planedriver
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Posts posted by planedriver
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I was happy. My girlfriend and me were dating for over a year, and
so we decided to get married.
My parents helped us in every way, my friends encouraged me, and my girlfriend? She was a dream!
There was only one thing that bothering me, quite a lot indeed, and that was my mother-in-law to be.
She was a career woman, smart, but most of all beautiful and sexy, who sometimes flirted with me, quite obviously too, and made me feel uncomfortable.
One day, she called me and asked me to come over, to check the invitations. So I went. She was alone, and when I arrived, she whispered to me, that soon I was to be married, and she had feelings and desires for me that she can't overcome. So before I get married and commit my life to her daughter, she wants to make love to me just once.
What could I say? I was in total shock, and couldn't say a word.
So, she said, I'll go to the bedroom, and if you are up for it just come and get me.
I just watched her delicious behind as she went up the stairs.
I stood there for a moment, and then turned around and went to the front door... I opened it, and stepped out of the house.
Her husband was standing outside, and with tears in his eyes, hugged me and said, we are very happy and pleased, you have passed our little test. We couldn't have asked for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family.
Lesson learned: Always keep your condoms in your car. -
Two Crocodiles were sitting at the side of Lake Burley Griffin
in Canberra.
The smaller one turned to the bigger one and said, 'I can't understand how
you can be so much bigger than me. We're the same age, we were the same size
As kids. I just don't get it.'
'Well,' said the big Croc, 'what have you been eating?'
'Politicians, same as you,' replied the small Croc.
'Hmm. Well, where do you catch them?'
'Down the other side of the lake near the parking lot by the Parliament House.'
'Same here. Hmm....How do you catch them?'
'Well, I crawl up under one of their
Commonwealthcars and wait for one to unlock
the car door. Then I jump out, grab them by the leg, shake the XXXX out of
them and eat 'em!'
'Ah!' says the big Crocodile, 'I think I see your problem. You're not
getting any real nourishment. See, by the time you finish shaking the sh-t
out of a Politician, there's nothing left but an ar--hole and a briefcase.'
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To join up with the SAAA would be brilliant.
After all, we all have the same common interest.
Regards
Planey
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You're saying that my jumbo-pack of toilet rolls I bought at the markets today must be a good investment for the future. Thats great!.
However, my grandsons daiper investment, was full of surprises and a bit on the nose.
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Welcome deltacharlie, I can understand how you feel about that.
I would strongly suggest that you take a drive out to The Oaks and have a chat with Dave one weekend.
They're a great bunch of guys out there who'd make you feel very welcome in a very relaxed atmosphere.
I'm a few years senior to you and would love to be able to fly if Kevin was to give a stimulus payment for flying training, but whenever I take a trip out to The Oaks, I come home feeling elated and happy that I made made the trip.
Give it a try, I don't think you'd be dissapointed.
Dave's phone number is (02) 46572771
Kind Regards
Planey
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You will never get all to agree on one place and have them all turn up.It might be better to have two meets in close succession, one more to the North of the country and one more to the South.
This way the Nth, Middle & sth Queenslanders get to go to a meet with the NSW boys somewhere on the border and adventurous Mexicans & SA people may turn up.
Then the reverse for a later meet say in Corowa /river region for the Mexicans, SA crowd, NSW boys and adventurous Q/Landers.
Whatever venue is decided upon, you'll all know which tent to head for to get the free coffee and bikkies, co's I witnessed a brave man rescuing his flag at the height of the storm at Narromine.:thumb_up:
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"Geez"! No posts in this section so far.
Let's break the ice.;)
I suppose the majority must prefer flying "builders planks" as opposed to to flying "ceiling fans" as I call them, but that must be cool for some
.C'mon guys, we're all avi8tors,desk,or otherwise with a common interest, so don't be shy.
:rotary::rotary: -
A 90-year old man said to his doctor, "I've never felt better..
I have an 18- year old bride who is pregnant with my child.
What do you think of that?"
The doctor replied,
"I have an elderly friend who is a hunter and never misses a season."
One day he was in a hurry and picked up his umbrella by mistake.
When he got to the creek, he saw a beaver.
He raised his umbrella and went "bang, bang, bang", and the beaver fell dead.
What do you think of that?"
The 90-year old said, "I'd say somebody else shot the beaver."
The doctor said, "My point exactly."
