The Never Ending Story

[turboplanner]

.......gown flying his Drifter. He could afford to do that now. He’d read about forum members using Drifters for cattle mustering (or saying they did), so he started “wave running” - looking for feeding crabs all gathered round a catch. He’d then call the trawler in and they’ d throw the net over the lot of them and then.....

[bull]

5 hours ago, turboplanner said:

.......gown flying his Drifter. He could afford to do that now. He’d read about forum members using Drifters for cattle mustering (or saying they did), so he started “wave running” - looking for feeding crabs all gathered round a catch. He’d then call the trawler in and they’ d throw the net over the lot of them and then.....

.the bloody greenies got involved,now all on the NES would know of Bull,s distain for greenies and he.........

[turboplanner]

....exploded as Cray Captains do when they spot a Greenie.

This lot were in his path in a 4 metre dinghy and they were about to hit rough sailing.

They'd started out as Greenies always do with the best intentions but ther mistake was listening to scientists, who as we know are the modern incarnation of mermaids.

 

They'd chained themselves to endangerd kelp, only to realise they couldn't breathe, so like all greenie protests, the even had to be cancelledand wet, tired cold and breathless they were on their way home when their worst nightmare, a giant Cray Boat bore down on them....................................

[Captain]

3 hours ago, turboplanner said:

They'd chained themselves to endangered kelp, only to realise they couldn't breathe, so like all greenie protests, the even had to be cancelled and wet, tired, cold, and breathless they were on their way home when their worst nightmare, a giant Cray Boat bore down on them.........

..... and swamped their kayaks that were made from hemp, coke bottles and used nappies.

 

It was bull's cray boat, so ever the professional skipper, and despite it being against his very nature, bull stopped the boat and picked up the soaked "skid-mark" of Greenies. (A "skid-mark" being the correct and appropriate collective noun for a group of feral Greenies).

 

"Give them a feed Marky" said bull, who had Marky Mark rostered on as his 2nd mate for this trip (many people think that bull does not have any mates, but the normal on-board Cray Boat hierarchy has solved that).

 

Then bull continued "They can kip in the galley, but if Sarah H-Y is one of them, take her to my cabin, tell her to have a tub, and I'll be there soon to ..... 

Edited September 9 by Captain

[Captain]

2 hours ago, Captain said:

and picked up the soaked "skid-mark" of Greenies. (A "skid-mark" being the correct and appropriate collective noun for a group of feral Greenies).

Explanatory Note: The use of the term "skid-mark" in the above note does not refer to what Turbo does in the 'Vette each Friday night while cruising Lygon St. It refers to the Greenies that bull so despises, in the context of bull believing that the Greenies are a "skid-mark" on the underpants of Aussie society.

Edited September 9 by Captain

[turboplanner]

.....show her what a greenie should be.

SHY Was crying because of the kelp bites. “My mum told me I got bitten by a Kelp when I was a baby” she said.

”You’re still a xxxxxxx baby” bull told her.

bull didn’t have a. .....

 

[Captain]

8 hours ago, turboplanner said:

bull didn’t have a. .....

..... heart, or a conscience, when it came to ......

[turboplanner]

....females.

Mavis, at the Bowen RSL had seen to that.

He had treated her with the utmost respect even, when desperate for food after a long day's work he'd be waiting for an hours as gossiped with the washing up ladies who knew every sin committed or alleged to have been committed in the district.

bull had an ever so slight limp, a product of his service to Australia in Afghanistan (he'd tripped over on a rock going to the Khazi as the locals called it.

Mavis would greet hm with "How's the hunchback of Notre Dame tonight?

bull......

[Captain]

3 hours ago, turboplanner said:

Mavis would greet hm with "How's the hunchback of Notre Dame tonight?

bull......

...... who is even keeled and well balanced by a chip on both shoulders, just took it in his stride (although his stride is certainly a little wonky because of his hunch) ..... as he thought he might have a chance with Mavis later that night and didn't want to bugger it up by the short-term satisfaction of a smartarse sarcastic response (bull had learnt from Turbo to subvert his true feelings if there was even a slight chance later).

 

However, then bull also remembered OT's primary mantra that .......

