The Never Ending Story

[Captain]

5 hours ago, turboplanner said:

......Vern was going through one of his Blue periods. As we know the V1 wasn't exactly a roaring success, most of them shooting straight over the top of England and landing out in the Artic Sea. Dolph cracked a joke and said Vern would be better off making pendants and the rest is history,   

..... although Vern is recorded to have provided an explanation to Dolph that said, in German, that the performance of the V1 was akin to premature ejaculation, and could therefore be cured by lots of practice and a lack of good looking partners (and that, dear readers, is where Ukraine came to the fore as a member of the axis).

 

The result was the V2 and Vern never looked back, although he did become synonymous with .......

Edited October 9 by Captain

[turboplanner]

...the Ku Klux Clan German Chapter when he moved to Florida.

He said it was for the sun,  but as Mar-a Lago Avenue started filing with Shultz, Von Einem, Bleck, and Schatsenbaken families and Schitzels and Pretzels were added to the local pub's menu of gumbo, he began to wonder if he would be noticed, so volunteered his rocket skills to the US Government. NASA didn't say anything but remember that time when one of the rockets went round and round the earth three times before they could get it down, and the Mars rocket that shot past Mars and was last heard heading for ..................

[Captain]

.... downtown London, however the floridian Germans were still using Enigma for their messaging, as WhatsApp was still a few years away, and with Benedict Cumberbatch's solution to the enigma codes, the poms were able to ......

[turboplanner]

.......shift London 50 km to the west and Dr WVB missed again.

 

In typical US fashion they gave him the job of hitting..........

[Captain]

22 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

.......shift London 50 km to the west and Dr WVB missed again.

 

In typical US fashion they gave him the job of hitting..........

..... the moon, after all, how hard can it be?

 

But when NASA stipulated "No Warheads,.............. just astronauts", Vern became......

[turboplanner]

....jittery; he knew the Americans weren't into Final Solutions and even one life could get you into trouble, and he'd been telling people his parents were Cambodian, hence the accent.

 

He would have to be careful setting up the track, and as he tapped it out on his IBM Golf Ball, he hesitated; was it 245+sqroot*40 or 2 squroot 40*45.............................

 

[Captain]

10 hours ago, turboplanner said:

....jittery; he knew the Americans weren't into Final Solutions and even one life could get you into trouble, and he'd been telling people his parents were Cambodian, hence the accent.

 

He would have to be careful setting up the track, and as he tapped it out on his IBM Golf Ball, he hesitated; was it 245+sqroot*40 or 2 squroot 40*45.............................

 

....... when Kevin Kostner said "Hey Vern, drop that calculating malarkey and allow this black girl to work it out for you".

 

Hence they hit the moon 1st shot and Dolph sent Vern a coded message from Argentina, asking why he didn't hire that Aftican American lass as part of Dolph's "Blow up the Pommies with Rockets" program in '44, when it really mattered.

 

Vern 's Cambodian connection had not hitherto been exposed, until Pol Pot von Braun wrote an editorial in the Cambodian Daily Mail saying that he reckoned that the Nazis were pussies and he could do a much better job at ......

Edited October 12 by Captain

[Captain]

Here is a sympathetic photo of Pol Pot von Braun.

Cappy has just completed a 6 hour genealogical investigation and as can be seen from his hairline and his defective jaw, there is also Turbine family blood in there, from his mum's side.

Edited October 12 by Captain

[Captain]

Dear NESers.

 

It is perhaps unsurprising that mention of a homicidal, genocidal, exterminatal, maniac herein, with blood ties to Turbo, has brought these 873 pages to an erky perky halt.

 

However in an attempt to justify the previous posts:

 

Below is a photo of Pol flying his sightseeing aircraft. 

 

And below is a plot of his favourite route to sightsee and to get a $200 Nom Banh Chok (There are no Mackas on that route, so no MackOz for Pol).

Edited October 16 by Captain

[turboplanner]

........lobbing munitions exactly where they are needed. Pol Pot von Braun had a Jewish mother and when war broke out Werner vB cleverly sent them to Cowra Australia. Here PP as his mother called him, went through Cowra High School under a young Mark Oliphant. A young Japanese engineer who’d worked with the USAF and was on the team sent to examine the crashed spacecraft from Roswell found these things he called “Transistors” and he, Mark and PP designed a rocket which could hit.....

