The Never Ending Story

[Captain]

16 hours ago, onetrack said:

.......in the earliest days of the world, when aircraft were made of rag and tube, and all recreational aircraft engines were 2 strokes started with a pull cord, there camest out of the East, Wise Men calling themselves Recreational Aviation Australia.

These Wise Men came bearing gifts and promises to the AUF stable, inside which place they prophesied that the RA-A would lead the world out of aviation darkness, and into the aviation light of the coming centuries. The AUF was taken in by these prophecies, and looked for............

..... 1000kgs, 150 knot cruise speeds indicated (avf'nref) and Controlled Airspace Endorsements.

 

Turbo, who is recognised as a Wise Man from just about anywhere, (just consider how little pushback he receives, and how 100% well accepted are his tomes that opinionate on just about any subject on any thread on Wreck Flying) was an expert on aviation darkness, although he had never bothered about a Night Flying Endorsement ("The dickhead regulators (DRs) can't see you then, anyway, if you make sure that you don't have any nav or instrument lights on (so make sure you also turn off your transponder and radio)" he said to rapturous applause, in a paper that he delivered at an AUF AGM). This earnt Turbo the title of ......

 

Below is just a small sample of the thrill of flying at night without lights, a pastime that Turbo encourages all pilots to partake of ........ or he declares them to be "Albos" (wimps and wooses).

 

Edited 15 hours ago by Captain

[turboplanner]

Honorary board member. Not everyone knew that AUF bms were just Committeemen (so far they had resisted the Diversity that come when women start making decisions (other than their lovely wives of course).

 

So the title was little more than a back-hander, but Turbo used the time to teach trusted friends the art of flying at night without lights.

 

Of course the secondary Module had to be Short Field Landings (SFL) which today's AUF members didn't seem to know much about; If there's a runway for 747s, you can bet there will be Jabirus turning on to the last taxyway. The reason for the module was to make any collisions soft ones.

 

Using just these two Modules the combined BSFL (black) ensured that CASA couldn't touch you.

 

Even the famous aviator Bigglesworth, who flew from the east coast, over the dividing range with just a Morgan and a $3.00 compass was stunned to find after landing at Tocumwal, the parked Challenger on the last tee of the Tocumwal Gold Club.

 

On one occasion, with no runways available and short on fuel one of the BSFLs, bull ............

 

 

[Captain]

..... built a 25 m long deck on the trawler, moored it in McCanes Bay just off the Big Mango, and waited for the new moon.

 

At the appropriate time in the lunar cycle, which had synchronised with Mavis, bull strapped himself into the jackoff after smashing all the globes (he had already ordered a new set of LEDs from Aircraft Spruce), told Mavis not to step on the broken glass, and to take some photos (without a flash), as he undertook a dry run just like Kirby Shambles before an air race, in preparation for commencing his take-off run, ready to head out for a Turdbro inspired short field night-time landing on the trawler, which he had renamed the "hmas bone" for this exercise.

 

"what could possibly go wrong?" said bull as he kissed Mavis where the sun doesn't shine, which is apt, given that the night was as dark as the inside of a cow.

 

bull had a quick pull .....

Edited 10 hours ago by Captain

[turboplanner]

.......over stretch to make sure he kept warm, and they were away.

The first thing bull found was that when you smash all the lights you can't see the compass. He should have listened to Turbo's lecture, he thought, but knowing there was a solution he and Mavis started working it out .......

[Captain]

.... after putting it in, and they found a solution that ....

[turboplanner]

.....would work. Mavis would hold her torch on the GPS and bull would  judge the distance from the ground but the amount of foliage being chopped up by the prop.

 

There was a ......

[Captain]

1 hour ago, turboplanner said:

.....would work. Mavis would hold her torch on the GPS and bull would  judge the distance from the ground but the amount of foliage being chopped up by the prop.

 

There was a ......

..... moment of concern when, in mid flight after clipping the huge casuarina next to the Big Mango, bull realised that he had left his sunnies on and .....

[onetrack]

.....this, along with still wearing the gumboots he usually wore on the trawler, made controlling the aircraft and landing a little more "tricky" (bull's words, not mine) than usual.

 

However, after bull finally recognised that a hedge of large hibiscus bushes made for a soft landing, he finally plonked the aircraft down in the hibiscus and came to a stop so fast, Turbo and the committee awarded him a special trophy for the Shortest of the Short.

 

As bull was height-challenged, he took offence at being given the award, and in the best bull fashion, he wasted no time in telling Turbo and the committee, "where they could shove their f$#@# Short award!!" Turbo was a little upset at bull taking this award the wrong way, and set out to...........

[turboplanner]

fly again. It was no good, he had no idea whether he was rightside up or facing the ground. Clearly he hadn't read Turbo's epic book "Inside the Pyramid".

Suddenly the calm voice of Mavis rang out "Right aileron; more...more..hold it" and nose up; more, more - we're now in a shallow climb."

Bull was stunned; the engine note was now normal and the noise of branches hitting the windscreen had died away.

"How did you do that?" he asked.

 "Found a piece of string and tied my wedding ring to it"

"But it's pitch black in here how did you work out where the ring was dangling?"

Mavis wouldn't tell him, she was an old WAAF member and they had been trained by old Flight Sergeant Arthur Turbine who used to turn the ligts out in the Mess and .......

Edited 8 hours ago by turboplanner

[Captain]

.... wait for the mess, which .....

[turboplanner]

........was going to happen when all the airmen came in to practice BSFL.

Arthur eventually taught them how to keep their feet out of the cooking pots and set a course for ......

[onetrack]

......Lake Boga, so they could practise their night ditchings, as well as their BFSL. Bull was wrapped, he always loved the water, and it wouldn't be the first time he managed to catch a bucket of prawns at the same time as he managed a successful night ditching. However, this time was going to be different. This time, there was no...........

[turboplanner]

.......bottom to the lake. You swam or you sank forever, so better to make a successful ditch black or not.

 

Not many people know that Lake Boga is the home of the original Bogans.

 

They.......