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In Charlotte , North Carolina A lawyer purchased a box of very rare and expensive cigars, then insured them against, among other things, fire.
Within a month, having smoked his entire stockpile of these great cigars and without yet having made even his first premium payment on the policy the lawyer filed a claim against the insurance company.
In his claim, the lawyer stated the cigars were lost "in a series of small fires"
The insurance company refused to pay, citing the obvious reason, that the man had consumed the cigars in the normal fashion.
The lawyer sued, and WON! (so what else is new?)
(Stay with me.)
Delivering the ruling, the judge agreed with the insurance company that the claim was frivolous.
The judge stated nevertheless,that the lawyer held a policy from the company, which it had warranted that the cigars were insurable and also guaranteed that it would insure them against fire, without defining what is considered to be unacceptable "fire" and was obligated to pay the claim.
Rather than endure lengthy and costly appeal process,the insurance company accepted the ruling and paid $15,000 to the lawyer for his loss of the cigars lost in the "fires".
NOW FOR THE BEST PART:
After the lawyer cashed the check, the insurance company had him arrested on 24 counts of ARSON!!! (Good for them!!!)
With his own insurance claim and testimony from the previous case being used against him, the lawyer was convicted of intentionally burning his insured property and was sentenced to 24 months in jail and a $24,000 fine.
This is a true story and was the First Place Winner in the recent Criminal Lawyers Award Contest.
ONLY IN AMERICA !
NO WONDER THIRD WORLD COUNTRIES THINK WE'RE NUTS
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A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car and was pulled over by a woman police officer who was also a blonde.
The blonde cop asked to see the blonde driver's license. She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated.
'What does it look like?' she finally asked.
The policewoman replied, 'It's square and it has your picture on it.'
The driver finally found a square mirror in her purse, looked at it and handed it to the policewoman. 'Here it is,' she said.
The blonde officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying, 'OK, you can go. I didn't realize you were a cop.';););)
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Seamus O'Malley is playing golf when he takes a hard struck golf ball
right in the crotch. Writhing in agony, he falls to the ground. As soon as
he could manage, he took himself to Doctor O'Connor.
"How bad is it doctor?" asks O'Malley, "I'm going on my honeymoon next week
and my girl-friend is a virgin in every way."
"I'll have to put your penis in a splint, Seamus, to let it heal and keep it
straight. Sure, it'll be fine by next week."
The doctor takes four tongue compressors and forms a neat little 4-sided
bandage and wires it all together. "An impressive work of art," says the
good doctor.
Seamus says nothing of this to his girl-friend, marries and goes off on his
honeymoon.
That night in the hotel room she rips off her blouse to revel a gorgeous set
of breasts, a sight Seamus had not seen before.
"You're the first, Seamus. No one has ever touched these breasts."
Seamus promptly drops his pants and replies,
"Would you look at this --i've been saving meself too, this one's still in its CRATE."
;)
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George was an old man. He was sick and in the hospital.
There was one young nurse that just drove him crazy.
Every time she came in, she would talk to him like he was a little child. She would say in a patronizing tone of voice, 'And how are we doing this morning', or 'Are we ready for a bath', or 'Are we hungry?'
Old George had had enough of this particular nurse. One day, at breakfast, Old George took the apple juice off the tray and put it in his bed side stand.
Next, he was given a urine bottle to fill for testing.
So, you know where the juice went! The nurse came in a little later, picked up the urine bottle and looked at it. 'My, it seems we are a little cloudy today.’
At this, Old George snatched the bottle out of her hand, popped off the top, and drank it down, saying, 'Well, I'll run it through again. Maybe I can filter it better this time.'
The nurse fainted!
Old George just smiled!
DON'T MESS WITH OLD PEOPLE!!!!
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A good one by our old mate Pete with the stiff upper lip:laugh:Nyphomaniac Convention"Tonto," the man said. "Tonto Papadopoulos, but my friends call me Paddy."regards
:big_grin::big_grin:
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A little girl asks her mum, 'Mum, can I take Lulu (the dog) for a walk around the block?'
Her mum replies 'No, because she is on heat.'
'What does that mean?' asked the child.
'Go and ask your father. I think he's in the garage.'
The little girl goes out to the garage and says, 'Dad, can I take Lulu for a walk around the block? I asked Mum, but she said
Lulu was on the heat, and to come ask you.'
