UPS Pilots

[Ricke]

UPS PILOTS

 

Just in case you need a laugh:

 

Remember it takes a college degree to fly a plane, but

 

only a high school diploma to fix one. Reassurance for

 

those of us who fly routinely in our jobs.

 

After every flight, UPS pilots fill out a form, called a

 

"Gripe Sheet," which tells mechanics about problems

 

with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems,

 

document their repairs on the form, and then pilots

 

review the gripe sheets before the next flight.

 

Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor.

 

Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by UPS pilots

 

(marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by

 

Maintenance Engineers.

 

By the way, UPS is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an

 

accident.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.

 

S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

 

 

 

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.

 

S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

 

P: Something loose in cockpit

 

S: Something tightened in cockpit

 

 

 

P: Dead bugs on windshield.

 

S: Live bugs on back-order.

 

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent

 

S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

 

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.

 

S: Evidence removed.

 

 

 

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.

 

S: DME volume set to more believable level.

 

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.

 

S: That's what friction locks are for.

 

P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.

 

S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

 

P: Suspected crack in windshield.

 

S: Suspect you're right.

 

P: Number 3 engine missing.

 

S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

 

P: Aircraft handles funny.

 

S: Aircraft warned to: straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

 

P: Target radar hums.

 

S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

 

P: Mouse in cockpit.

 

S: Cat installed.

 

And the best one for last..................

 

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget

 

pounding on something with a hammer.

 

S: Took hammer away from midget.

 

 

 

 

 

[vk3auu]

" By the way, UPS is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an

 

accident."

 

Not so.

 

http://www.airdisaster.com/photos/ups774/photo.shtml

 

David

 

 

[planedriver]

That one was caused by the midget banging his hammer on the insrument panel on finals, but since they took it away from him, everythings been O.K.

 

 

[vk3auu]

I thought it might have been

 

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.

 

S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

 

 

 

David

 

 

 

[Guest palexxxx]

Not so.

http://www.airdisaster.com/photos/ups774/photo.shtml

 

David

Got to love the caption under the photo. The journalist is trying to blame the pilot for wrong choice of runway, when he actually landed almost directly into a headwind of almost non-existant strength.

 

 

[Guest airsick]

Got to love the caption under the photo. The journalist is trying to blame the pilot for wrong choice of runway, when he actually landed almost directly into a headwind of almost non-existant strength.

Runway 35L, wind 180 at 10 knots. Wouldn't that suggest a landing on 17 would be better?

 

 

[spacesage]

Runway 35L, wind 180 at 10 knots. Wouldn't that suggest a landing on 17 would be better?

Absolutely, however from my experience with ATC, they will not move the active runways unless there tolerances for x-winds, headwinds, tailwinds, noise, operating hours etc are exceeded. These large airports are really busy, moving actives annoys everyone.

 

Any RPT pilots care to comment?

 

 

[Guest airsick]

Absolutely, however from my experience with ATC, they will not move the active runways unless there tolerances for x-winds, headwinds, tailwinds, noise, operating hours etc are exceeded. These large airports are really busy, moving actives annoys everyone.

Agreed. My point was that he didn't land into a headwind, he had a tail wind.

 

Within tolerances? Smart? Best course of action? I don't know...

 

 

[Guest palexxxx]

Agreed. My point was that he didn't land into a headwind, he had a tail wind. Within tolerances? Smart? Best course of action? I don't know...

Whoops, I wasn't thinking to well at the time I posted my earlier post. I'll blame the early start I had at work for that. :big_grin: