The Never Ending Story

[Captain]

13 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

.....seated and he was now hololering for help, his ample voice amplified even more by the deep shaft.

Dusty O,Track quickly unconscionised the two occupants of the Patrol, but realising he was going to need three of them to pull  Marky up the now stinking shaft, he told Marky to wait and then dragged the Patrol occupants back under the Patrol so he coud pretend to rescue them when they came to..........

...... , but as wallopers do, when they came too from their unconsionisement, they went all aggresive & one of them tazed Dusty while the other inserted his truncheon up the still flinching O'Track (NTTIAWWTE).

 

In the meantime, several burly Turbo-like truckies had stopped to help, but every time they tied a rope around Mark and backed the truck up, the rope slipped off, as this thunderbox had also been used for quite some time as a ...... 

Edited Thursday at 08:15 PM by Captain

[turboplanner]

.....n unofficial dumping point for Cummins and Detroit oil changes. Marky was suffering many bruises as the big filters clanked together in the smelly wash. They stood well back from the smell and tried to come up with a solution.

 

Keen NESSERS may have noted that Turbo now has a part in Outback Truckers. He had to learn extra swear words and make sure something failed on every trip but it's big money when filming with coconut oil on your face to look like sweat.

[Captain]

36 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

Keen NESSERS may have noted that Turbo now has a part in Outback Truckers. He had to learn extra swear words and make sure something failed on every trip but it's big money when filming with coconut oil on your face to look like sweat.

Turbo's questionable use of coconut oil (NTTIAWWT) has been well documented in the NES, about 600 pages ago, and it has been agreed, based on legal action, that the international aviation (avref) population should not be subjected to that again. It is assumed that his activities in the Outback Trucking Industry just involves similar lewd behavior, except involving more swearing, and while wearing a blue singlet, stubbys and thongs.

Edited Thursday at 09:01 PM by Captain

[Captain]

36 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

....n unofficial dumping point for Cummins and Detroit oil changes. Marky was suffering many bruises as the big filters clanked together in the smelly wash. They stood well back from the smell and tried to come up with a solution.

..... And because it was the solution that had been bubbling away for years in the longdrop that was the problem, they simply .......

[onetrack]

........poured in a truckload of concrete to solidify the solution, thus enabling Mark to climb out unaided. However, then there was the lingering odour to deal with.

 

No, we're not talking about the lingering smell associated with Marks sudden departure from politics, saying he was so tired - and his sudden almost-immediate re-arrival, totally refreshed on the boardrooms of numerous public companies - but the lingering smell that one acquires from being smacked into a long drop hole with 25 years of accumulated excrement, amongst other smelly things.

 

"I've got a 20 litre drum of carbolic acid, we can give him a bath in that!", said Cappy, trying to be helpful.

"You won't get me within a bulls roar of a carbolic acid bath, thanks very much!, countered Mark.

 

"But it will kill all the bugs!", said Cappy, again trying to be helpful. "You just don't know what might have been lurking in that long drop! There could've been some...............

 

Edited Friday at 09:45 AM by onetrack

[Captain]

3 hours ago, onetrack said:

"But it will kill all the bugs!", said Cappy, again trying to be helpful. "You just don't know what might have been lurking in that long drop! There could've been some........

..... of the well-known and dangerous WA parasites."

 

"No" replied Mark "I was the only politician down there"

 

"But you pong real strong" said Cappy, holding his nose.

 

"I have a solution" said the driver of the Freightliner B-triple (which incorporates the famous Turdbro chassis modifications), who had assumed a leadership role due to the HP of the CAT under his hood "And I propose that .......

[turboplanner]

.....we take him home in one of my James & James Mk IV Lo-rider; I've got 70 Kimberley bulls in the rear trailer and they smell worse. Might kick him around a bit but Marky can handle himself.

 

"How do you know that",asked ...........................

[Captain]

41 minutes ago, turboplanner said:

.....we take him home in one of my James & James Mk IV Lo-rider; I've got 70 Kimberley bulls in the rear trailer and they smell worse. Might kick him around a bit but Marky can handle himself.

