The Never Ending Story

[onetrack]

.......more strident and insistent, as regards the truth behind the 7.62mm bullet with no rifling marks!  

 

Turbo stayed silent as the furore increased, and more and more stories came out, about how he'd found a stray un-expended 7.62 mm bullet near the firing range at Kapooka, when he'd been up visiting Cappy, and he'd carefully removed the bullet and fabricated the whole story about his limp, and the Pashtun bullet reportedly extracted from his hip.

 

Of course, Cappy drove the furore by feeding the journos titbits about Turbo's constant character flaws, and the fantasy land he lives in. "We all know AK-47's and M60's weren't around in the 1880's!" exclaimed Cappy - "so who's going to end up with egg on their face?"

 

"You are!", retorted Turbo, when he finally broke his silence. "Your talk about the 1880's Khyber Pass stoush, was the story of my grandfather! I was there again in the Russian invasion of Afghanistan, and I taught the Russians all they know about fighting tactics!"

 

"So ... that'd be the reason they lost the war with the Afghans?", sneered Cappy. Turbo blanched. This was one insult too much, and it'd be the last time he gave Cappy any bottles of gin for his birthday, because he'd finally.........

[Captain]

18 minutes ago, onetrack said:

"So ... that'd be the reason they lost the war with the Afghans?", sneered Cappy. Turbo blanched. This was one insult too much, and it'd be the last time he gave Cappy any bottles of gin for his birthday, because he'd finally........

....... tumbled to the fact that Cappy is a craven ......

[bull]

6 hours ago, Captain said:

....... tumbled to the fact that Cappy is a craven ......

.A sort of smoker and enlisted the aid of the internet to ...........  

[Captain]

Dear NESers.

 

I have just returned from a visit, as a guest of their government, to commemorate the battles of the Khyber, and snapped the below to give you some indication of what Cappy & his best mate Turbo went through. 

 

The gate that honours the spot where Turbo first discovered the delights of the Khyber (NTTIAWWT).

 

The actual Pass, photographed last Thursday.

 

The monument to commemorate the spot where Turbo was shot. As you can see, the monument is in better nick than is Turbo.

 

Locals at the monument giving thanks for Turbo's sacrifice. I didn't have the heart to tell them about the 7.62 rifling controversy and the fact that he may have drawn the wound on himself with an indelible pencil.

Edited September 29 by Captain

[onetrack]

.....uncover more of Cappys failings and cover-ups, to make Turbo's transgressions and elaborate fabrications look a lot less deceiving.

 

He railed against Cappy and his pointing out of the unrifled bullet; "How many people know about the time you took off (long-overdue avref) with the logbook sitting on the wing, and you had to land again and try to find it, without anyone seeing you?"

 

Cappy went pale. He wasn't aware that anyone, let alone Turbo, had known about his little mistake. Anyone can make mistakes, but letting Turbo find out about them, was.............

[Captain]

.... asking for trouble (and extortion) because Turbo is also known as "One of Melbournistan's most colorful Racing identities" and is the basis for the Harry Strang character in the Jack Irish series.

 

The reason .....

 

That's Harry in the centre. Same look, and height, plus the Turbo fake limp from his so-called war wound. (Cappy was providing security when that photo was taken and many people remark on how much he looks like a young Guy Pierce).

Edited September 30 by Captain

[bull]

On 30/09/2024 at 10:55 AM, Captain said:

.... asking for trouble (and extortion) because Turbo is also known as "One of Melbournistan's most colorful Racing identities" and is the basis for the Harry Strang character in the Jack Irish series.

 

The reason .....

 

That's Harry in the centre. Same look, and height, plus the Turbo fake limp from his so-called war wound. (Cappy was providing security when that photo was taken and many people remark on how much he looks like a young Guy Pierce).

............he had won an old nag in a bet and raced it . Now this was just before the great Horse replication scandal and........................

[onetrack]

.....only a little earlier than the Turbine Industries Great Defence Procurement scandal, whereby used missiles from the various Middle East conflicts were gathered up and reconditioned, and sold to AUKUS as new missiles.

 

Turbo was actually sighted at the recent Land Forces International Land Defence Expo, held at the Melbourne Convention Centre, spruiking the huge advantages in purchasing his low-cost, fully recycled missiles, which came with a slew of Green credentials.

 

Turbo became quite animated when he went into high levels of boasting about his companys missiles features. "They're fully tested, as shown by the fact they've been successfully used, which indicates they work!" he said.

"I guess many of you would know, that missiles that fail to go off when they reach their target, are a major problem! We've solved that problem by re-using missiles that were proven to go off!"

 

Despite the regular murmurs of a suspected scandal coming from various other Defence suppliers, the scandal wasn't actually fully uncovered until the missiles were provided to the Ukrainians, whereby it was found, that......

[Captain]

..... 1/3 of them were programmed to hit Tel Aviv and could not be changed (so once fired, Israel declared war in Ukraine & sent Zelinsky a gift of 500 pagers), 1/3 didn’t have engines, propellant or warheads & were marked for "Training Purposes", with those words crossed out using a texta, while the final 1/3 had Nazi insignia and had been discovered by Turbine Deutchland when they ......

[turboplanner]

.....were cleaning out some old caves in Bavaria. A couple of days ago they found.............

