planedriver

The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided to use a surrogate

 

father to start their family. On the day the surrogate father was to

 

arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife and said, "I'm off. The man should be

 

here soon" Half an hour later, just by chance a door-to-door baby

 

photographer rang the doorbell, hoping to make a sale.

 

"Good morning, madam. I've come to...."

 

"Oh, no need to explain. I've been expecting you," Mrs. Smith cut in.

 

"Really?" the photographer asked. "Well, good. I've made a speciality of

 

babies"

 

"That's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat"

 

After a moment, she asked, blushing, "Well, where do we start?"

 

"Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the

 

couch and perhaps a couple on the bed. Sometimes the living room floor is

 

fun too; you can really spread out!"

 

"Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work for Harry and me"

 

"Well, madam, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But, if we

 

try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven different

 

angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results"

 

"My, that's a lot of....." gasped Mrs. Smith.

 

"Madam, in my line of work, a man must take his time. I'd love to be in

 

and out in five minutes, but you'd be disappointed with that, I'm sure"

 

"Don't I know it," Mrs. Smith said quietly.

 

The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his

 

baby pictures.

 

"This was done on the top of an open top tourist bus in Sydney"

 

"Oh my God!" Mrs. Smith exclaimed, tugging at her handkerchief.

 

"And these twins turned out exceptionally well, when you consider their

 

mother was so difficult to work with"

 

"She was difficult?" asked Mrs. Smith.

 

"Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to Centenial Park to get the job

 

done right. People were crowding around four and five deep, pushing to get

 

a good look"

 

"Four and five deep?" asked Mrs. Smith, eyes widened in amazement.

 

"Yes," the photographer said, "And for more than three hours too. The

 

mother was constantly squealing and yelling. I could hardly concentrate.

 

Then darkness approached and I began to rush my shots. Finally, when the

 

mosquitoes began nibbling on my equipment, I just packed it all in."

 

Mrs. Smith leaned forward. "You mean mosquitos actually chewed on your,

 

um......equipment?"

 

"That's right. Well, madam, if you're ready, I'll set up my tripod so we

 

can get to work."

 

"Tripod?????"

 

"Oh yes, I have to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much too big for

 

me to hold for very long. Madam? Madam? ....... Good Lord, she's

 

fainted!!"

 

 

And if you own a cat----------------same story.

 

 

Good morning ladies and gentlemen. This is your very own Captain Assif welcoming both seated and standing passengers on board.

 

We apologize for the two-day delay in taking off, which was caused by the current severe cyclonic conditions, and partly due to the search for a missing tyre and delay in getting stock-feed from the catering section for the annimals on board.Tissues in the seat pocket can be used to wipe any rain leaking through the windows, and you can use these with our complimentrys.

 

This is flight 717 to Mumbai. Landing there is not guaranteed, but we will end up somewhere in India. And, if luck is in our favour, we may even be landing on your very own village!

 

The company has an excellent safety-record. In fact, our safety standards are so high, that even terrorists are afraid to fly with us! It is with much pleasure,I announce that, starting this year, over 30% of our passengers have reached their destination.

 

If our engines are too noisy for you, on passenger request, we can arrange to turn them off. To make your free fall to earth pleasant and memorable, we serve Complimentary DHARU and Wada pavw. For our not-so-religious passengers, we are the only airline who can help you find out if there really is a God!

 

We regret to inform you, that today's in-flight movie will not be shown as we forgot to record it from the television. However, for our movie buffs, we will be flying right next to British Airways, where their movie will be visible from the right side of the cabin windows.

 

There is no smoking allowed in this airplane. Any smoke you see in the cabin is only the early warning system on the engines telling us to slow down, and the oil leaks are making a natural progression!

 

In order to catch important landmarks, we try to fly as close as possible.

 

For the best view, if however, we go a little too close, do let us know. Our

 

enthusiastic co-pilot sometimes flies right through the landmark!

