The Never Ending Story

[Captain]

4 hours ago, turboplanner said:

.....bend the vertical stab if overdone and to finish off, a Schafenstaker skid to ....... 

..... land TWF (tail wheel first) and hold the main gear off the deck for 500 yards while keeping her feet off the rudder peddles (as evidenced by Poco's feet being visible to the crowd, up behind her ears).

 

That became her signature maneuver and the one about which she was most proud, so it became know in aerobatics circles as the .....

 

PS - For those NESers who are non aerobat, the Schafenstaker Skid is world champion stuff, therefore banned in lesser competitions, as the skid often results in skid marks, and not just on the runway.

Edited December 31, 2024 by Captain

[turboplanner]

........Pokahontas Split.

Many of the world's top aerobativs pilots aspired to this but they were never able to..... 

[Captain]

1 hour ago, turboplanner said:

........Pokahontas Split.

Many of the world's top aerobativs pilots aspired to this but they were never able to..... 

..... keep their legs behind their ears for long enough. 

 

But Poko had plenty of experience at that, so the Schafenstaker was a doddle forher, but the .....

Edited December 31, 2024 by Captain

[turboplanner]

Aerobatic Aces (AA) kept trying and some managed to lose their beer guts, others overcame the severe pain of sore backs and yet others ..........

[Captain]

8 hours ago, turboplanner said:

Aerobatic Aces (AA) kept trying and some managed to lose their beer guts, others overcame the severe pain of sore backs and yet others ..........

..... were so keen to win the World Aerobatic Championship, particularly the Chinese, the Samoans, the Afghans and the Palestinians, that they had their knees broken and a double joint surgically inserted.

 

However, for those competitors, walking to and from the aircraft now looked more like the poliex of those kids at school who had double jointed thumbs (and Steven Hawking could beat them in a race), or .....

Edited December 31, 2024 by Captain

[turboplanner]

....in the case of the Chinese, scrutable.

Not many people know that Turbo was quite a good aerobatic pilot, but he never won a championship because he only flew a Moth Minor, so always had trouble keeping it in the box whereas Cappy had no problemas because he had the more powerful  Puss Moth.

However in one competition ........................

[Captain]

2 hours ago, turboplanner said:

....in the case of the Chinese, scrutable.

Not many people know that Turbo was quite a good aerobatic pilot, but he never won a championship because he only flew a Moth Minor, so always had trouble keeping it in the box whereas Cappy had no problemas because he had the more powerful  Puss Moth.

However in one competition ........................

..... Cappy the ABB (Aerobatic Black Belt) gave Turbo the ABS (Aerobatic Black Sheep) some cunning tips about how to stick it into the box and then how to keep it in the box for more than his usual 3 minutes (he uses a sand based egg timer originally given to him by OT [in order to get rid of some of the sand from WA]) ...... but he didn't have enough grunt and it just kept slipping out.

 

The Moth Minor simply needed more grunt and Turdy needed to resort to ......

Edited December 31, 2024 by Captain

[turboplanner]

.......a rebore to get more capacity, shaving the head for higher compression, grinding and opening up the gas flow (being careful not to grind the guide flush).

He also recontoured the big end.

He adjusted the timing, used a lower viscosity oil, and quickly passed Cappy, becoming a favourite of the judges who...............

[Captain]

..... declared Turbo as the leader of the golden age of aerobatic competition.

 

Tubb received 15 year sponsorship deals from Red bull, Monster Energy drinks, bull's prawns & seaweed, the WA lack of progress association, the Queensland Chip on Shoulder alliance (all the stickers pulled 10 knots off the aircraft) and .....

Edited December 31, 2024 by Captain

[turboplanner]

........the AUF Aerobatics team, and the CASA Ramp Check Team.