 

 

[Captain]

10 hours ago, turboplanner said:

........lobbing munitions exactly where they are needed. Pol Pot von Braun had a Jewish mother and when war broke out Werner vB cleverly sent them to Cowra Australia. Here PP as his mother called him, went through Cowra High School under a young Mark Oliphant. A young Japanese engineer who’d worked with the USAF and was on the team sent to examine the crashed spacecraft from Roswell found these things he called “Transistors” and he, Mark and PP designed a rocket which could hit ....

..... Mars, well before Elon’s gets there. 

 

"The big advantage that our rocket has" explained Pol "Is that we don't give a rats whether the astronauts (We call them DLRs [Disposable Lab Rats]) make it back, although little Mark O had a pang of conscience until we took him around behind the shelter shed at Cowra primary school for an attitude adjustment session, after which he saw the merits of our proposal."

 

However the young Japanese engineer posed a harder .....

Edited October 19 by Captain

[onetrack]

......question to the group. "Why do the aliens found on the crashed Roswell UFO, look so much like Turbo?" The revelation brought out mixed levels of concern amongst the others. Could Turbo have come from an alien family, and perhaps even just be a humanoid, not a genuine homo sapiens?

 

The thought brought disquiet upon many of the assembled gathering, and one of the group spoke up, "I'd heard before, that Turbo had the ability to put a level of terrifying fear into anyone who crossed him, but this revelation is.......

[turboplanner]

2 hours ago, Captain said:

..... Mars, well before Elon’s gets there. 

 

"The big advantage that our rocket has" explained Pol "Is that we don't give a rats whether the astronauts (We call them DLRs [Disposable Lab Rats]) make it back, although little Mark O had a pang of conscience until we took him around behind the shelter shed at Cowra primary school for an attitude adjustment session, after which he saw the merits of our proposal."

 

However the young Japanese engineer posed a harder .....

.......question when he asked; “Can you do Japan to Cowla one hour?”

The other members looked at each other; it was Turbine Investments Inc which had put a limit on speed. Like Henry Ford who had to build the Mustang, a rich man’s Falcon to cover overheads and.....

[Captain]

1 hour ago, onetrack said:

......question to the group. "Why do the aliens found on the crashed Roswell UFO, look so much like Turbo?" The revelation brought out mixed levels of concern amongst the others. Could Turbo have come from an alien family, and perhaps even just be a humanoid, not a genuine homo sapiens?

The above post by OT is extremely prescient, as (1) I have heard Planey refer to Turbo as a homo-something or other, and (2) I am aware that Turdy has been selling photos, drawings and technical components to Elon in order for him to copy Turdy's basic architecture for Elon’s Optimus Robots, below being typical, which is eerily similar to my best mate in shape & texture. 

Edited October 20 by Captain

[turboplanner]

Turbo tried to shut down this unhelpful dialogue by ignoring OT, then Cappy has to go and spread his photo, taken at the Melbourne Art Centre before an unveiling. 

Turbo had worked on this design for years, arguing with the surgeons until he got the design right. those legs need to be that way to swing behind your ears.

OT has also been to the same surgeon on recent months but had to go back for another try because he had too many black parts and that's not good in WA; he's had them replaced with gold to suit his................

[Captain]

14 hours ago, turboplanner said:

OT has also been to the same surgeon on recent months but had to go back for another try because he had too many black parts and that's not good in WA; he's had them replaced with gold to suit his................

..... sparkling personality, and the glitter that he sprinkles onto and into his .......

[Captain]

17 hours ago, onetrack said:

......question to the group. "Why do the aliens found on the crashed Roswell UFO, look so much like Turbo?" The revelation brought out mixed levels of concern amongst the others. Could Turbo have come from an alien family, and perhaps even just be a humanoid, not a genuine homo sapiens?

 

The thought brought disquiet upon many of the assembled gathering, and one of the group spoke up, "I'd heard before, that Turbo had the ability to put a level of terrifying fear into anyone who crossed him, but this revelation is.......

