YOU MIGHT BE A REDNECK PILOT IF...

[Guest ozzie]

You might be a redneck pilot if:

 

...your stall warning horn plays "Dixie."

 

...your cross-country flight plan uses flea markets as check points.

 

...you think sectionals charts should show trailer parks.

 

...you've ever used moonshine as avgas.

 

...you have mud flaps on your wheel pants.

 

...you think GPS stands for going perfectly straight.

 

...your toothpick keeps poking your mike.

 

...you constantly confuse Beechcraft with Beechnut.

 

...you have a black airplane with a big #3 on the side.

 

...you've ever just taxied around the airport drinking beer.

 

...you use a Purina feed bag for a windsock.

 

...you've ever fueled your airplane from a mason jar.

 

...you've got a gun rack on the passenger window.

 

...you have more than one roll of duct tape holding your cowling together.

 

...your preflight includes removing all of the clover, grass, and wheat from your landing gear.

 

...you figure the weight of the mud and manure on your airplane into the CG calculations.

 

...you siphon gas from your tractor to put in your airplane.

 

...you've never landed at an actual airport though you've been flying for years.

 

...you've ground looped after hitting a cow.

 

...there are parts of your airplane labeled John Deere.

 

...there's exhaust residue on the right side of your aircraft and tobacco stains on the left.

 

...you have to buzz the strip to chase off the sheep and goats.

 

...your primary Comm radio has 90 channels.

 

...you put hay in the baggage compartment so your dogs don't get cold.

 

...you've got matching bumper stickers on the vertical fin.

 

...there's grass stains on your propeller tips.

 

...the FAA still thinks you live at your parent's house.

 

...you navigate with your ADF tuned to exclusively country stations.

 

...you think that an ultralight is a new sissy beer from Budweiser.

 

...you wouldn't be caught dead flyin' a Grumman "Yankee."

 

...there's a sign on the side of your aircraft advertising your septic tank service.

 

...you subscribe to The Southern Aviator because of the soft paper!

 

...you have ever incorporated sheetrock into the repair of your aircraft.

 

...you have ever tried to impress your girlfriend by buzzing her doublewide.

 

...the preprinted portion of your weight and balance sheet contains "Case of Bud."

 

...your go/no-go checklist includes the words "Skoal" or "Redman."

 

 

[slartibartfast]

Wow.

 

That list could have come straight from Jeff Foxworthy.

 

I was chuckling for many of those.

 

I've lived in middle Georgia where you can get both types of music on the radio.

 

Country AND Western.

 

Thanks for that.

 

 

[Bigglesworth]

As a self confessed Redneck pilot, lets see...

 

No stall warning, but I did want to fit a dixie air horn anyway,

 

Who would taxi around drinking when you could take off? (no, I haven't)

 

Who bothers with CG? The mud will be right, its evenly spread

 

Meant to put a gun rack in, a bit ilegal, but....I just don't want forced landing at a major airport with a .222 in the back.

 

Bumper stickers are still to be fitted, so far I'm planning a few RM horns and Ned Kelly silouettes on the tail fin.

 

If an ADF could pick up coutry stations, I'd get one. As it is pre-flight includes make sure stack of country CDs are within reach.

 

I have chased sheep and cows off the strip, but this is a major strip (Frog's Hollow)

 

How about including: You have tried fitting a bull-bar, aerials, lights, exhaust system, etc.

 

I thought about gettign a drifter/bantam type and really BnSing it up. Barb wire stickers wrapped around the prop (wait, I'll do that to the Cheetah) bull bar, with 100w spotties, and imagine flying it at night with lights INSIDE the fabric wings/body....really cool.

 

And open cabin...to throw the empties overboard, see whos place you can hit:loopy:....

 

And to think you're sharing the sky with me......

 

 

[Tomo]

Hey Bigglesworth what about putting a towbar on as well.....

 

 

[Guest ozzie]

maybe a couple of dead pigs strapped down over the top cowl

 

 

[Bigglesworth]

Wild pigs aren't much good eating, a haunch of venison or kangaroo should be bled and gets hung underneath.

 

Tow bar? I dunno, with utes its so we can help all those rich blokes in their useless Porsches who get bogged.

 

Somehow I can't see a drifter pulling a Cirrus out of a ditch........