Turbo started to get nervous. Sitting in the Moth before his turn in the box at the Grong Grong Advanced Aerobatics Week, he noticed his hands shaking and he was sweating with fear. He got out of the Moth and tried to roll it back out of the queue, but the way was blocked by an over-eager Cappy who'd pushed two wide, so there was nothing for it but to face the music. "Toughen up!, you're an ace aerobatics pilot! he told himself but an unhelpful voive came back "No I'm not" and he wondered if he could pull it off this time. He sat looking up at the box, and noticed OT (sponsored by Kalgoorlie Tarts) making mistake after mistake, losing points by the second and he relaxed "I couldn't do worse than that" he said to himself and no one disagreed, so he kept rolling until it was his turn...............

[bull]

1 hour ago, turboplanner said:

........the AUF Aerobatics team, and the CASA Ramp Check Team.

Turbo started to get nervous. Sitting in the Moth before his turn in the box at the Grong Grong Advanced Aerobatics Week, he noticed his hands shaking and he was sweating with fear. He got out of the Moth and tried to roll it back out of the queue, but the way was blocked by an over-eager Cappy who'd pushed two wide, so there was nothing for it but to face the music. "Toughen up!, you're an ace aerobatics pilot! he told himself but an unhelpful voive came back "No I'm not" and he wondered if he could pull it off this time. He sat looking up at the box, and noticed OT (sponsored by Kalgoorlie Tarts) making mistake after mistake, losing points by the second and he relaxed "I couldn't do worse than that" he said to himself and no one disagreed, so he kept rolling until it was his turn...............

..............but suddenly there was a commotion up in the queue in front of him,some jackaroo pilot was arguing with the casa jerk and the jerk tried to arrest him , But Bull was too smart for that and had planned ahead as with a giant roar , OT flew overhead at zero feet taking off the casa jerks hat and nametag! So Bull took his chance and the jackaroo could be heard screaming down the runway to.................. 

[Captain]

..... the massive applause of the Grong Grong footy club, who were there en-masse because they had been told of bull's 15 AFL premierships, when he also won mam-of-the-match in all of those games. That was all garbage but Turbine Promotion thought it worth the risk of exposure, just to get the crouds in through the gate of the Grongy Aerobats Klub.

 

bull looks like Tony Locket, many of them thought, and he ....

Edited Wednesday at 01:51 AM by Captain

[onetrack]

.....received increasing applause from all of the assembled mob, as the Jackeroo laboured to reach a decent altitude, so bull could show off his Immelmann turn skills. But the Jacka coughed and spluttered as bull hauled back on the stick to commence the turn, and next thing, bull was seeing sky-ground-sky-ground-sky-ground-sky-ground, at a fear-inducing rate.

 

But our intrepid hero wasn't fazed, and as the crowd gazed in horror and many gasped, and the applause stopped, bull pulled a...............

[turboplanner]

...Cigar from his pocket and began to imitate Churchill with his two finger salutes to the crowd, pulling out at the last second which was something he always had done up to now, but .............

[Captain]

7 hours ago, turboplanner said:

...Cigar from his pocket and began to imitate Churchill with his two finger salutes to the crowd, pulling out at the last second which was something he always had done up to now, but .............

.... as well as being a Churchillian sycophant, bull also admired Bill Clinton ("my aim is to be just like him ..... except for Hillary)" said bull as he fingered his cigar and dreamt of climbing up (avref) back into the box, and he .....

Edited Wednesday at 01:30 PM by Captain

[onetrack]

.....also dreamt of being a President of a large country (besides being recognised as an aerobatics master), but his daydreaming was cut short as OT's voice came over the radio. "Jackeroo eight niner niner two, are you following me?" 

Bul was startled back to reality by the voice. He'd forgotten he was supposed to follow OT into the formation of 3 Jackas and 3 Drifters, and he also suddenly remembered that there was a ribbon-cutting-with-wings show to come, after the formation flying was finished. He thumbed the button on his joystick and replied, "Ahh, ahhh.............

[Captain]

1 hour ago, onetrack said:

"Ahh, ahhh.......