 

"How do you know that",asked ...........................

... Dusty O'Track in his usual Oyrish accent.

 

"Well, we know that, as Marky Mark has handled himself bravely and with aplomb in the bearpit of WA State Politics and he is beloved by his WA peoples of all nationalities, religions and colours (where they are nearly all that poxy red ochre colour because of the constant battle, barrage, and contact with all the sand)" replied the Truckie, who obviously knew bugger all about the oppressive conditions endured by the citizenry in WA.

 

Then Dusty chipped back in by saying "Maaate, begorra, the people of WA, under Labor, are akin to the oppressed population of Gaza under Hamas, except that in WA Labor have their tunnels & weapons stashes under the Casino, the Clock Tower, the Swan Brewery and the Perth General Hospital, where ......

[turboplanner]

3 hours ago, Captain said:

... Dusty O'Track in his usual Oyrish accent.

 

"Well, we know that, as Marky Mark has handled himself bravely and with aplomb in the bearpit of WA State Politics and he is beloved by his WA peoples of all nationalities, religions and colours (where they are nearly all that poxy red ochre colour because of the constant battle, barrage, and contact with all the sand)" replied the Truckie, who obviously knew bugger all about the oppressive conditions endured by the citizenry in WA.

 

Then Dusty chipped back in by saying "Maaate, begorra, the people of WA, under Labor, are akin to the oppressed population of Gaza under Hamas, except that in WA Labor have their tunnels & weapons stashes under the Casino, the Clock Tower, the Swan Brewery and the Perth General Hospital, where ......

....the toll is already the highest in the Western World because ...........

[Captain]

4 hours ago, turboplanner said:

....the toll is already the highest in the Western World because ...........

.... WA toll roads are amongst the .....

[onetrack]

........rarest of all the roads in the Universe - because there are no toll roads in W.A.! Cappy was stunned. "No toll roads? And here was I, collecting all my 50c and 20c coins, getting ready for the first W.A. toll booth I came across!"

 

"Well", said OT, "we West Aussies understand, that you East Coasters can't believe there's a place in Australia without toll roads - so, accordingly, we've set up a special toll booth for the arriving East Coasters, to make them feel right at home, as they reach the Land of the Golden West.

 

As soon as we see an out-of-state number plate, we redirect them through the special toll booth, and relieve them of $15, just to make them feel welcome, and right at home!

 

Of course, the funds collected are put to good use, they're used to........

 

 

[Captain]

..... restock the bar in the Perth head office of the WA Toll Roads Corporation, where all WA citizens are members and they can breeze in 24/7 for free grog & munchies, courtesy of the Wise Men from the East.

 

This gave all of the WA citizenry a sense of entitlement that, dare I say, is even evident in the NES (present company excepted, of course), and this even shows itself in the way that ....

Edited Saturday at 01:04 PM by Captain

[Captain]

The Single Route's last post reminds Cappy of the time he was driving between Mt Magnet and Wiluna and he saw a cardboard box by the road that said "Toll Boove 2 kms a head".

Then below those words was written "This is a WA Gumment inishative in coop with FETA).

When he pulled up at the booth, the native Toll Marshal offered him a special discount from the normal $75 to $25 (how lucky was Cappy) which he quickly paid before the official changed his mind. 

This was apparently a Toll road built by FETA (the Free Enterprise Tollroad Association) and they run a very tight ship, as their company car was a 1962 Holden with no bonnet or tail lights, & a wire clothes hangar (avref) for an aerial.

Edited Saturday at 01:52 PM by Captain

[turboplanner]

........they shake your hand, but never shout in a pub, or .......

[turboplanner]

When the road across the Nullabor was dirt, there were news reports of families blockaging the road and bring cars to a stop under threat of spears, collecting their own "entry" tax. Years later a couplle of old tuck salesmen told the story of how they were delivering two new Atkinson Prime Movers to Perth bobtail.

 

They were travelling flat out, line astern with the second one just ahead of the slipstream of dust when up ahead Morton steps out into the middle for the road with his spears ready for a big collect.

