Paddy the drunk

[Guest ozzie]

It's after midnight in Dublin and Father O'Rouke is walking back to his home after giving midnight mass and as he passes the Rose and Thorn pub he hears some loud drunken laughter coming from inside. Knowing that all inside should have gone home long ago he grasps the door handle throws the door open and steps inside. Every one looks towards the door and goes quiet when they realise it is the Father. The Father steps up towards the bar turns and looks at the drunken crowd and starts to give everyone a dressing down. "Look at you all, it's well and truley past closing time and you should all be home with your family and wives, ashamed you should all be". He turns and gives the barkeep a filthy look then turns back to the group of revellers who are trying to avoid the hard gaze of the Father. "You, you Seanus you have a young child at home and you are drinking the devils brew at this hour you should be at home. Don't you want to go to heaven?" Seanus sheepishly nods his head and mumbles "yesht fathar". "Well then you come and stand by me right now, and you Peter you are getting married soon it's time you stopped these late night shienanigans, don't you want to go to heaven son?" Peter replies with a drunken affirmative and the father calls him over. He turns to Paddy who's a screaming mess, has two pints of ale in his hands and is leaning on the wall barely able to stand . The father starts to rip into him and Paddy starts squirming and spills one of his beers. "Now Paddy i've known you since you where a wee nipper and i expected more from you, shame on you. Don't you want to go to heaven?" . Paady looks at the Father and says "No Father"

 

The Father sternly gazes at him and repeats "Don't you want to go to heaven?" Paddy looks the Father firmly in the eye and says "NO". The Father is really going off. "You mean to tell me Paady O'shea that you don't want to go to heaven when you die son?"

 

"Ohh Father surly i do when i die, but i just thought you were all going to go straight away '