The Never Ending Story

[Captain]

13 hours ago, onetrack said:

The legal circles were abuzz with the news, and Turbo couldn't move anywhere in public without a microphone being shoved under his nose, and the question asked, "Do you think........

...... that whoever did actually discover OZ, be that Captain Cook (known as Jimmy-the-Chef to his mates) or Hot-Lips Turbine, received a "Welcome to Country" every time they went assure to use the bathroom? And if they did not act with appropriate cultural sensitivity to respect the previous 249,800 years (being 250,000 minus 200) .... or if they turned their backs on a "Smoking Ceremony", should legal action be taken, or the entire Turdbine Clan simply just put to the sword (or Nulla Nulla)?"

 

Turdy had already been briefed on possible adversarial questions and this was, obviously one of them, so he ......

Edited September 20 by Captain

[Captain]

DEAR NESers ...... Has anyone heard from my best mate Turbo, who has been AWOL and unheard of on the NES for the past 5 days.

 

I haven't been too worried until now, as he often used to go missing for several days up the Khyber, but was always located exhausted and needing a skin graft, in Village number 23B, with the delightful and captivating Villager # 29.

 

But unless he is now off exploring the delights of the lady villagers at Darraweit Guim, I am a little worried.

 

Regards Crappy

 

PS - Please note that I have already called dibs on the 'Vette, if the worst should come to the worst.

 

Edited September 20 by Captain

[turboplanner]

Had been attending Suntan Clinic twice a day and learning the First Nations language which these days required a lot of “deadly” and “bro” sounds and “mobs” and now said “We abolished tickets years ago and......

[turboplanner]

Turbo apologises for his abrupt absence but he has been working 18 hours a day on a submission to the Victorian Government to save Turbine Central Mining which was just about to receive a Planning Permit to start blast mining under Ballarat for gold, when the Premier stepped in and had the Department of Mining's Permit replaced by an FOO, an overlay where you couldn't do anything unless the government wanted you to. Turbo had sent in the submission and one of her Advisors (supplied by Turbine Political Advisors) had told the Minister for Development she didn't think it was right that the Minster for Mining had called the Premier a moll just as the Premier was about to sign the FOO. The phone rang, the Premier flew into a rage and left yelling "AM I NOW!" and the advisor was able to quickly add  "except for blast mining", the Premier came back and said "Now where was I?" saw the document, signed it, and so Turbo is back on deck.

[Captain]

12 hours ago, turboplanner said:

Had been attending Suntan Clinic twice a day and learning the First Nations language which these days required a lot of “deadly” and “bro” sounds and “mobs” and now said “We abolished tickets years ago and......

..... now that tickets, which are a symbol of white male oppression (Eg "Turbo has tickets on himself"), are no longer available, we need to concentrate on the thousands of benefits that accrue from the linking of the Free Palestine and the Aboriginal flags, after all it is well known that the Palestinians have been around for 250,000 years (just consider Yasser Arafat who looked like he had done it tough for each one of those years) and the Palestinians are certainly big on Smoking Ceremonies (just look at Gazza each night on the news, for the evidence).

 

"Hang on there Turdy" said bull and OT in unison from opposite sides of the country, who thought that TurdBoy was being overly ........ 

Edited September 23 by Captain

[Captain]

11 hours ago, turboplanner said:

The phone rang, the Premier flew into a rage and left yelling "AM I NOW!" and the advisor was able to quickly add  "except for blast mining", the Premier came back and said "Now where was I?" saw the document, signed it, and so Turbo is back on deck.

Crappy is delighted to hear Tubb's story because, as usual he appears to be one of the few people who can get anything done in Vicmanistan (Many think that it might be because of his long-standing physical relationship with the Premier, but it was quickly pointed out that such a relationship was with the last Premier, not the current one, although Turbo agrees that this one is certainly "HOT").

 

PS - Crappy is maintaining the dibs on the 'Vette, as you never know what is around the corner.

Edited September 23 by Captain

[turboplanner]

5 hours ago, Captain said:

..... now that tickets, which are a symbol of white male oppression (Eg "Turbo has tickets on himself"), are no longer available, we need to concentrate on the thousands of benefits that accrue from the linking of the Free Palestine and the Aboriginal flags, after all it is well known that the Palestinians have been around for 250,000 years (just consider Yasser Arafat who looked like he had done it tough for each one of those years) and the Palestinians are certainly big on Smoking Ceremonies (just look at Gazza each night on the news, for the evidence).

