The Never Ending Story

[Captain]

24 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

.....inability to identify which way to push the stick to correct things like spins, sporran dives and sh!t so he kept on showing it all over the place until he'd fluttered down low enough to land. Suited bull so he'd never bothered to change it and of course ........

..... bull loves being inside the box.

 

He is known by his aerobatic mates as "box-man", and similarly, as the ladies have declared at the Bone Rissole, bull is their ".....

Edited Monday at 06:21 PM by Captain

[turboplanner]

Red Bull, although some got confused and called him their Blue Bull, Pink Bull, Yellow Bull etc.

He bought himself an Extra and started taking lessons from a real pilot, a real instructor who for this story has to be disguised. We'll call him the Wingman.

Wingman showed him how to hold ..........

[Captain]

18 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

Wingman showed him how to hold ......

.... his liquor, grow a moustache and wear a cravat, just like the Spitfire pilots in the BOB (not the Ahlox pilot types at the Blue Oyster, but he was referring to the Battle of Britain).

 

bull threw himself into the lessons with gutso, which is his dog's name, and he .....

[turboplanner]

........didn't forget gutso when he graduated. He made gotso a little seat behind his head rest with a blood red five point harness just like his own.

 

Perhaps bull should have thought this through; gutso was named after his habit in the Bone RSL of scooping up any scraps falling from the tables and sometimes those scraps had been through the digestive tracts of merry makers.

 

gutso seemed to be enjoying the climb out of the airport, with little yaps at the passing clouds, but 40 minutes later right in the middle of a barrel roll he went for the Big Chuck.

 

The rotating aircraft sprayed undigested pieces of steak and a yellow liquid all over bull who ......

[Captain]

1 hour ago, turboplanner said:

..... he went for the Big Chuck.

 

The rotating aircraft sprayed undigested pieces of steak and a yellow liquid all over bull who ......

..... said, as he wiped the yellow liquid (which looked a bit like hollandaise sause, but from inside a pooch) from around his mouth, off his blood red harness and from inside both cups of his new bose noise cancellors "oh gusto you naughty boy/girl/thing" (bull is very sensitive to canine gender conventions, as he had in the past fallen foul of ......

[turboplanner]

.......the Diversity Act of Tasmania and was accosted by 6 sets of identical twins.

There used to be a law in Australia that it was mandatory to carry a firearm in any aircraft carrying an animal, but it was rescinded after too many pilots shot passengers, so bull was restricted to giving gutso a good cuff under the ear, but the angle didn't make it easy to get his hand out of the way and gutso bit him on the piggy to market finger.

bull ........

 

[Captain]

10 hours ago, turboplanner said:

.......the Diversity Act of Tasmania and was accosted by 6 sets of identical twins.

There used to be a law in Australia that it was mandatory to carry a firearm in any aircraft carrying an animal, but it was rescinded after too many pilots shot passengers, so bull was restricted to giving gutso a good cuff under the ear, but the angle didn't make it easy to get his hand out of the way and gutso bit him on the piggy to market finger.

bull ........

 

..... cocked his Piggy-went-to-market thumb and pointed his Piggy-stayed-home finger at gutso (in a .22 behind the ear out behind the barn, type of gesture that all country dogs know, after they have eaten a few chickens or upchucked on their owners).

 

gutso thought that this was the end and went wee-wee-wee all over his seat in the Jackoff.

 

To say that bull was disappointed was an understatement, but in usual bull form, he just ......

[bull]

8 hours ago, Captain said:

..... cocked his Piggy-went-to-market thumb and pointed his Piggy-stayed-home finger at gutso (in a .22 behind the ear out behind the barn, type of gesture that all country dogs know, after they have eaten a few chickens or upchucked on their owners).

 

gutso thought that this was the end and went wee-wee-wee all over his seat in the Jackoff.

 

To say that bull was disappointed was an understatement, but in usual bull form, he just ......

.just banked to Gusto,s side and let it dribble down and out the...

[turboplanner]

.......pitot tube. Luckily bull had a big pitot tube. It was painted green and he.......

[Captain]

41 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

.......pitot tube. Luckily bull had a big pitot tube. It was painted green and he.......

..... thought that it looked very patriotic with the wattle yellow of the gutso juice In front of the eucalypt green of the pitot tube, so bull, being a super Aussie, naturally broke into song by repeating "girt by sea" 20 times to the tune of waltzing  .......

Edited yesterday at 10:13 PM by Captain

[turboplanner]

...across Texas.

Granted it did look a bit strange when bull took gutso's front paws and gutso danced the waltz on his hind legs.

Some people even said..............

 

 

 

 

 

Edited yesterday at 10:25 PM by turboplanner

[Captain]

12 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

...across Texas.

Granted it did look a bit strange when bull took gutso's front paws and gutso danced the waltz on his hind legs.

Some people even said.......

..... that this may indicate an improper relationship under section 204 of the Texas penile code, unless of course bull identifies as a female Red Setter, in which case it would be hunky dory and everyone would be rooting for gutso as he.....

Edited yesterday at 10:36 PM by Captain

[turboplanner]

....would be the most beautiful female in Texas.

Sure enough, the spokesperon for this group was OT and he'd hatched a plan to sell CAT parts into Texas with ads featuring the beautiful gutso which he would lease from bull,  and gutso's modelling fees and make-up sales would cover the lease.

 

The Extra went back in the shed, bull bought himself some high heel cowboy boots, a Turquise belt, turquoise rings, and took lessons in the Texas language which only had four wordsn"Yi, Hah, Hey, and Dude."  At first ......

