, when I bought them from TurboCrayBoats, Inc! There'll be some repercussions come out of this shady deal, for sure!!" - and OT reached for..........

..... the phone to call the General Manager of his Cray Fishing Operation (CFO [avref]), Marky Mark, who Onesie had been able to pick up on the cheap from Centrelink.

 

"Hey Marky, old mate, how are they hang'n?" Onesie always liked to bond with his staff by talking down at their level, and he .......

 

 

Marky and his kiss-curl, plus his bored 1000 yard stare that working with OT often engenders.

Edited September 4 by Captain

[turboplanner]

.....had hit the Mark perfectly.

"This place (Perth) gives me the SXXXX" Marky replied as if this was something Perth needed to take action on.

Not many people know that Marky is a secret hand-picked candidate at the next AUF elections, and an Avid Flyer Mark IV flyer.(When Premier he said the builder could have a free factory in Perth itself if Marky's name was included in the aircraft's name. Just another little Turbo snippet from history. and the aircraft remains one of the greats to this day.

 

bull, with that innate Trawler and now Cray Boat Captain skill of summing up people as they slide down the deck in rough seas knew that this Captain Marky woud be a keeper, even though he kept referring to front and back and left and right and "Where's me ..............................................."

 

 

 

[Captain]

2 hours ago, turboplanner said:

bull, with that innate Trawler and now Cray Boat Captain skill of summing up people as they slide down the deck in rough seas knew that this Captain Marky woud be a keeper, even though he kept referring to front and back and left and right and "Where's me .........."

...... latte, me Cray Industry equivalent of a Gumment pension, and me own Personal Assistant?"

 

bull, who also wanted a Personal Assistant to clean out his pipes during lonely nights at sea, replied ".......

Edited September 4 by Captain

[bull]

35 minutes ago, Captain said:

...... latte, me Cray Industry equivalent of a Gumment pension, and me own Personal Assistant?"

 

bull, who also wanted a Personal Assistant to clean out his pipes during lonely nights at sea, replied ".......

...ffaarrk that me Marky mate ! NOW GRAB THAT CRAY POT AND BAIT IT UP ya lazy slow piece of sh#t and swab that back deck and get the next pot ready and never ever  QUESTION NOR DEMAND ANYTHING FROM THE SKIPPER ,,,,,,,Rules of my boat are this....Rule number 1 :The Skipper is always right!  number 2 : If Skipper is wrong ,refer to rule number 1 ok....!!!  The skipper is King and any thing i say is LAW ok? got a problem with that?  Hmm How long can you tread water mate,,,,,hmmm???,,,,C,mon grab a handful of that 5 day old bait and lets get fishing.....,Now Marky stood up and said.......

Edited September 4 by bull

[turboplanner]

.....“Cop this you, you Queensland..............(thinking - he was a West Australian) Wog!”
Captain bull picked up the boat hook and was about to disembowel (gut) Marky when he realised  he needed the WA icon. Just then a Doof doofised version of the Love Story theme came from the cray boat’s 16 speaker hi fi and they settled down to winching in the cray pots. Eventually Marky........

 

 

 

 

[Captain]

13 hours ago, turboplanner said:

.....“Cop this you, you Queensland..............(thinking - he was a West Australian) Wog!”
Captain bull picked up the boat hook and was about to disembowel (gut) Marky when he realised  he needed the WA icon. Just then a Doof doofised version of the Love Story theme came from the cray boat’s 16 speaker hi fi and they settled down to winching in the cray pots. Eventually Marky........

..... realized that he loved the swashbuckling cray fisherman's life, he respected Captain bull (our bull, not the other Bull), Marky M soon had a lover in every port, same like bull does (and some WERE the same .... which is called being sharing and caring in the maritime lexicon) and M'yM used his outstanding previous political skills (well, "outstanding" in the tiny cesspool that is WA politics) to ......

Edited September 5 by Captain

[turboplanner]

.........obtain a dozen or two more licences than they reallly should not have had.