 

"Hang on there Turdy" said bull and OT in unison from opposite sides of the country, who thought that TurdBoy was being overly ........ 

....unrealistic in the wake of Cappy's statement that there were no tickets anymore, an emboldened OT shot out with "Where are you going to get tickets, Turbo", and cross his arms.

 

"At the footy!" said Turbo dismissively and OT ....................

 

 

[turboplanner]

5 hours ago, Captain said:

Crappy is delighted to hear Tubb's story because, as usual he appears to be one of the few people who can get anything done in Vicmanistan (Many think that it might be because of his long-standing physical relationship with the Premier, but it was quickly pointed out that such a relationship was with the last Premier, not the current one, although Turbo agrees that this one is certainly "HOT").

 

PS - Crappy is maintaining the dibs on the 'Vette, as you never know what is around the corner.

Hot, but very prickly and not very attractive in that Bob the Builder fluoro, but she tries not to interfere with Turbo's constant work keeping 253,876 public servants happy which usually means doing the rounds each day patting them on the head and saying "You've all done very well".  He had tried doing it on zoom from the Coast, but the camera was never at he best angle, the sound always cut out and the image from the public servant was usually blurred. In one case, since he was passing by, Turbo decided to check in with one and found the camera on the deck pointed at a photo of the PS on a box on the chair. It was only when he threatened to fire the PSers and go AI that there was an effort to lift their game and get a quote before building a new road to Dan's farm.

 

PS. Cappy will have to stand in line since within the family the Vette is more popular than Turbo even though it's constantly wearing out rear tyres.

[onetrack]

.......sneeringly replied, "Footy"? You mean that aerial ping-pong game you Victorians claim to have a national hold on? We don't bother with those pathetic inflated-pigskin-bouncing sports you call your "National Game"! Over here on the Left Coast, we play games with real swords, and firearms, and explosives, and we don't have to sell tickets, the word of mouth news-spreading is enough to........

[Captain]

1 hour ago, onetrack said:

..... Over here on the Left Coast, we play games with real swords, and firearms, and explosives, and we don't have to sell tickets, the word of mouth news-spreading is enough to........

.... fill the stadium.

 

Wise men from the East still have trouble with the WA language that is used for word-of-mouth, as while the WA lingo is similar to pig latin, easterners still find it hard when they hear "Will-up you-up be-up going-up to-up the-up sword-up, firearm-up and-up explosives-up tournament-up ?-up. "-up.

 

But in WA these tournaments are run by ......

Edited September 24 by Captain

[turboplanner]

The Wagin Up, Margaret River Up, Wagin Up Nd Buga Up Communties who........

[Captain]

11 hours ago, turboplanner said:

The Wagin Up, Margaret River Up, Wagin Up Nd Buga Up Communties who........

..... are just normal, somewhat sad & under-achieving WA country folk, so they often bugger-up the ......

Edited September 25 by Captain

[Captain]

5 hours ago, Captain said:

..... are just normal, somewhat sad & under-achieving WA country folk, so they often bugger-up the ......

..... are just normal, somewhat sad & under-achieving WA country folk, so they often stuff-up the ......

 

The Capster apologises, once again, as in his own sad and under-achieving manner, he messed-up his original response by reusing Turbo's Buga-Up/bugger-up line. I hope that the above change has Fixed-it-up.

Edited September 25 by Captain

[turboplanner]

1 hour ago, Captain said:

..... are just normal, somewhat sad & under-achieving WA country folk, so they often stuff-up the ......

 

The Capster apologises, once again, as in his own sad and under-achieving manner, he messed-up his original response by reusing Turbo's Buga-Up/bugger-up line. I hope that the above change has Fixed-it-up.

......Order of Service at the Bungarra scratching World Championships.

It was at one of these that OT's animal, which he had trained all year ...........

 

Of Course it has Fixed-it-up (sic)

[It's something that goes with Cappy. On the Khyber Firing Line, Turbo had to go night after night being penetrated by huge mosqitos because Cappy was drinking the Mosqito Lotion, but hey, what's a friend for.