...... clear evidence that our beloved Turbo was able to jump, in a single superman-like single bound from the typical Dan Andrews type neanderthal, past 5 more iterations of knuckle draggers, to homo sapian who, when lucky and when the light is right, can also be homo-erectus.

 

But not to put too fine a point on it, ......

[turboplanner]

.....the shy and reclusive Turbo does his best to cope with these disabilities, and pushes forward to conquer the many obstacles in life, such as when a solid state hard drive saves your work one night then doesn't wake up the next morning.

 

Or ......

 

[Captain]

22 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

.....the shy and reclusive Turbo does his best to cope with these disabilities, and pushes forward to conquer the many obstacles in life, such as when a solid state hard drive saves your work one night then doesn't wake up the next morning.

 

Or ......

 

.... when one's relatively new super dooper laptop, also with a SSHD, goes tah-tahs with no competent computer whiz within 400 kms, and Crappy unable to speak technical Spanish.

 

So crappy is back on his steam driven laptop, in order to keep the vital NES vibrant for our thousands of lurkers.

 

But that's ......

[bull]

13 hours ago, Captain said:

.... when one's relatively new super dooper laptop, also with a SSHD, goes tah-tahs with no competent computer whiz within 400 kms, and Crappy unable to speak technical Spanish.

 

So crappy is back on his steam driven laptop, in order to keep the vital NES vibrant for our thousands of lurkers.

 

But that's ......

.another story altogether,,you should see him trying to work out a new..............

[Captain]

1 hour ago, bull said:

.another story altogether,,you should see him trying to work out a new..............

.... finger spinner, which his cat had been playing with for weeks.

 

Is it perhaps because of ......

 

The finger spinner in question

[turboplanner]

The fact that his cat has four legs, so it doesn't make an ideal hobble. This reminds Turbo of the time, several years after his hands on phase, when he bought four sheep at the local market. The tradition on the farm when transporting less that five sheep was to bind three legs together with baling twine; of course sheep find it difficult to hop up and run away on one leg, just as we do.

 

People on the land know there's always a knack in every single job and if you know it you can work safely all day long but if you don't you'll look a goose sooner or later and on this occasion, Turbo had forgotten the knack in tying the twine when he'd put the sheep in a low-sided trailer, and looked in the mirror on a particularly busy section of street to see three sheep standing up enjoying the view.

 

VERY carefully, he turned a corner and eased the vehicle to a stop. It was not going to be easy to grab all three at once, but he noticed a helpful Samaritan in a blue boiler suit pull up behind him.

 

It was the local stock Inspector; these are usually recruited from semi-retired CASA FOIs, so he knew he was in for a grilling, but he also knew that practice dictated that he had to catch the third sheep. This was quickly done and with Turbo holding two and the SI holding the big ram and his notebook (there is often loss of face if a sheep gets away from an SI, and they're inclined to forget the offences to get out of the ribbing when they get back to the stockyards.)

 

There was a short discussion on what to do because he was a Millennial and tying sheep was unheard of. The trailer certainly wouldn't hold them and the SI could see that Turbo was about to let his go on the streets and worry about transport if he found them, leaving him the lone offender.

 

The SI became placatory as they tried to work out what to do in this Mexican standoff. He suggested about the only thing Turbo could do was put them in the back of his Company 4WD Wagon. Turbo who was on very shaky ground quickly eased his two into the near new car, then put the seats down and helped the SI lift the big ram in.

 

They parted with a meaningful look; no one was going to talk about this, but of course..................................................

[Captain]

7 hours ago, turboplanner said:

They parted with a meaningful look; no one was going to talk about this, but of course ........

..... it got out.

 

No, not the ram, not this fascinating tale where Tubb and the SI had made a pact of silence, and no I'm not referencing Turbo's habit of taking "it" out at parties, nor am I referring to what Turbo's riveting tome has done to our thousands of NES readers, I am referring to .....

Edited October 22 by Captain

[turboplanner]

...the victimisation of Stock Inspectors, particularly at .................................

[Captain]

1 hour ago, turboplanner said:

...the victimisation of Stock Inspectors, particularly at .......

....... the hands of Onesie and bull, who claim the SIs are SIlly, SImple, SInister, inSIgnificant and are human versions of SIgmoidoscopes.

 

But not only that, they are ......

Edited October 22 by Captain