Scotch with two drops of water

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A lady goes to the bar on a cruise ship and orders a Scotch with two

 

drops of water. As the bartender gives her the drink she says,

 

'I'm on this cruise to celebrate my 80th birthday and it's today...'

 

The bartender says, 'Well, since it's your birthday, I'll buy you a drink.

 

In fact, this one is on me.'

 

As the woman finishes her drink, the woman to her right says, 'I would

 

like to buy you a drink, too.'

 

The old woman says, 'Thank you. Bartender, I want a Scotch with two

 

drops of water.'

 

'Coming up,' says the bartender

 

As she finishes that drink, the man to her left says, 'I would like to

 

buy you one, too.'

 

The old woman says, 'Thank you. Bartender, I want another Scotch with

 

two drops of water.'

 

'Coming right up,' the bartender says.

 

As he gives her the drink, he says, 'Ma'am, I'm dying of curiosity. Why

 

the Scotch with only two drops of water?'

 

The old woman replies, 'Sonny, when you're my age, you've learned how

 

to hold your liquor. Holding your water, however, is a whole other issue.'

 

'OLD' IS WHEN...

 

Your sweetie says, 'Let's go upstairs

 

and make love,' and you answer,

 

'Pick one; I can't do both!'

 

'OLD' IS WHEN...

 

Your friends compliment you

 

on your new alligator shoes

 

and you're barefoot.

 

'OLD' IS WHEN...

 

A sexy babe or hunk catches your fancy

 

and your pacemaker opens the garage door.

 

'OLD' IS WHEN...

 

Going braless

 

pulls all the wrinkles out of your face.

 

'OLD' IS WHEN...

 

You are cautioned to slow down by the doctor instead of by the police

 

'OLD' IS WHEN...

 

'Getting a little action'

 

means you don't need to take any fiber today.

 

'OLD' IS WHEN...

 

'Getting lucky' means you find your car

 

in the parking lot.

 

'OLD'IS WHEN...

 

An 'all nighter' means not getting up

 

to use the bathroom.

 

AND

 

'OLD' IS WHEN....

 

You are not sure these are jokes?