Life's like that.

[planedriver]

One day, a man came home and was greeted by his wife dressed in a very sexy

 

nightie. 'Tie me up,' she purred, 'and you can do anything you want.' So

 

he tied her up and then went off flying.

 

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A woman came home, screeching her car into the driveway, and ran into the

 

house. She slammed the door and shouted at the top of her lungs, 'Honey,

 

pack your bags. I won the lottery!' The husband said, 'Oh my God! What

 

should I pack, beach stuff or mountain stuff?' 'Doesn't matter,' she said.

 

'Just get out.'

 

 

 

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Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right, and the

 

other is a husband.

 

 

 

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A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver's license. First,

 

of course, he had to take an eye sight test. The optician showed him a card

 

with the letters ... 'C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.' 'Can you read this?' the

 

optician asked. 'Read it?' the Polish guy replied, 'I know the guy.'

 

 

 

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Mother Superior called all the nuns together and said to them, 'I must tell

 

you all something. We have a case of gonorrhoea in the convent.'

 

'Thank heavens,' said an elderly nun at the back. "I'm so tired of the Bishops home-made Chardonnay".

 

 

 

 

 

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A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband. Suddenly, her

 

husband burst into the kitchen. 'Careful,' he said, 'CAREFUL! Put in some

 

more butter! Oh my gosh! You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn

 

them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my gosh! WHERE are we going

 

to get MORE BUTTER? They're going to STICK! Careful. CAREFUL! I said be

 

CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them!

 

Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind? Don't forget to salt

 

them You know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt! USE THE SALT!

 

THE SALT!' The wife stared at him. 'What in the world is wrong with you?

 

You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?'

 

The husband calmly replied, 'I just wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving.'