The Never Ending Story

[Captain]

Evidence of Turbo's kindness to animals presented by Slatter & Gordoni

 

Cheetah.mpe

But the people of Bangholme spoke against the S & G representations.

 

"We've heard the strange noises from Turbz' backyard and this joint used to just be called "Holme" before Tubb came to town. No wonder there was "stuff" on them Tarctic Wrappers ..... as we always thought that he bought a bit too much cling film and foil at the IGA" said the Prezz of the 'Holme CWA.

 

Then she added "Turbo is a .................

 

 

[turboplanner]

"strange person. What would he be doing with all that foil?....."

 

 

[Captain]

"strange person. What would he be doing with all that foil?....."

"I've heard that he makes them into tube-like structures then puts them in a microwave to get them up to body temperature" said the Vice-Prezzzzz of the 'Holme CWA "Same like I do when I make my special jam and sponge rolls, ...... but then I reckon that Turbzzz gets up to no-good, because after we hear his microwave "ding" we hear noises that sound like .............

 

 

[turboplanner]

because after we hear his microwave "ding" we hear noises that sound like .............

 

Hi Hi's Rotax starting up on a cold morning......

 

 

[Captain]

Hi Hi's Rotax starting up on a cold morning......

"Hi to you too Tubbo" said some bloke "And wow ..... that IS a bit deviant. No wonder so many cute and cuddlies ( :robin::vis::polite: ) are meeting (or should that be "meating"?) their fate (:spam:)at Turb'sholme. Isn't there a law against that?"

 

"Yes there is" said Ahlow 'It's section 24 subclause 1.b.(ii).xmcii, which says ..........

 

 

[turboplanner]

"Hi to you too Tubbo" said some bloke "And wow ..... that IS a bit deviant. No wonder so many cute and cuddlies ( :robin::vis::polite: ) are meeting (or should that be "meating"?) their fate (:spam:)at Turb'sholme. Isn't there a law against that?"

"Yes there is" said Ahlow 'It's section 24 subclause 1.b.(ii).xmcii, which says ..........

 

"....that you must disclose this sort of activity"

 

"OK" said Turbo, "if you insist, I was making sausages.

 

"I've always been partial to baked possum from my early days in the country before McDonalds existed, and from the many camping trips we took with the kids where we always collected the evening meal as we drove along the road.

 

"There's nothing like an aged roo.

 

"I make these sausages and sell them to the Motels who don't do meals, or pull down the shutters just as you reach out to hand in the breakfast menu" he said.

 

Turbo continued: "one of my best customers is the magnificent RAT'S RETREAT at Wagga Wagga, although I have to label those "Posume" to cater for the European tourists"

 

The golden glow died as the Rat's lip dropped - how was he going to get out of that one.

 

He decided to drive out to the airport and start up the Jab, partly because about now Whino was due to whine about aviation content, and partly because he wanted to think, and to fly a Jab you sure have to think.....

 

 

[turboplanner]

Posumé - the Natural Food available from The Rattery

 

 

[turboplanner]

Taken from one of the wrappers....

 

Posumé.doc

 

Posumé.doc

[Captain]

Posumé - the Natural Food available fromThe Rattery

1 - Turbo admits to all deviant behaviour. Where is the fun in that (for us)?

 

2 - The Rat ignores Ahlocks, even though Ahlow the Harlow had his sign all over his van.

 

3 - The Rat was daydreaming .... or is perhaps just getting a bit vague.

 

4 - Tomo the Sapian resists temptation to do anything in the 3rd person. "I like doing it to myself" he says.

 

5 - Decca goes quiet, or has Nanna snuffed him?

 

6 - BigPete goes even quieter.

 

7 - HiHo reads the NES but stays schtumm for much of the time.

 

8 - The NES moves innexorably towards 3000 posts.

 

9 - Turbo has gone 3 weeks without an engine failure, but also hasn't used his boat. "Winter saves me a fortune" he says.

 

10 - Donk gives Wagga a miss, even though Ahlow, Skipper and the Council had a welcoming committee planned.

 

11 - Tomo will depart Dalby late August to bring the Driphta to Cowra for the Rec Flying knees-up "Will Nanna's Granddaughter be there?" he asks.

 

12 - "Will there be a B&S Ball in Cowra that weekend?" asks Tubb "Or just a lot of BS?"

 

 

[turboplanner]

It seemed to regular NES readers that The Rat had gone into a reflective phase, numbering off the most important people and events in his life.

 

Buried in the numbered items was a bait "or is perhaps just getting a bit vague", but regular NESers knew better than to pick that one up and become the subject of frenzied Rat Scribble.

 

It's doubtful that Tomo will make it if he departs late August or even late July for that matter, because it's duck shooting season out west, and to many duck hunters a Tafe Student sitting on a piece of 2 inch water pipe with a fan behind him looks exactly like a Blue Winged Shoveller.

 

The Cowra event does bring up a little known issue.

 

During the Cowra break out at the Prison Camp for the Japanese in WW2, not all of them were rounded up.

 

They disguised themselves as Chinese and started a market garden, mostly selling their products in Canberra where Australians were most gullible.

 

Akihiko had been amazed at how dumb Australians were, paying them for produce when they should have been getting it for nothing, but the group kept to themselves and so never heard that the war had ended.

 

They were happy enough, and now delivered the vegetables along the east coast in five Kenworth B Doubles, always leaving one person to guard the compound.

 

"I see in the paper there's going to be a fry in" said Shinichi "Why don't we grab an aircraft and escape to Nippon?"

 

"Would it have a GPS?" asked Tomochino

 

"Shut Up!" said Akihikio, disgusted at how the younger Japanese were picking up western ways.

 

"What will we do when we get there?" asked Nobushi

 

"What you mean? asked Akihiko

 

"We were never taught to land" said Nobushi.