 

The NES appreciates Turbo's latest contribution seeing as he was just released from Pentridge, after it was discovered that TC&AS (Turbine Caustic and Acidacious Substances NL) were the source of the attacks at the Melbourne protest, after Turdy donated a couple of gallons of acid to the Free Palestine Coalition. "What's the worst that could happen?" he said at the time, as he handed over the pannikin of fuming acid.

Edited September 11 by Captain

[turboplanner]

.......if someone gives you Shxx you give them .............

 

 

Turbo appreciates the concern of NES readers but it all started as he was entering the Exhibition with a cup of steaming coffee. He'd invited Cappy to come with him to see the Turbine Defence's new AI

Eagle UAV Attack Drone which could think for itself, and pick up weapons from the ground, like rocks, if it was out of ammo, and yell taunts if the ground was just grass or sand, and come back if called.

 

Cappy, who wasn't in a suit, just his calf-length shorts couldn't help himself and loudly yelled "THAT LOOKS LIKE ACID!" Fifteen cops shot him with rubber bullets, Gas Cannistered him, Tazed him, belted him and he was bitten by a Police Dog. He didn't tell you all that side of it did he. It was Turbo that had to get HIM out of it.

[bull]

47 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

Fifteen cops shot him with rubber bullets, Gas Cannistered him, Tased him, belted him and he was bitten by a Police Dog.

..Now for months afterwards he has shown a tendency towards leather and tight pants muzzles and leads  and such , and whenever he hears a siren he would do these weird..................

Edited September 11 by bull

[Captain]

Cappy in his long shorts, on his way to meet Turbs at the exhibition.

 

Cappy after the VicPol GS bit him on the arse.

[Captain]

1 hour ago, bull said:

..Now for months afterwards he has shown a tendency towards leather and tight pants muzzles and leads  and such , and whenever he hears a siren he would do these weird..................

...... spins & zoomies, before sitting down on the footpath and licking his .....

[onetrack]

.....Mr Whippy icecream with Flake. Now, everyone knows that Cappy has the attention span of a gnat, even in the heat of battle, when his compatriots are relying on Cappy to hold the high ground with his M60 - just the sound of "Greensleeves", and the sight of a Mr Whippy van will make Cappy abandon his position and his M60, to go get a Mr Whippy with Flake.

 

It was during the Dervish attack in the Battle of Omdurman, that Cappy first showed this tendency towards a lack of focus on the job at hand, and when the Mr Whippy van rolled up, right as the Dervishes advanced, Cappy true to form, ...........

[Captain]

..... selected a large tub with crushed nuts and caramel sauce, while the Dervishes preferred ....

[bull]

4 hours ago, Captain said:

..... selected a large tub with crushed nuts and caramel sauce, while the Dervishes preferred ....

.....:dervish !Now Cappy had just about returned to "normal" [if there is such a thing with Cappy] When out on the field OT had just pulled the stick back to "rotate [avref] ps: [could never really understand why pulling back to climb is called rotate?  I,m not about to turn around at lift off!!!] Well after everyone had their fill of icecream the war began  anew. Suddenly the sound of a rotax with a fouled plug could be heard approaching at full throttle from the south . The crowd of ice-cream lovers all scattered in all directions and Turdo began to...................

Edited September 12 by bull

[turboplanner]

........calmly speak on his hand held to the Pilot. This was not easy because the student was a TempVisa from SubContinent Flying school. "Ooh the sun he is shining but I'm not so happy" was his answer to Turbo's "Close the throttle!".  "Ooh I am now seeing it and pushing the round part" was the reply , but ................

[onetrack]

.....to Turbo's great consternation the "round part" was not the throttle, it was the trim wheel, and the aircraft started to go into a terrifying dive, which made Turbo blanch, go white-knuckled, and reach for the.......

[Captain]

3 hours ago, onetrack said:

.....to Turbo's great consternation the "round part" was not the throttle, it was the trim wheel, and the aircraft started to go into a terrifying dive, which made Turbo blanch, go white-knuckled, and reach for the.......

..... Sky, Dougie Bader style.

