Maternity & motherhood

[Chucky]

FIRST BABY: You begin wearing maternity clothes as soon as your OB/GYN confirms your pregnancy.

 

SECOND BABY: You wear your regular clothes for as long as possible.

 

THIRD BABY: Your maternity clothes ARE your regular clothes.

 

PREPARING FOR THE BIRTH

 

FIRST BABY: You practice your breathing religiously.

 

SECOND BABY: You don't bother because you remember that last time, breathing didn't do a thing.

 

THIRD BABY: You ask for an epidural in your eighth month

 

THE BABY CLOTHES

 

FIRST BABY: You pre-wash newborn's clothes, colour co-ordinate them, and fold them neatly in the baby's little bureau.

 

SECOND BABY: You check to make sure that the clothes are clean and discard only the ones with the darkest stains.

 

THIRD BABY: Boys can wear pink, can't they?

 

WORRIES

 

FIRST BABY: At the first sign of distress -a whimper, a frown - you pick up the baby.

 

SECOND BABY: You pick the baby up when her wails threaten to wake your firstborn.

 

THIRD BABY: You teach your three-year-old how to rewind the mechanical swing

 

DUMMIES

 

FIRST BABY: If the dummy falls on the floor, you put it away until you can go home and wash and sterilise it.

 

SECOND BABY: When the dummy falls on the floor, you squirt it off with some juice from the baby's bottle.

 

THIRD BABY: You wipe it off on your shirt and pop it back in.

 

NAPPY CHANGING

 

FIRST BABY: You change your baby's nappies every hour, whether they need it or not.

 

SECOND BABY: You change their nappy every two to three hours, if needed.

 

THIRD BABY: You try to change their nappy before others start to complain about the smell or you see it sagging to their knees.

 

ACTIVITIES

 

FIRST BABY: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics, Baby Swing, and Baby Story Hour.

 

SECOND BABY: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics.

 

THIRD BABY: You take your infant to the supermarket and the dry cleaner.

 

GOING OUT

 

FIRST BABY: The first time you leave your baby with a sitter, you call home five times.

 

SECOND BABY: Just before you walk out the door, you remember to leave a number where you can be reached.

 

THIRD BABY: You leave instructions for the sitter to call only if she sees blood.

 

AT HOME

 

FIRST BABY: You spend a good bit of every day just gazing at the baby.

 

SECOND BABY: You spend a bit of everyday watching to be sure your older child isn't squeezing, poking, or hitting the baby.

 

THIRD BABY: You spend a little bit of every day hiding from the children.

 

SWALLOWING COINS

 

FIRST CHILD: When first child swallows a coin, you rush the child to the hospital and demand x-rays.

 

SECOND CHILD: When second child swallows a coin, you carefully watch for the coin to pass.

 

THIRD CHILD: When third child swallows a coin you deduct it from his allowance!