 

"You just......"

 

 

[Tomo]

"You just......"

...Pull the throttle and close the eyes.... it will always land, it's all automated too, why everyone knows that?!

 

 

[Guest Decca]

And so it was, when Tomo visited Mexico south of the borders he could not determine whether he was at YBLT or YARA, for the new All Asian Flight Training Facility neglected to teach their students correct English annunciation and would only declare "*alalat tlaffic Lomeo Rima Rima Me number one arway alalat" in a staccaco (I'm confused now) burst that defied interpretation.

 

Tomo, drifting along, calmly replied "......

 

 

[turboplanner]

dit ditditdit........da dah dah dah......

 

 

[Guest Decca]

........ which in any language really means.........Pull the throttle and close the eyes.... it will always land, it's all automated too, why everyone knows that?! .....

 

 

[turboplanner]

Deccadence is as Deccadence does - playing repeat the post, and we could tie him up in knots by getting him to give an aeronutical explanation of what ditDOT meant (although pretty much everyone including Deccadent's new female friends knows what ditDot really meant).

 

However, as we know, he once lazed at a desk with a cup of coffee or hostie on it and flicked a switch every now and again, with a few interspersed "Operations Normal Skipper", although he dodn'y know what abnormal was.......

 

 

[Guest Decca]

.....Yeah but.....you've gotta flick switches to look good, and there's so many switches to flick you have to flick a lot of switches to go into abnormal. It's not a Drifter you know, or a wheelbarrow.....oops, what happened then Captain? The passengers are asking what's the white stuff coming out of the wingtips?

 

Not now Decca, wait til I've finished my eggs benedict.

 

 

[turboplanner]

Wheelbarrow..........The Rat with the golden tooth was not going to be happy with that when he sobered up in the morning.

 

Ahlow the Harlow started to giggle, which he hadn't done since the I hate Jabs thread fizzled out because people just didn't hate them.

 

Poor old Rat was in the Hangar (yes that's HangAr guys, not what you hang a Drifter on) polishing the "wheelbarrow" every day and the birds were depositing every night.

 

Deccadence was for it.....

 

 

[Captain]

dit ditditdit........da dah dah dah......

.... which is the prelude to ....

 

de doo doo doo,

 

de dah dah dah,

 

that's all I want to say to you

 

de doo doo doo etc etc.

 

But enough of songs and stuff.

 

For the NES'ers have a more pressing matter to consider and that is that Decca's confidence is rising, he is getting more than his share (Dicka?), and he is starting to pick on other contributors to the NES (Picka) ..... which is something that has never happened before.

 

"Now we know that Decca is not Dense, as he has been a vital member of the Aussie domestic aircrew pool .... which we all know are a finely tuned and skilled group" said the rat in Decka's defence "But you can't blame a bloke for arking up when some back-seat driver calls his machine a barrow, so I have decided that the punishment will be that Nanna is immediately recalled to the Bidgeeland for retraining, some cheese, and .....................

 

 

[Tomo]

............ and gravy, for the side..... "Don't ask why, says Ditdot", but that's just the first thing that popped into My (first person again!) mind...

 

See, The RAtatatatatatatat may like cheese on its own, but a little flaaaaaaaaavvoooouurrr doesn't go astray, especially for the nanna, she's rather particular about the way she likes things, even if they are a bit strange!:confused:

 

Da da dat dit dat dit dat dit do, dit dot dit dot dat dat dit....... using the tune for Blaaa blaa black sheep. quite amusing really!:kumbaya:

 

 

[turboplanner]

....ten lashes of the Rat's Tail.

 

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOH! Dickapicka - told you you were for it!......no one gets away with criticising the Rat's Nest....

 

 

[turboplanner]

Da da dat dit dat dit dat dit do, dit dot dit dot dat dat dit....... using the tune for Blaaa blaa black sheep. quite amusing really!:kumbaya:

.......ditDot was obviously back from his TAFE studies where he had just learned a hypotenuse was not always found in Africa.

 

But what did he think of Dickapicka's daring slash at Ratso?

 

 

[Guest Decca]

Nanna was fuming:angry:.

 

This miscarriage of justice will NOT be tolerated, she said. Tried and punished by 12 short of a jury. Decca has appointed me leader of his harem, er quorum, and I’m going to put the record straight.

 

Any reference to a wheelbarrow, assumed apparently by the masses to mean Jabiru, was completely ironic. I’ll now form my own Kangaroo court & declare him innocent of all charges and 10 lashes of the rat’s tail will be held in credit for next time.

 

He and his girls don’t even CARE what ditDOT means. But he did say to me that he must pm Tomo to try to find out something about dots and dashes.

 

Further, my Pickled Dicka is retiring to the Snake Gully estate for the morning to contemplate the health of his stallion's .........

 

 

[turboplanner]

....Note: for occasional readers, Snake Gully was named after Deccadent.....

 

 

[Captain]

....Note: for occasional readers, Snake Gully was named after Deccadent.....

"Should be Python Gorge" piped up Nanna with a gleam in her eye "And everyone knows that Nanna really only like bad-boyz ... of which Decca is surely one" she added "So my defence in post # 2176 is meaningless. He's as guilty as sin, sin's his middle name and he often thinks it's 'sin ............ but I have to tell ya that I am missing GoldieLocks posts too. Where is he and what's he up to, or did he take it personally when the Rat mistook his Merc for someone else last Friday?"

 

At that moment Turbs killed another cute furry animal with his faulty mint wrappers, filled his oil tank in the Signature with similarly faulty 2-stroke oil (made from the byproducts from his wrapper manufacture and from when he rendered those possums and wombats in his still at Bangholme) and said ".................

 

 

[turboplanner]

.....beware the belt in the bellcrank trick.....