[Captain]

11 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

Turbo had to go night after night being penetrated by huge mosqitos

And those "mosquitos" were bigger than normal mosquitoes, hence serious damage could be caused while being penetrative. Hence Turbo's many quirks and aversions.

[Captain]

20 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

......Order of Service at the Bungarra scratching World Championships.

It was at one of these that OT's animal, which he had trained all year ...........

.... , using the rear leg behind the ear scratching technique, however after spending so much time training, OT's animal had gravel rash on its .....

Edited September 25 by Captain

[onetrack]

......anal area - which in comparison to Turbo's inflammation of the same area, after being penetrated by multiple number of extremely large mosquitos (and I understand from reports of the time, that they were large enough to easily hold a man down, which would not be easy for a gentleman of Turbo's size) - is relatively minor - despite displaying a raw, reddened region.

 

The limp that Turbo displays constantly today, is directly related to the multiple penetrations of those Khyber Pass mosquitoes, and just the mere whining sound of a nearby mosquito anytime, is enough to send Turbo in a fit of twitches and convulsions - movements which are often mistaken for........

[Captain]

14 hours ago, onetrack said:

The limp that Turbo displays constantly today, is directly related to the multiple penetrations of those Khyber Pass mosquitoes, and just the mere whining sound of a nearby mosquito anytime, is enough to send Turbo in a fit of twitches and convulsions - movements which are often mistaken for........

..... 70s Disco Dancing, ....... when Turbs was only a little beyond his prime and he was the Model for John Travolta's Tony Monero character in SaTurday Night Fever (note the highlighted word, which was the genesis of Turbo's current nickname).

 

Travolta later reprieved an older Turbo character, Vini Vega, were his dance with Uma showed that the Turbo's twitches and convulsions had been largely brought under control by a combination of legal and illegal medications.

 

However, Turdy's limp persisted, as caused by ........

 

John portrayed Turdy to a tee, when in his later 50's.

 

 

John, taking off Turbo, making the secret sign of the Rotax Bluehead Fanclub (a perverted Boy Scouts sideways "Be prepared" .......................... for a cold or hot seize).

Edited September 26 by Captain

[Captain]

For those new members of Wreck Frying, for Stewed Ants and for our thousands of subscribers to the NES, it is my great privilege to inform you that Turbo does not only look like Johnny T, he also had a passionate affair (which he has never forgotten) with Sandy from Grease, and Turbs wealth has subsequently allowed him to make a copy of the Travolta Flying (avref) Ranch.

 

The below photo shows Turbo's joint as part of a seniors living facility just outside Moorabbin (some of the oldies, and the local council, do winge a bit about the aircraft noise) and as you can see, this photo was snapped during the last drought. (Photo taken by Cappy as he was mid-field crosswind in his Gulfstream).

 

Edited September 27 by Captain

[Captain]

2 hours ago, Captain said:

All NESers please note how Turdy got the concrete pad wrong at lower left, and as a result the main wheels are parked on tarmac and not concrete (duurrrr). What a dill. He must have had his hand on it at the time and fantasising about getting a large Gulfy to balance up that side of the house.

Turdy & Crappy often get paralytic around that fire pit in the back yard, then take the 707 for a spin (avref) around Melbournistan without clearance, and using bull's callsign & rego numbers from the Jackoff.

Edited September 27 by Captain

[onetrack]

......Turbo kicking out at an exceptionally large mosquito that was attempting to carry him away, and as result, he lost his balance and slipped, and landed heavily on his left hip, a painful fall, that he's never completely recovered from. 

 

But of course, Turbo blames his limp on the big stoush on the Khyber, when he took command, after their gun pit was under threat of being overrun by 1000 screaming, mad Pashtun - all of them crying for "infidel blood" - and whereby Turbo claims he coolly reloaded the M60 with an extra-long belt, and proceeded to dispatch possibly more than a third of the attacking Pashtuns.

 

Naturally, Turbo always claims a stray 7.62mm bullet from a Pashtun AK-47 during the gun pit siege, is the reason for his limp - and the reason he claims this, is because he doesn't want to bring up the story of the mosquito attacks, for fear of looking a little stupid.

