T'was the day after Christmas

[Guest thrasher]

T’was the day after Christmas, and all through the house,

 

Every creature was hurting-- even the mouse.

 

The toys were all broken, their batteries dead;

 

Santa passed out, with some ice on his head.

 

Wrapping and ribbons just covered the floor, while

 

Upstairs the family continued to snore.

 

And I in my T-shirt, new Reeboks and jeans,

 

Went into the kitchen and started to clean.

 

When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,

 

I sprang from the sink to see what was the matter.

 

Away to the window I flew like a flash,

 

Tore open the curtains, and threw up the sash.

 

When what to my wondering eyes should appear,

 

But a little white truck, with an oversized mirror.

 

The driver was smiling, so lively and grand;

 

The patch on his jacket said "U.S. POSTMAN."

 

With a handful of bills, he grinned like a fox

 

Then quickly he stuffed them into our box.

 

Bill after bill, after bill, they still came.

 

Whistling and shouting he called them by name:

 

"Now Dillard's, now Broadway's, now Penny's and Sears

 

Here's Levitz's and Target's and Mervyn's -- all here!!

 

To the tip or your limit, every store, every mall,

 

Now chargeaway-chargeaway-chargeaway all!"

 

He whooped and he whistled as he finished his work.

 

He filled up the box, and then turned with a jerk.

 

He sprang to his truck and he drove down the road,

 

Driving much faster with just half a load.

 

Then I heard him exclaim with great holiday cheer,

 

"ENJOY WHAT YOU GOT ... YOU'LL BE PAYING ALL YEAR!"