Fun Time: Things you have wanted to say on the radio...but never will!!

[Guest weekendwarrior]

Apparently happened in Canada, late one night during bad weather, as heard over the tower radio:

 

Helicopter pilot: Roger, I'm holding at 3,000 feet over the beacon.

 

Another voice, somewhat panicked: No, you can't be doing that...I'm holding at 3,000 feet over that beacon.

 

Helicopter pilot: (after a short pause) You idiot, you're my copilot

 

 

[motzartmerv]

haha...priceless..

 

 

[Tomo]

Ha ha.... What would you call that? ... Lack of communication in the office:big_grin:

 

 

[facthunter]

Really?

 

Think I would take it with a grain of salt. Why would neither pilot use their callsign? You don't make a transmission without it. (sorry to spoil the fun)... Nev..

 

 

[motzartmerv]

True, but, your assuming we always remember which acft we are in.... some times when a student isn't crash hot on the radio i say the full radio call for them without transmitting, so they can remember it and give the call..lol, the other day i did this and the student broadcast, "acft calling gazelle 3298 say again, i didnt catch all that"...lol.. jeez i laughed..it was me ya nong..:thumb_up:

 

 

[Guest Macnoz]

Coming up the lane to Archerfield yesterday after reporting at Park ridge water tower with intertion to fly over ATC asked me to confirm I had "echo"

 

got me thinking;

 

Do you have information Charlie?

 

My name is John not Charlie but I have heaps of information -- what were you after!

 

 

 

Do you have Echo?

 

Negative, recieving you loud and clear!

 

 

 

Do you have Hotel?

 

Negative, We are staying with friends!

 

 

 

Do you have Juliet?

 

Negative, and please don't say anything to my wife!

 

 

 

Do you have Mike?

 

Negative, I have a push-to-talk button and a headset!

 

 

 

Do you have Oscar?

 

Negative, but I'm expecting a nomination this year!

 

 

 

Do you have Papa?

 

Negative, but I wrote him a letter last week!

 

 

 

Do you have Romeo?

 

Negative, Negative! Wherefore art thou Romeo?

 

 

 

Do you have Uniform?

 

Negative, just jeans and sweatshirt!

 

 

 

Do you have Victor?

 

Negative, but there is another very unattractive men here?

 

 

 

Do you have Xray?

 

Negative, my doctor wants a CAT Scan!

 

 

 

Do you have Whiskey?

 

Negative, not in last 8 hours, am I not keeeping bearing and altitude?

 

 

[Guest drizzt1978]

The reason I started this thread was: The other day during lesson 6 or 7 a pilot made a standard call about landing..then the same one again..then the same one again...not the order your meant to, with out me going into detail. (well not the sequence my teacher does them in) Not to mention the backround noise was terible, radio noise was horrible..and well he sounded almost like an old drunk at the bar. As he came in to land behind us, i said to my instructor "Hope he can land better than he can use a radio" To which my instructor quickly replied "He can...or he would be dead by now!!"

 

 

[PaulN]

This is more a "Things you say and wish you hadn't" type of call.

 

Usually when I fly, my wife is riding shotgun. Recently on a solo flight, when entering Willy the controller asked the usual "What is your POB?". Without thinking I responded "POB is 2."

 

D'oh!! No, I didn't call back a correction . Now when asked I pause to take a head count before answering :big_grin:.

 

Paul

 

 

[pylon500]

OK, This one's probably been here somewhere before but really good to listen to, problems taxying around JFK airport.

 

This place is huge and has taxiways everywhere.

 

Have a listen here;

 

YouTube - JFK ATC Bad Day at the office - Funny

 

Arthur.

 

 

[Guest Dave Butler]

This story was told to me by an ATC in South Africa some 20 years ago.

 

An aircfaft had contacted ATC to give a position report after which 1 of the ATC's commented to the other that he had flown the aircraft and that it was a red and white C172. The othe ATC, also a pilot, argued that he remembered it as a Cherokee six. After some debate they called the A/C.

 

ATC: ABC could you please confirm you are a Red & White C172.

 

A/C: Jeez have you guys got colour radar!!

 

 

[Guest cabdude]

Heard the other day at Bankstown.

 

Unknown aircraft, obviously troubleshooting intercom problem, selected transmit by mistake "Nah, that's no good, I can't hear anything now."

 

Controller "But we all can..."

 

 

[Guest JONC]

We had a pilot about five years ago who called melbourne "this is alph november zulu I am just doing an exporatory pass over the strip in order to find my airspeed indicator."

