Child support claim forms

[Ted Snook]

The following are all replies that British women have put on

 

Child Support Agency forms in the section for listing father's details:

 

These are genuine excerpts from the forms.

 

 

 

Be sure to check number 11, It takes the prize.

 

 

 

1. Regarding the identity of the father of my twins, child A was

 

fathered by Tyrone Munson. I am unsure as to the identity of the father

 

of child B, but I believe that he was conceived on the same night.

 

 

 

2. I am unsure as to the identity of the father of my child as I

 

was being sick out of a window when taken unexpectedly from behind. I

 

can provide you with a list of names of men that I think were at the

 

party if this helps.

 

 

 

3. I do not know the name of the father of my little girl. She

 

was conceived at a party at 36 Nottingham Avenue where I had unprotected

 

s..x with a man I met that night. I do remember that the s..x was so good

 

that I fainted. If you do manage to track down the father, can you send

 

me his phone number? Thanks.

 

 

4. I don't know the identity of the father of my daughter. He

 

drives a BMW that now has a hole made by my stiletto in one of the door

 

panels. Perhaps you can contact BMW service stations in this area, and

 

see if he's had it replaced.

 

 

5. I have never had s..x with a man. I am awaiting a letter from

 

the Pope confirming that my son's conception was immaculate and that he

 

is Christ risen again.

 

 

6. I cannot tell you the name of child A's dad as he informs me

 

that to do so would blow his cover and that would have cataclysmic

 

implications for the British economy. I am torn between doing right by

 

you and right by the country. Please advise.

 

 

7. I do not know who the father of my child was as all squaddies

 

look the same to me. I can confirm that he was a Royal Green Jacket.

 

 

8. Leroy Smith is the father of child A. If you do catch up with

 

him, can you ask him what he did with my AC/DC CDs?

 

 

9. From the dates it seems that my daughter was conceived at

 

Euro Disney; maybe it really is the Magic Kingdom ..

 

 

10. So much about that night is a blur. The only thing that I

 

remember for sure is Delia Smith did a program about eggs earlier in the

 

evening. If I'd have stayed in and watched more TV rather than going to

 

the party at 146 Miller Drive , mine might have remained unfertilised.

 

 

11. I am unsure as to the identity of the father of my baby,

 

after all when you eat a can of beans you can't be sure which one made

 

you fart.

 

 

 

Happy landings...............Ted