Inflight Shock

[planedriver]

Shortly after a British Airways flight had reached its cruising altitude, the captain announced:

 

'Ladies and Gentlemen, this is your Captain.

 

Welcome to Flight 293, non-stop from London Heathrow to Toronto. The weather ahead is good, so we should have a smooth, uneventful flight. So sit back,relax and..... OH, MY GOD !'

 

Silence followed!

 

Some moments later the captain came back on the intercom.

 

'Ladies and gentlemen, I'm sorry if I scared you. While I was talking to you, a flight attendant accidentally spilled a cup of hot coffee in my lap. You should see the front of my pants!'

 

One Irish passenger yelled,'be jezus you should see the back of mine!'

 

 

[bones]

A ringer from a huge cattle station in outback Australia appeared before Saint Peter at the Pearly Gates.

 

 

 



 

 

 

Have you ever done anything of particular merit?" St Peter asked.

 

 

 



 

 

 

Well, I can think of one thing," the ringer offered. "Once, on a trip to the backblocks of Broken Hill out in New South Wales, I came across a gang of bikies, who were threatening a young sheila. I told them to leave her alone, but they wouldn't listen. So, I approached the largest and most heavily tattooed bikie and smacked him in his face, kicked his bike over, ripped out his nose ring, and threw it on the ground.

 

 

 

I yelled, "Now, back off!! Or I'll kick the sh*t out of the lot of ya's!"

 

 

 

St Peter was impressed, "When did this happen?"

 

 

 

Just a couple minutes ago..."