 

I funny bit is he was!

 

 

[Adrian Lewer]

What i would like to say somtimes is.

 

can you please fix your ****ing radio your transmision is ****house

 

AND

 

can the student pilot from india please read his intentions again in english

 

More of a rant than anything else....

 

 

[Guest Decca]

The Traffic Controller I knew had a great sense of humour. He was a friend & neighbour. I think the sense of humour was a requirement in his job, because he had been at it most of his life in a pressure situation at YMML.

 

I recognised his voice on Melbourne Tower during a busy sequence of arrivals and departures when simultaneous runway ops was in use, and after the chatter died down I transmitted “great sequencing Philâ€. To the amusement of all listening, quick as a flash he came back with “thanks, but it's a pity they'll only let me do this now once you're on the groundâ€.

 

Decca.

 

 

[Ben Longden]

With the 'visit Germany" one, I swear this is true.

 

As a lad, our neighbours were Germans and Leo asked Dad if he had ever visited Germany.. true to form, dad said the obvious... Only at night...

 

To his credit, Leo burst out laughing, grabbed dad on the shoulder and gave him a drink. They were mates for years.

 

Ben

 

 

[wags]

DC-10

 

A DC-10 had come in a little hot and thus had an exceedingly long roll out after touching down.

 

San Jose Tower Noted: "American 751, make a hard right turn at the end of the runway, if you are able. If you are not able, take the Guadeloupe exit off Highway 101, make a right at the lights and return to the airport"

 

 

[Guest Baphomet]

Revenge is a dish best served cold so they say

 

I did most of my PPL training in Townsville, which as many will know can be very busy particularly on a Sat morning when every student from miles around wants to fly. It is also a training airfield for air traffic controllers many of whose first reaction to stress, is arrogance. After a morning of LH ccts (both LH & RH ccts are active at times) in a very busy session, I advised control this would be my last, and the lovely (I presume) young lady responded with 'PXB continue downwind, report turning base' I duly made the call and found myself head-to-head with another aircraft flying right base for the same runway. At that moment control says 'PXB clear to land runway 01' So I respond as casually as I can, 'would I be no 1 or 2 to the Cherokee on right base 01?' Well, you could have heard a pin drop in the radio silence that followed. Shortly after a male voice says 'PXB are you able to perform a LH orbit? I respond ' affermative' and then followed 'XXX continue approach, clear to land, PXB perform LH orbit, clear to land no 2 to XXX'

 

Training $120 ph

 

Putting that B***h back in her box for a moment - priceless

 

 

[Ultralights]

this happened over prospect reservoir a few weeks ago,

 

we were approaching the inbound point at prospect about 2 miles behind a cherokee, on calling inbound the cherokee alerted Bankstown ATC to a cessna orbiting over the inbound point.

 

tower... Cessna at prospect, copy?

 

silence

 

tower.. cessna orbiting at prospect respond?..

 

silence

 

by now we were at prospect..

 

"bankstown tower, Jabiru 940 Prospect 2000 ft, inbound with delta.

 

tower.. 0940 runway 11 report at 3 miles, and can you update us on the cessna.

 

me. cessna still orbiting at 1500 over prospect.

 

tower, can you identify the aircraft.

 

me cassna is below at approx 1500 rego is ABC.

 

tower.. Cessna ABC, bankstown tower.

 

ABC. Cessna ABC

 

tower.. ABC, what are your intentions?

 

ABC.. Im reading the ERSA.

 

tower.. ABC Runway 11 report at 3 miles.

 

again 3 mins silence.

 

tower.. ABC where are you.

 

ABC.. Im at prospect reading the ERSA.

 

tower. ABC, Did you understand my Instruction?

 

ABC Im reading the ERSA.

 

tower.. Do you knwo where the airport is??

 

ABC... yes.

 

Tower.. THEN GO TO IT!!!

 

the cessna landed a few mins behind us, without making 1 more radio call dispite the tower trying to make contact.. didnt even respond to a cleared to land transmission..

 

 

[Tomo]

I smile to myself when I think of what the helicopter pilot thought of me the other day...

 

He was after me coming in to land, and I was doing a touch an go, so once landing, I got on full power and away we went... I then made a call saying where and what I was doing, but it didn't come out real right...!

 

I was something to this affect:

 

Dalby Traffic

 

Drifter xxx

 

doing a left hand off 13

 

Dalby

 

Doing a left hand what... my instructor says... Dohh... I don't think I will do that again...