[Captain]

1 hour ago, turboplanner said:

The Extra went back in the shed, bull bought himself some high heel cowboy boots, a Turquise belt, turquoise rings, and took lessons in the Texas language which only had four wordsn"Yi, Hah, Hey, and Dude."  At first ......

..... bull's new G700 Gulfstream looked a little ostentatious, but bull speaks plainly to the peasants, and when asked by a CNN reporter he just said "Well Elon has one so it only seems .....

 

When OT sends gutso home to spend some time with bull, he (gutso, not bull) is kept in an upchuck proof container in the back of the bentley or in seat 8D of the G700 (or g700 as bull describes it).

Edited 23 hours ago by Captain

[CT9000]

3 hours ago, Captain said:

..... bull's new G700 Gulfstream looked a little ostentatious, but bull speaks plainly to the peasants, and when asked by a CNN reporter he just said "Well Elon has one so it only seems .....

 

When OT sends gutso home to spend some time with bull, he (gutso, not bull) is kept in an upchuck proof container in the back of the bentley or in seat 8D of the G700 (or g700 as bull describes it).

.....reasonable after putting in such a valiant effort, R series, S series, Ap5, Ap6, VE, etc. ....

[turboplanner]

....fair that I should have one too. After all the Victorian Government has signed a contract for rabbit control at the new airport, and have already approved the G700 as a company transport.

While I was in there for signing they showed me the Purchase contracts for The Emperor's Palace and grounds in Tokyo, Big Ben, Plymouth Rock and the Sydney Harbour Bridge as well as ......."

 

The mention of a Gulfstream G700 and Seat G8 is interesting because a G700 was lost over XXXXXXXXXXXXXX, and we can't tell you what happened because it would blow the lid on the NES.

[Captain]

2 hours ago, turboplanner said:

....fair that I should have one too. After all the Victorian Government has signed a contract for rabbit control at the new airport, and have already approved the G700 as a company transport.

While I was in there for signing they showed me the Purchase contracts for The Emperor's Palace and grounds in Tokyo, Big Ben, Plymouth Rock and the Sydney Harbour Bridge as well as ......."

..... an ironclad guarantee to add me and Turdy to Mount Rushmore".

 

bull was also very pleased with a gift of Cuban cigars with Fidel's name crossed off the label and Monica's name added in Bill's handwriting.

 

bull loves this type of quirky gift and sniffed the 1st cigar as you do to appreciate a fine Cuban and ......

[turboplanner]

.....quickly realsied gutso had got there first as the acrid smoke filled the room with an odour of ..........

[Captain]

13 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

.....quickly realsied gutso had got there first as the acrid smoke filled the room with an odour of ..........

..... gutso's hollandaise, Fidel's communist fervor including a purge or two, Bill's slimeyness, and Monica's .....

Edited 7 hours ago by Captain

[turboplanner]

.....teeth.

It wasn't a pretty sight, and bull who had come to love the smell of the sea crashing on the bows of his Trawler "Captain Cook III" and life where you walked outside the door, trawled a line behind the boat and brought in fresh sushi a minute later was .........

[Captain]

2 hours ago, turboplanner said:

.....teeth.

It wasn't a pretty sight, and bull who had come to love the smell of the sea crashing on the bows of his Trawler "Captain Cook III" and life where you walked outside the door, trawled a line behind the boat and brought in fresh sushi a minute later was .........

.... certainly drawn back to the sea again, but in bull's case he was longing to visit Tahiti again to see the dusky maidens where, in the 1800's, he could obtain anything he wanted (and even that), for the price of a nail (hence the crude term so often used by onetrack).

 

bull for sure & certain does not engage in gluttony, but he did buy his bags of nails by the tonne, which resulted in .....

Edited 5 hours ago by Captain

[turboplanner]

The Tahitians eventually being able to trade the nails for a  50 cal sniper rifle which was used to shoot Cappy's ancestor when the Chief caught him on the beach having a moonlight dip with the Chief's wife.

 

They said he was killed by an arrow of course, but when your guts have been blown out it's hard for forensics to prove much at all.

 

Everyone gave Tahiti a wide berth after that and even today, tourist ...........

[Captain]

7 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

The Tahitians eventually being able to trade the nails for a  50 cal sniper rifle which was used to shoot Cappy's ancestor when the Chief caught him on the beach having a moonlight dip with the Chief's wife.

 

They said he was killed by an arrow of course, but when your guts have been blown out it's hard for forensics to prove much at all.

 

Everyone gave Tahiti a wide berth after that and even today, tourist ...........

.....s have reported the ghostly sounds if a 50 cal rifle bolt sliding closed in the mists down on the beach at midnight after a few gins and nails have changed hands.

 

As everyone knows, 50 cal bolt actions have their good sides, and their bad sides, and this often confuses ......

[turboplanner]

......laymen who think the rifle is deadly accurate over a distance of one mile. It's not, as Turbo can attest when he was in camo and shooting accuracy just prior to being shipped to Afghanistan. The Camo was find with some lipstick from Woolworths, and a cape of brown rocks sewn together, but the shooting wasn't as sharp as it should have been, so he drove up to DG and shot a rabbit through the eye at eight miles, or he thinks he did. When he got to the spot all he could find were 30 tufts of bunny hair and ............. 

[Captain]

..... that bunny's luck rabbit's foot.

 

Some may consider that a strange description until it was pointed out that the other 3 that were vaporised were much more unlucky.

 

That shot became legend and Turbo had himself tattooed with the words 8 miles on a Bunny equals 0.0000012 MOA.

 

Speaking tours around DG and district were oversubscribed before Turbs ......