[Captain]

5 hours ago, turboplanner said:

.....were cleaning out some old caves in Bavaria. A couple of days ago they found.............

..... a black-market Kinder Surprise manufacturing facility.

 

The genuine Kinder Surprise that all kiddies love, are licensed worldwide to the Turbine Confectionary Group, but these in the Bavarian equivalent of Tora Bora, were being made by Turbine Mossad Inc (an unincorporated joint venture), so you can guess what is inside, for packing into Hezbollah and Hamas member's Jihad Lunch Boxes (the very popular JLBs), plus the Iranian leadership had also become addicted to these little chocky treats, so ......

 

 

A genuine TCG Kinder Surprise.

 

 

An early version of 1 of TMI's pineapple & lime flavored Kinder Surprises, back when it needed a little more work to disguise it, particularly up the top end.

Edited October 5 by Captain

[turboplanner]

...... bull, a shocking chocoholic saw one and......

[Captain]

3 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

...... bull, a shocking chocoholic saw one and......

.... POOF (NTTIAWWT), he was ....

 

[onetrack]

......immediately surrounded by 72 virgins - a real surprise to bull, as in the suburb he was raised in, virgins were virtually unknown, and bull had only encountered one or two in his lifetime - whereupon he instantly understood why they were still virgins.

 

Still reeling from the shock of reaching for a choccy and suddenly being surrounded by virgins, bull was at a loss as to what...........

[turboplanner]

.......to do. The Archangel, Gabriel walked up to him and said “What’s up Bro” and bull replied .......

 

[Captain]

3 hours ago, turboplanner said:

.......to do. The Archangel, Gabriel walked up to him and said “What’s up Bro” and bull replied .......

 

..... "G'day Gabe, old mate, about half of those virgins are blokes in black ninja gear, who haven't had a shower in weeks, so is there any chance that I can give the 72 Virgins a miss, and just avail myself of 1 or 2 experienced older ladies like those from the ......

Edited October 6 by Captain

[turboplanner]

......Punjab.

Gabriel thought for a while and said “You realise you don’t get choice here.; it says here you were a prawn smuggler.”

bull was shocked.

“How do I get back?”

Gabriel said “See that bright light over there. Walk into that. Now xxxx off.”

bull.......

[Captain]

33 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

Gabriel said “See that bright light over there. Walk into that. Now xxxx off.”

bull.......

..... made a mental note to include this exchange with Gabe in his resume ...... and also to embellish it a fair bit in his next book (bull had been watching how Harry's book "Spare" was going and had decided to call his autobiography ".....

[onetrack]

....."Spare Prawns", as there's always plenty of prawns to spare, whenever bull pulls into the fishing boat harbour. But bull ran into a problem when he visited a publisher. "Who the **** wrote this ****?", the publisher said, using words that he knew bull would understand, straight up.

"The punctuation is terrible!", he went on. "The paragraphs all run into one another, there's long blank bits with rows of dots - and to make it even worse, no-one would be able to follow the plot, it's so rambling, it makes......

 

Edited October 7 by onetrack

[Captain]

..... Stephen Hawking's books appear to be ......

 

It has long been known, and discussed in detail on the Dark NES, that bull may be the Stephen Hawking of aviation (and prawning) ..... in our time.

 

The question must therefore be asked ... "Is that bull or Steve?"

Edited October 7 by Captain

[turboplanner]

6 hours ago, Captain said:

..... Stephen Hawking's books appear to be ......

 

It has long been known, and discussed in detail on the Dark NES, that bull may be the Stephen Hawking of aviation (and prawning) ..... in our time.

 

The question must therefore be asked ... "Is that bull or Steve?"

Unfortunately someone told bull and he let his hair grow long and dyed it white so soon he was looking like Einstein ( that was about as close as he could get to Steve. He started to....

[Captain]

1 hour ago, turboplanner said:

Unfortunately someone told bull and he let his hair grow long and dyed it white so soon he was looking like Einstein ( that was about as close as he could get to Steve. He started to....

..... write equations on the chook raffle notice board when he was having a few beers down at the pub, and schpeaking with a German/Jewish accent.

 

"E=mc squared, so show us your c" because Al's/bull's new pick-up line, and he would then ......

Edited October 7 by Captain

[turboplanner]

....., if the mood was right, start talking about his caves.

“There was a small entrance labelled JG” he started, but it was huge inside. Asylum entered there was a sign saying ,’Das Alle Metin, JOE Gobles” - typical of course, no PR man could ever spell. In there were.....

[Captain]

..... boxes and boxes of gold plated pendants of tiny V2 rockets, each with a certificate of authenticity authorized personally by Werner von Braun and Adolph Hitler (signed from Dolph & Vern).

 

He quickly realized that these might be valuable collector's items, except perhaps in Israel, and he soon had them .....

 

Here is the obverse of one of the sample pendants. The heart is at the centre of the " Love from Dolph & Vern" engraving, as done personally by each of them..

Edited October 8 by Captain

[turboplanner]

......Vern was going through one of his Blue periods. As we know the V1 wasn't exactly a roaring success, most of them shooting straight over the top of England and landing out in the Artic Sea. Dolph cracked a joke and said Vern would be better off making pendants and the rest is history,