.... , ahhhhh, jim lad (ot's real name is james), this is bull the pirate pilot and I'm ready, willing and able to partake of formation flying as one of the essential jackoffs" replied bull on the ctaf frequency (while capital letter challenged, bull can be a little verbose at times, which is one of the reasons that the coffee lady at the hospital gave him the flick ["just do it" she would say, but he'd always want to discuss it is detail & at length]).

 

OT is a patient soul, so he throttled back and held the formation straight and level to give bull time to climb into position (OT was at 2,500 ft agl so it should have only taken less than a minute for bull & his jackoff to reach that level after takeoff).

 

Onesie waited & waited, and .....

Edited Wednesday at 02:51 PM by Captain

[turboplanner]

.........then bull came slowly into view. He'd taken to eating hos own prawns for breakfast while out on the trawler and had been picking the last stubborn shell out of his teeth.

bull keyed the mic and said in fornmal AUL radio protocol "Where do you want me Onesie?" 

OneTrack .........

[Captain]

..... replied using his best Wing Commander voice "Go where the hole is in the XXXXen formation, it's not rocket surgery, mate".

 

Then OT, ever the professional, remembered that bull can burr up (or not supply free prawns) on officious a.holes, so he quickly added "But at your own leisure and pace, bull, old mate".

 

bull cranked the jackoff into a 6g turn and came into his formation position from the other side while buzzing all the other aircraft, then stopped on a Zac via judicious use of his air brakes and called OT "Wingman has your six, OEHOR, so let's ....

Edited Wednesday at 05:39 PM by Captain

[turboplanner]

.......boogie.

Now astute NES readers will notice that bull knew just how to play senior officials, appearing to grovel by using OEHOR's formal name.

OEHORE visibly preened at this and Cappy and Turbo, arguably two of the most skilled pilots in the AUF, who knew what a stall was and could hold a bearing, got the parson's nose of the formation for the rest of the day. CT was on the left, even further out and one-post Andy was on the far right although some said a trike belonged to a five year old.

And so, the AUF equivalent of the Blue Angels started its routine for the day with flying straight and level.

On the third try ...........

 

Edited Wednesday at 05:57 PM by turboplanner

[Captain]

2 hours ago, turboplanner said:

And so, the AUF equivalent of the Blue Angels started its routine for the day with flying straight and level.

On the third try .....

..... they were actually able to hold "level" at + or - 300 ft, so a great effort by all concerned.

 

But that is when Andy from Coffs started to request a change of position and offered bull a monetary benefit to change sides.

 

As usual, bull took the cash, and he, with Andy agreed to both barrel roll into their new positions.

 

OEHOR was concerned, if not apoplectic, and wanted to .....

Edited Wednesday at 07:58 PM by Captain

[turboplanner]

.......massacre#1 them,but Andy just called OEHOR a "girl".

As all of us know by now, this was not the smartest thing to do.

OEHOR ..............

 

 

 

 

 

#1 Definition: to take two people out and dance with them.

[Captain]

1 hour ago, turboplanner said:

.......massacre#1 them,but Andy just called OEHOR a "girl".

As all of us know by now, this was not the smartest thing to do.

OEHOR ......

.... considered punitive action against Andy from Coffs, but then realized from Andy's terrible radio voice that Andy had spent many years overdoing the durrys, and it was actually Andy from Coughs.

 

OT is nothing (but we don't tell him that) but magnanimous, so he just called bull and Andy Coughs & Splutters on their personal frequency and said "Now chaps, don't be di.......

[turboplanner]

......ssing the great AUF; we are the greatest!

There was a snigger from OT and  a cough from Andy and bull realised he was going to have to take firm action so he ......

[Captain]

32 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

......ssing the great AUF; we are the greatest!

There was a snigger from OT and  a cough from Andy and bull realised he was going to have to take firm action so he ......

.... took his eyes off the leader and initiated a clockwise Stipplemann roll, which, with the spectacular roll rate and torque effect of the Jackoff, had him back in position before anyone knew he was gone.

 

When watched in slo-mo as recorded from the ground, during the formation's debrief, this caused ....