 

The trucks didn't slow down and didn't move and the second driver said he heard the rattle of a spear on the fuel tank.

[Captain]

1 hour ago, turboplanner said:

........they shake your hand, but never shout in a pub, or .......

.... they ask you to pay to refuel the 90% empty fuel tank when they offer to take you for a 10-minute single circuit in their Jackoff (avrefs galore).

 

This, and the above unblokey, crass example cited by Turbo, clearly indicates that the WA Citizenry have degenerated to simply be a bunch of c........ 

Edited 23 hours ago by Captain

[turboplanner]

....civil servant types with a high percentage "Diversity-centric"

You meet them in the Casino "Sorry Sir; I said no more bets", on the road "Show me your licence, driver", in the upmarket restaurants "XXXX off!!!", on the water "YOU XXXX!!!"; Turbo always felt exhausted after a business trip to Perth even at the departure lounge; "Your flight's at gate 720, half a kilometer THAT way and it's leaving in four minutes!"

It's always a pleasure t come back inot Tullamarine to be pampered, helped with your luggage and ......

[onetrack]

......advised by a dark-skinned gentleman with a thick black beard and turban, talking in a thick accent, "Welcome to the bankrupt State, Sir!

You will possibly find your electricity supply today is a bit haphazard, your internet connections will drop out frequently, the trains are only running intermittently, the airlines are suffering from a substantial number of flight cancellations due to major security threats, and the roads out of town are seriously potholed.

 

However, rest assured, the Premier is advising the Govt has your best interests at heart, and our teams of online assistants, based in local regions such as India, Pakistan, Malaysia, Indonesia, and even the Cook Islands, are all standing by, and willing to offer help - once they can verify your identify with a 100 point check, ensure you have introduced no diseases from other States, that were picked up during your travels, and that you have your credit card ready with..........

[Captain]

14 hours ago, onetrack said:

However, rest assured, the Premier is advising the Govt has your best interests at heart, and our teams of online assistants, based in local regions such as India, Pakistan, Malaysia, Indonesia, and even the Cook Islands, are all standing by, and willing to offer help - once they can verify your identify with a 100 point check, ensure you have introduced no diseases from other States, that were picked up during your travels, and that you have your credit card ready with.........

.... payment pre-approved in Vicmanistan Dinars, Sudanese Pounds, or with a written barter authorization (a WBA) for at least one 28" machete, however the office that checks such things is not open during Ramadan and will next open at 9 am on Good Friday.

 

The only comparison between WA and Vicmanistan is therefore, that ......

[onetrack]

.....various disconcerting diseases are rampant in Vicmanistan, but totally absent in W.A. - obviously thanks to the good border control work set in place by Marky McGowan.

 

West Australians are keenly observing, that Vicmanistan now harbours diseases and pests such as Queensland Fruit Fly, Avian Flu, Tomato brown rugose fruit virus, Political Foot-in-Mouth Disease, Support-your-local-machete-carrying-criminal-immigrant Disease, ASIC-card Disease (whereby those afflicted, feel the need to purchase an ASIC card, whether they need it or not), and..........

[Captain]

.... particularly when they are not ASIC.

 

By way of explanation, WA people often drop off the last letters of words because they are either indolent or lackadaisical or koalaful (which is the WA equivalent of slothful).

 

Therefore, they often just say that they are from W, and they all nod knowingly, whereas the Easterners say W ------ TF? ............ and ASIC, in West Australianeze means that you are asymptomatic to sickness.

 

But don't get me wrong, dear readers, particularly those of you from overseas (many of whom quote the NES as your prime reason to emigrate to our Great South Land), our colleagues from the W are sometimes lovely, worldly people, such as Rose Hancock, Dr. Twiggy Slight Amount of Bushyness, Marky Mark, & Prince Leonard, ........ and, of course, the W folk also like to have a good ......

Edited 3 hours ago by Captain

[turboplanner]

Victoria; the hidden gem; still sand eater and riverina rat free!

Don't get the CHOP! Buy Turbine Machettes! only six left!