He took a rag, soaked it in petrol, and scrubbed the dog's backside with it to disguise the scent, and said 'Ok, you can go now,
but keep Lulu on the leash and only go once around the block.'
The little girl left and returned a few minutes later with no dog on the leash...
Surprised, Dad asked, 'Where's Lulu?'
The little girl said, 'She ran out of petrol about halfway round the block, so another dog is pushing her home.'
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""""you just circle aroundand around
and around
until I give the sign
THEN
you can move straight in
leaving the surly bounds of earth ...............
on your knees and elbows, because I believe that what goes around, comes around, she said with a wicked glint in her eye.;)
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For those that did'nt make it this year, plan for next Easter, and just pack your wellies and wet-weather gear. (At least the locals loved the rain)
It was the first time I managed to get there, but it was well worth the effort, despite the weather not being favorable.
I met some great guys, including Admin who kindly offered me a job as a conductor or something similar, hanging on to the tent pole as the storm hit, and Storchy Neil who apparently has a fetish for sleeping up on a table to keep away from the snakes.
Poor Wannabigplane was drueling at some of the aircraft there, but i'd be happy with his, while Slarti who does'nt really have a hotplate as I suggested, was busy munching on the last hot-cross bun i'd planned to freeze and take to Eccuca for BigPete.
To all of you that I had the pleasure to meet, thank you for making my weekend memorable.
Kind Regards
Planey
PS. The wet clothes have now dried out, and the Codral cold and flu capsuls seem to be working well, but I would'nt have missed it for quids.
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Sorry, im outa step, missed the link after post 1650 somehow.
The Riverland girl has told me how fast Le Crappe is, and Ahlocks seems the same since his Cirrus ride to Narrowmind.
(Got a couple of nice pics of Cirrus raindodgers arriving Narromine which you may like Ahlocks), if it's you, PM me your email address, and i'll be happy to forward them to you.
Kind regards
Planey.
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in-dentured members (at least) lurking in the background, while their "perlies" are simply smiling at them from the glass on the bedside chest.
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Oh! ahlocks, what a spoilt brat.Hopefully, scabbing a ride up in a Cirrus on Sunday. :confused:Wanna swap it for a nice VFR ride on an XPT, at least it has a loo in board so you dont risk blowing a gasket:question:
Regards
Planey
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Good pics Geoff. Looks like a Jabiru stud-farm, not that there's anything wrong with that.
Was hoping that I might have bumped into you, to say G'day, but before i've finished making the sandwiches for the trip, your back home with your feet up.
I'm hoping to enjoy a hot cross Bakers bun for SadPete, so he does'nt feel left out.
Kind Regards
Planey
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AAARGH, OOOOOH!, UGGGHHH!, I've lost 10 kg!
I've recovered the bottle from the rubbish bin, and now, your cunningness I see it is dated 1/4/09....
And was probably a Laxo/Shiraz/Variatal which had'nt been laid down, as they leave that part for the drinkers to do.
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ITALIAN WOMEN ARE HARD!
An elderly Italian man lay dying in his bed. While suffering the agonies of impending death,
he suddenly smelled the aroma of his favorite ravioli dish wafting up the stairs.
He gathered his remaining strength,and lifted himself from the bed.
Gripping the railing with both hands, he crawled downstairs.
When he reached the bottom of the stairs,he leaned against the door frame, gazing into the kitchen,where if not for death's agony, he would have thought himself already in heaven for there, spread out upon waxed paper on the kitchen table were hundreds of his favorite ravioli.:big_grin::big_grin::big_grin:
Was it heaven? Or was it one final act of love from his wife of sixty years, seeing to it that he left this world a happy man:question:
He threw himself towards the table, landing on his knees in a crumpled posture.
His parched lips parted, the wondrous taste of the ravioli was already in his mouth.
With a trembling hand he reached up to the edge of the table, when suddenly he got a smack in the mouth with a wooden spoon by his wife.
"Va fanculo!" she said. "Questi sono per il funerale."
(Translation : – F#@k off – these are for the funeral).
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WOW!
"Thats a cracker"
Regards Planey
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That's great.
The Teacher wants to know whether you are also in year 4, or race horses.
Regards
Planey
:rotary:
Pacific Flyer Monthly Photo Competition - June 2009
in AUS/NZ General Discussion
Posted
Presumably you were landing somewhere to set-up your Slati-Hotplate hot-dog stall for the benefit of others. (What a kind man)
Rgds
Planey