 

Kindly be seated, keep your seat in an upright position for take-off and fasten your seat-belt. For those of you who can't find a seat-belt, kindly fasten your own belt to the arm of your seat. And, for those of you who can't find a seat, do not hesitate to get in touch with a stewardess who will explain how to fasten yourself to the excess baggage, pet goats, or familly bullock located in the aisles.

 

Please now be holding your Bible, Copy of Koran, or, lucky 50 Rupees Grand Lottery ticket in your right hand, as we prepare for take-off

 

 

Airport Security in Action https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qvOQDfdDvkI

 

 

To quote my grandma:- "The only good thing about the 'Good Ole Daze' is that they're gone."[/QUOTE]

So it seems is the gratification of working hard and saving up for something you really want for your home.

 

If I had my time all over again, i'd still prefer to do it the old way, and have many happy times, aquiring things as and when I could afford them, instead of having it all in one hit on the never,never, followed by countless financial arguments because you've committed yourself up to the eyeballs.

 

This is the primary cause of so many marriage break-ups.

 

There's an old saying which goes something like this "when poverty comes through the door, love goes out the windows"

 

Unfortunately, many of you younger ones out there, would disagree, but when reallity hits, you find that you only own a small fraction of what you kid yourself you owned:puzzled:.

 

I can afford to thow in my 2 cents worth, because I saved for it and did'nt get a loan.

 

Kind Regards

 

Planey (The Old Phart):gerg:

with his revolving number plates to fool the safety cams.

 

(Further to post 4460)

 

The Captain can tell his Aunt, that Planey's learnt a lot since the days he was watering a plant on the window sill, which he was told by his son was a Japanese Maple, which we could plant by the water feature in the Japanese garden we once had.

He could always try Bong---Go-Drums

 

 

.... and a cute little hat on his head....

Not that there's anything wrong with it, sniggered Tubs. If you think the groupies like it, then go for it, just don't let the chicks see you practising to be real drummer, with that old cake tin and a couple of chopsticks. It ruins the image:drums:

 

 

....paint tins" said Bryon who had just come in from the Broken Hill desert area where he had been copying the Pro Hart technique of unconventional painting by throwing Jabs at the ground.

Bryon was an old surfing champion who had given up the wild life of Dandenong to become a hippy and had interwoven himself into the history of northern NSW where Bryon Bay had been named after him.

Living at Yea-Man Ranch enjoying the much slower pace of life farming his own crops, like most of the rest of the commune-ity:chill out:

 

Most evenings were spent sitting around the campfire :velvt: singing "Puff the Magic Dragon", down near the Billy Bong:loopy:

 

 

Hope she realises Rob, that Rach is thoroughly spoilt, but no do doubt deseves to be :heart::heart::heart:

 

I'm envious :Disappointed::Disappointed::Disappointed:

 

Planey.

 

 

Quite understand Sue, just got back from a long weekend in Melbourne this afternoon with, my daughter and three small grandsons, and "Grandad "can you push us on the swing not just high, but really high", and now needing a visit to my chiro tomorrow. But would'nt swap it for quids.

 

Hope the wedding cake gets gets finished in time, Just get off the forums.

 

Rgds to John, just make sure the bugger does his fare share of bit of stirring of the icing mix.

 

Planey

 

 

So you're not going flying next weekend?

 

We all understand, but thanks for keeping us posted about your repairs.

 

Now get back to the sewing machine and icing nozels. This coming week will just fly by before your happy event.

 

Don't forget to post some pics of your re-born Gazelle in the air again.

 

You are both worthy of some congratulations, as well as the about to be, newlyweds.

 

Kind regards

 

Planey

 

 

Just caught up with this post.

 

So sorry to hear about the mishap, but like many, are just so happy that you are here to tell your unfortunate story.

 

Take care, and keep us posted mate.

 

There are are so many here that care, and I hope that makes you feel a bit more comfortable under the circumstances.