 

In fact, Turbo's kickout at the oversize mozzie, and his resultant comical fall, flat on his bum, was actually videoed by Cappy and uploaded to his YouTube channel - you know, the one titled, "idiot fails", and Turbos "fail" is the biggest laugh of the.........

[Captain]

1 hour ago, onetrack said:

In fact, Turbo's kickout at the oversize mozzie, and his resultant comical fall, flat on his bum, was actually videoed by Cappy and uploaded to his YouTube channel - you know, the one titled, "idiot fails", and Turbos "fail" is the biggest laugh of the.........

..... interweb and Turbo went viral (This does not refer to that rash, nor to his bad breath).

 

Some may not know that Turbo always carries a 7.62 projectile around with him, claiming that this is the bullet that wounded him. After all, a war wound is a much better earner than is a mozzie bite when he had a hole in his insect net.

 

It was however, bull that pointed out that Turbo's projectile contained no rifling marks, and when that fact hit the papers there was .......

[turboplanner]

....open laughter.

Turbo scowled; he had supported these jounalists for years;played cricket with them, dressed them when they'd had too much to drink, and even written their stories for them when they were laying in the back rooms of the Melbourne club paralitic, bet when he started to tell them the story of the 7.62 they were moved to tears.

 

Yes, it was true there were no rifling marks.

 

The senior officers were the first to leave their posts when the edrvishes started ti win. Turo calulated their mathematical advantage at 1.04:1 so the best he could hope for was to die like a herol in 14 months and three days.

 

He had to change that ratio so he started filing the rifling down in the barrel with an old nail file lent to him by Mata Hari who lived down the pass with George Hari her uncle.

 

Night after night he filed until his fingers bled. Night after night he .......

 

[bull]

7 hours ago, turboplanner said:

....open laughter.

Turbo scowled; he had supported these jounalists for years;played cricket with them, dressed them when they'd had too much to drink, and even written their stories for them when they were laying in the back rooms of the Melbourne club paralitic, bet when he started to tell them the story of the 7.62 they were moved to tears.

 

Yes, it was true there were no rifling marks.

 

The senior officers were the first to leave their posts when the edrvishes started ti win. Turo calulated their mathematical advantage at 1.04:1 so the best he could hope for was to die like a herol in 14 months and three days.

 

He had to change that ratio so he started filing the rifling down in the barrel with an old nail file lent to him by Mata Hari who lived down the pass with George Hari her uncle.

 

Night after night he filed until his fingers bled. Night after night he .......

 

.continued until  a few days later ,when a new scandal arose after a video from the late 1980,s surfaced of Turdy and Ratty aka Capitanio/captain flying small dangerous ultralights in Australia with similar rifling on the old 303,s left over from the Kyber Pass fitted under the wings[disclaimer: the validity of any names and facts presented in this arrangement have NOT been fact checked and are liable to some if not all being true  or being BS] Now this video was very hard to obtain but the resolute old Bull brings the goods for your pleasure...https://studio.youtube.com/video/7hGY8Qjx-Fg/edit       .........The antics of these flyers really upset the..............

Edited September 28 by bull

[Captain]

2 hours ago, bull said:

The antics of these flyers really upset the..............

.... "Elites" of the flying (avref) caper, and the Pubic Servants within CASA and the NTSB.

 

Then the "Elites" became confused, as while Crappy was just a hard-working pleb so they could ignore him, Turdy was a card-carrying member of the Elite class, but they also looked down their noses at him when he used the joys and glories of flight (avref) to simply enjoy himself ("Elites" don't do such things).

 

Although dark clouds (avref) were on the horizon, artificial or otherwise (avref), and what had become known as "The Turbo War Wound Incident" (the TWWI) became an added problem for Turbo's credibility when an astute ABC reporter (note the contronyms ... sic) filed a story about the use of AK47s in the Khyber Pass conflict of 1880 when Turbs was there, under the heading "Just what Khyber was Turbo Up?".

 

His prized 7.62 projectile thence became more famous than the one that turned in 6 different directions after plugging JFK, and the demands on Turbo became ...... 

 

A forensic review of the very projectile that Turbo carries around to make his claims of his wounding and maiming. Please note that there are FA riffling marks. (It's always the coverup that causes the downfall, as Turbo's mate Dan well knows).

Edited September 28 by Captain