Not many people know that crayfish are the backbone of Qantas. When an order is received from a Chinese for just one cray, the price is so high, it pays for a quarter of a Cray Boat, and the deceased cray travels to China businss class on Qantas (which also is why you don't see many people in business class). The reason they won't upgrade you of course is not because they think you're lower class, but they know there will be complaints about the smell, so like many industries, they cop it for the sake of the easy income, and .....

[Captain]

21 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

.... and the deceased cray travels to China business class on Qantas (which also is why you don't see many people in business class). The reason they won't upgrade you of course is not because they think you're lower class, but they know there will be complaints about the smell, so like many industries, they cop it for the sake of the easy income, and .....

.... the other reason that upgrades no longer happen is that the upgraded plebs (ordinary.economyclass.folkref ..... like Cappy and Planey) will, in their upgraded enraptured excitement, often sit in the wrong seats and therefore trap the bona fide business class crayfish within the crack in their .......

Edited September 5 by Captain

[turboplanner]

...........apparel, and this has led to a lot of dissatisfaction with QANTAS from the Nouveau Riche and some entitled AUF posters, who have been vacating Business Class and buying tickets for the Great Unwashed section. They have been replaced by young sales reps getting free upgrades for Business Class. The young sales reps of course pretend there isn't an odour problem, thinking the smell has been left by the Nouveau Riche and AUF.

This lowered the Qantas ticket income and it wasn't uncommon to hear senior executives muttering the old saying of Reg Ansett's "They can sit on the XXXXXXX wing then!

Back in Economy Turbo and Cappy, on their frequent business trips, told jokes and Cappy did his renditions of English ditties and marching songs with his wonderful skill of being able to break wind for 40 minutes in two octaves.

There were plenty of "EAU!!!s", and "Doo we KNOW hims?" from the posers from BC, but the young sales reps had loved them so Qantas Marketing gave Cappy and Turbo free upgrades to Business Class, Charged an extra 20% to the young sales reps with 4 drawn out of the hat each flight going up to First Class, where of course there were no stinking crays, and Qantas had won against all odds again.

However there was one person ..................

[onetrack]

.....who was above all this crass, class-crawling behaviour - our indomitable Capt bull. bull knew, as a prawn trawler Captain, he was above all this kind of stuff - and besides, he preferred to sit alone all the time, anyway, just to keep himself apart from the Turbine and Cappy and sales rep rabble.

 

Naturally, having a very strong, clinging odour of prawns about him on a constant basis, only ensured that bull always sat alone, anyway. That was, until the day a senior............

[Captain]

13 hours ago, onetrack said:

Naturally, having a very strong, clinging odour of prawns about him on a constant basis, only ensured that bull always sat alone, anyway. That was, until the day a senior.......

..... gentleman, who was blind, came up to captain bull, tapped bull with his cane and said "Good day ladies".

 

Our bull, not wishing to cause embarrassment, went ......

Edited September 7 by Captain

[onetrack]

.......full metal jacket on the old blind gentleman, and ripped his cane off him, and broke it into pieces, all the while screaming, "Don't you ever call me.........

[Captain]

2 hours ago, onetrack said:

.......full metal jacket on the old blind gentleman, and ripped his cane off him, and broke it into pieces, all the while screaming, "Don't you ever call me.........

...... a "Lady" again, unless I am wearing my makeup and that little taffeta number, with full accessories, that I like so much."

 

The old bloke (Cappy and Turboref) was shocked at being cane-less (who would ever break a blind bloke's white cane? Well bull would, as reported by OT), but he was also a bit keen to witness (he would have to feel his way ... NTTIAWWT) bull all kitted out in taffeta, with gloves, high heels and a handbag, so he whispered to bull ".......

Edited September 8 by Captain

[Captain]

4 hours ago, Captain said:

 ..... but he was also a bit keen to perve on ("feel-up" in braille) bull all kitted out in taffeta .....

Side explanatory Note .... bull being by far the most attractive of the 4 present NES contributors, and the same even when CT is in da house.

It is undeniable that our bull has a mystical yet earthy mix of Qld and Tazzy animal & crustaceanal magnetism about him.

Edited September 8 by Captain