 

Kind Regards

 

Planey

 

 

Geez Planey - you really got the ball rollin'regards

Amazing product WD40, not only good for freeing-up the old memory box, it's supposed to be good for Arthur Rightus on the joints too, but has done stuff all for me so far:gerg:, Think I need to change my name.

 

I'm sure there be plenty more out there, that need to say thanks to someone for something thats appreciated.

 

It just seemed a good idea to give them the opportunity.

 

Thanks Ian for the bikky's at Narromine last year that BigPete missed, geeze they were good! and I have to confess that I picked up two a time .

 

PS Sent you a PM Pete hope you got it.

 

 

hey Alan,it was a pleasure to meet with your and your princess and to give you a fly in our pride and joy.

and a big thanks to all those who have supported and cheered me on during my flying training.

 

Rach

That was our pleasure. we'd always want to cheer on a realistic, raving, realising-a dream, rootin-tootin, go-getter, and thats you for sure.

 

Congratulations on a fantastic achievement Rach.

 

You did it girl, and left a lot of guys behind in your wake. you should feel justly proud of your achievement.

 

Rgds

 

Alan

 

 

What do you want an innocent young girl for? Nev

Geez, that a bit personal doug:laugh: What do you reckon?

 

You had better get the good gen from him[/b].

Another saying I have'nt heard for 50yrs.

Anyway William, good luck my friend, I certainly hope you'll be as lucky as me, and find one that loves aeroplanes almost as much as I do.

 

William.F de Riecroft that sounds pretty exotic name, I was just wondering where it came from? (not just your parents), but the background. Is that Puerto Rican?

 

Kind Regards

 

Planey

 

 

Welcome jdog, look forward too hearing more from you.

 

Ask all you want, they're all very friendly and helpfull here.

 

Rgds

 

Planey

 

 

Welcome William,

 

Being a Pom from wayback, there'd be a lot of guys on here that would'nt be familiar with the term "Old Geezer". However, i've a confession to make. I fall in that catagory, just don't tell my swetheart (sweet innocent thing)

 

Rgds

 

Planey

 

 

Fixing up loose rivets in the 707 sometimes takes more than one person, as a few on here would realise. Nudge, Nudge!

 

 

Who the hell, ever said he was actually sleeping?

 

 

It occurred to me tonight, that there must be many here, that would like the opportunity to say a quick "thank you" to someone.

 

Over the years, many a kindness has been shown, help given, and many an instance where we would like to express the appreciation to others on these forums.

 

To start, I would like to say "thank you" for the pleasure i've derived from the early NES'rs" BigPete, Captain, Ahlocks,Turbo, Jeff, Slari-hotplate, Ultralights, Redair, Pale X and many, many more, some of whom we don't hear of much these days.

 

I'd like a dollar for all the laughs i've had here, and what i've learned.

 

Ultralights and Flightygirl gave my Princess an I a ride in their new toy at The Oaks recently,which was so very much appreciated, and there must be just so many out there, that would like say thanks to someone.

 

Don't hold back, here's your opportunity to say thanks, which you should have probably done before---------------------but we won't hold that against you.

 

I reckon this will be a long running post.

 

 

"When I were a lad .....

 

me mother wouldsend me down to t'corner shop wi' just ashillin',

 

and I'd come back wi' five poundso' potatoes,

 

two loaves o'bread, three pints o' milk,

 

a turkey, a poundo' cheese,

 

a packet o' tea, an' 'alfa dozen eggs.

 

Yer can't do that now.Too many bloody security cameras."

 

 

but by the news today, lets hope he trys to land on the right side of the fence.

 

 

From my point of view i'm happy that I made this post. It's getting a reaction which is what I wanted. I certainly hope that someone from the various energy authorities reads it too.

 

If they want to charge $600 for a pair of balls, they've got competition, from my local schoolkids who can supply a pair of smelly sneakers, dayglow painted, if necessary for $20 bucks installed----online.

 

C'mon, someone from the rip-u-off energy authority's. Someones got to read this post who can reply. We don't mind if your're speaking out of turn, providing we can get some action which might save live's.