 

But Turbo is a cool operator, once you scrape off all that surface rust, and he remembered his prize-winning joke accent from his days up the Khyber that Peter Sellers had borrowed for his moving pictures, so he activated his PTT and said "Excuse me sir, but oh my goodness, so could you please be flying straight and level for the sake of Shiva and our ancestors?" (Readers will note Turbo's calm demeanor and the fact that he was so focused that he did not have the time to include the essential [avrefs]).

 

The stewed-ant replied, "Oh crikey, you are correct kind sir, and I have levelled off at cruising throttle and at a safe altitude, praise be to the multi-headed elephant god."

 

Turbo de-blanched, recovered his composure, then walked to the ......

 

The Elephant God as referenced by the Stewed-Ant. With the rise of the Indian economy and the increased spending power of many of their citizens, Turbine Idollic Statues PLC has been established in Ranchi, to make such structures. (Just like Alfred Hitchcock used to make cameo appearances in his films, the nipples as depicted on each statue are dead spits of Turbo's own).

Edited September 12 by Captain

[turboplanner]

Pilot's Lounge filled with students all playing on "Airbus" the new fastest way to become an Airline Pilot.

"Instructor No. 17 you will please do me the honour sir of taking up Instructor No. 28 and transferring him to the student aircraft or Rhuni Sahib will never get down."

 

This may seem an odd thing to say and very unlike the CASA of the old days, but it was taught in the flavour of Astronaut transfers and everyone in the school wanted a chance to do it. There were a few misses, but you'll get that in any activity or even.......

 

 

[Captain]

1 hour ago, turboplanner said:

This may seem an odd thing to say and very unlike the CASA of the old days, but it was taught in the flavour of Astronaut transfers and everyone in the school wanted a chance to do it. There were a few misses, but you'll get that in any activity or even.......

..... a couple (perhaps a few) consecutive losses are still acceptable provided they are not industry leaders or Forum/NES luminaries.

 

However, the Minister for Aviation (avref) became a bit concerned after lunch & 2 bottles of red one day, when he had his wobbly boots on, and a question were asked of the Gubbermint in Parlment, which highlighted the .......

Edited September 12 by Captain

[bull]

3 hours ago, Captain said:

..... a couple (perhaps a few) consecutive losses are still acceptable provided they are not industry leaders or Forum/NES luminaries.

 

However, the Minister for Aviation (avref) became a bit concerned after lunch & 2 bottles of red one day, when he had his wobbly boots on, and a question were asked of the Gubbermint in Parlment, which highlighted the .......

..........the appalling accident rate of these inflight instructor transfers, This practice has been........................

[turboplanner]

.......ended by requiring a 75 page English essay with a pass requirement of 102% before obtaining a student licence, with a nest of FoI's around Australia to make sure there were no tell tale accents.

 

Sanjay had somehow failed to read the first paragraph ......................

[Captain]

15 hours ago, turboplanner said:

.......ended by requiring a 75 page English essay with a pass requirement of 102% before obtaining a student licence, with a nest of FoI's around Australia to make sure there were no tell tale accents.

 

Sanjay had somehow failed to read the first paragraph ......................

....... but his Essay contained 53 "beauty bottlers", more than 30 "Coo-ees", several "china plates", numerous references to Darraweit Guim & their Progress Association, and even more tellingly, now that Turbine Industries are a bigger Aussie icon than BHP, there were heaps of grovelling references to the various Turbine Corporations and an admiring, if not perverted, description of Turbinia.

 

All of the above meant that Sanjay was designated as a .....

Edited September 13 by Captain

[onetrack]

........prime candidate to go right to the top of the CASA bureaucracy - because no-one does bureaucracy like the Indians do.

 

Sanjay settled into his new position with an order that no forms would be submitted electronically any more, it was too risky. All forms were to be submitted in quadruplicate, and copies kept of each copy.

 

Furthermore, Turbine Office & Printing Supplies was nominated as the only supplier of all CASA paperwork from henceforth on, and any form that did not have the imprint of a TOPS agency would be rejected.

 

In addition, Turbine Storage and Shelving was to supply a substantial amount of storage equipment, and Turbine Archival Services would be providing the necessary properties and archiving for storing all the filled-in forms.

 

It was just like being back in India, Sanjay reflected with pleasure, as he noted the large increase in CASA employees, all diligently filling in forms and storing them.

 

Then came the day when Sanjay found the............

 

Edited September 13 by onetrack