The Never Ending Story

[turboplanner]

floor.

Sometimes the bombs hit the floor which wasn't much fun.

The A7 engine had been chosen because it only had two crank bearings which made it very flexible.

It was Turbo's great grandfather Harry Turbine, who did the head and exhaust extractors and designed the engines mounts and fitted the Sceet and Sh!t.

The finished aircraft was designated B1 by Harry's Factory which he built in France because when the B1s were built it look longer to get them going and fix up all the Sceet breakages and stuff

The B1 was the world's first stealth bomber [this is still Classified information, so NES readers are asked to keep it quiet]. By the time it had climbed to altitude the A7 engine has either snapped the crank or seized, so the attack was done in silence and the German troops would be quaffing their rum, eating roast beef and telling funny stories when "THUD" there was an Australian bomb right beside them in the trench.

History has told the story of valiant pilots in WW2 nursing dead aircraft home across the English Channel, but no one's allowed to talk of the B1 boys who struggled to get their lifeless kites across the Somme.

Harry went on to build the B2, B3, B4, B4 MKII, and so on. It was the Wing of B9's on the morning of D Day that caused Hitler to say "SHEIZEN!, WE ARE XXXXXX!!!!!" and order his tanks to stay well back out of the range where the Germanns knew the engines would start seizing. NES readers will know that "authentic" accounts of D Day all mention Hitler unbelievably halting his Panzers behind the French coast, but this was the classified reason.

Harry Turbine built many more B bombers for the British and Americans including the B29 which had Cadillac-Turbine engines. The B29 could fly on two engines which was proven time and time again when 1 or 2 would always seize on the mission.

After the war the old B1s were brought home to England where people bought them, stripped the armour plate out and called them "Microlights". This was the beginning of .......

[onetrack]

......a thriving cottage industry producing wing and fuselage covering materials utilising secondhand ex-military parachutes, that were cut up and re-sewn into wing and fuselage cladding sections.

 

However, no-one foresaw the awkward development, whereby the parachute material, which had always been designed to plummet (there's that word again) earthwards at all times, started plummetting earthwards regularly again, straight after it was used to cover microlight wings and fuselages.

 

This rather startling result - that only occurred once the microlight had exceeded jump height - caused so much concern, a committee was formed to address the problem and find a cure.

 

To that end, an Official Investigator was appointed, and the person chosen just happened to be another Turbine family member with extensive aviation and jump experience (he was known to jump anything, a common Turbine family failing, but we won't digress at this point), a gent named "Chute" Turbine.

 

His real name had long been forgotten, because his nickname had been used so regularly, everyone thought it WAS his real name. He was nicknamed "Chute" because of his constant habit of indulging in that well-known wombat habit of, "eat...........

 

Edited 16 hours ago by onetrack

[Captain]

..... s roots and leaves, then after a while what is left will exit via the chute",

 

Chute Turbine was named that at school as he was a bit of an a.hole plus he always got things backwards .... or "Arse About Face" as his teachers used to say, hence his other nickname of "AAF" which he licenced to the Australian Air Force before Queen Vic also dropped a Royal on them.

 

Queen Victoria always showed considerable interest in the Turbine family, but blokes only, even after Albert came on the scene, and the Turbine boys responded magnificently by .....

Edited 4 hours ago by Captain

[turboplanner]

........telling her stories of the Great Australian Outback where the Turbines had massive land holdings with millions of sheep and cattle.

Vic, as she was known to the Turbine boys was enthralled by the exciting stories so she phoned up the SA Governor and said "Gov, I'm sending two of my sons out to Orstralia and I want you to organise a horse ride from Adelaide to Melbourne."

Six months later two miserable little pricks landed at Port Adelaide, were equipped in R. M. Williams gear, and joined the group of stockmen and wagon operators for the trip to Melbourne.

The names have been changed in this next part to protect the current families.

They rode quite long days from Station to Station where they spent most nights in the luxurious homes in the Colony.

 

One Station owner, John Conlon had his mansion recarpeted in bright red after the Princes left so he could stick it up the outlying Station owners who weren't on the Princes' route.

When the Princes rode into Melbourne they were tanned, expert horsemen and wanted to stay, but duty called or more precisely Vic, with her renowned temper sent a letter telling them to get their asses out of the pubs and get home.

She was so impressed when her sons returned that she said  the Governor could use her name for the local State...and they did.

Six months later the Queen invited all the Station hosts to Buckingham Palace to knight them all for the wonderful job they'd done.

As they proceeded towards the sword the Queen would ask their name, and when they said "Syd Smith" and kneeled, the Queen would tap them on the shoulder and say "Arise, Sir Sydney Smith"

When it was John Conlan's turn, she asked his name and the pompous mysogenist who would have preferred a King said "MR John Conlan!"

The Queen with her notoriously short fuse, tapped him on the shoulder and said "Arise MR John Conlan."

A similar thing happened ........

 

[Captain]

32 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

A similar thing happened .....

.... to Turbo when Gough recommended him, and John Kerr was about to give Tubb his Gong at Gov House.

 

Johnny asked Turbs "What's ya monika mate?" and Turdy replied "........

[turboplanner]

"I've never been near her!" (thinking he'd been summoned to give evidence on another embarrassing matter), "but it wouldn't surprise me if that reprobate descendant of Captain Cook hadn't been over there......"