planedriver

Not surprised at all at this fantastic result.:thumb_up::thumb_up::thumb_up::thumb_up:

As many ads say "check the rest, then come to the best"

Bye the way thank you for all the enjoyment you've given me too.

Yeeeeeha! well done guys for all your hard work.

Kind regards

Planey

When I was a young minister, a funeral director asked me to hold a grave side service for a homeless man with no family or friends. The funeral was to be at a cemetery way out in the country. This was a new cemetery and this man was the first to be laid to rest there.

I was not familiar with the area and became lost. Being a typical man, of course, I did not ask for directions. I finally found the cemetery about an hour late. The back hoe was there and the crew was eating their lunch. The hearse was nowhere to be seen.

I apologized to the workers for being late. As I looked into the open grave, I saw the vault lid already in place. I told the workers I would not keep them long, but that this was the proper thing to do. The workers, still eating their lunch, gathered around the opening.

I was young and enthusiastic and poured out my heart and soul as I preached. The workers joined in with, "Praise the Lord," "Amen," and "Glory!" I got so into the service that I preached and preached and preached, from Genesis to The Revelation.

When the service was over, I said a prayer and walked to my car. As I opened the door, I heard one of the workers say, " Jeez, I never saw anything like that before, and I've been putting in septic systems for over twenty years."

Now here's a thought.

Stimulus Payment Info.

"This year, taxpayers will receive an Economic Stimulus Payment. This is a very exciting new program that I will explain using the Q and A format:

Q. What is an Economic Stimulus Payment?

A. It is money that the federal government will send to taxpayers.

Q. Where will the government get this money?

A. From taxpayers.

Q. So the government is giving me back my own money?

A. Only a smidgin.

Q. What is the purpose of this payment?

A. The plan is that you will use the money to purchase a high-definition TV set or some such thing, thus stimulating the economy.

Q. But isn't that stimulating the economy of China ?

A. Shut up.

Below is some helpful advice on how to best help the Australian economy by spending your stimulus cheque wisely:

If you spend that money at Kmart, all the money will go to China .

If you spend it on petrol it will go to the Arabs.

If you purchase a computer it will go to India .

If you buy a car it will go to Japan .

If you purchase useless crap it will go to Taiwan .

And none of it will help the Australian economy.

We need to keep that money here in Australia. You can keep the money in Australia by spending it at garage sales, going to a cricket match or footy game, or spend it on prostitutes, beer and wine (FriarPuks), JABIRU's, TERRIERS, CHEETA's, etc; as these are just some of the few businesses that may still be owned by Aussies

(NOT forgetting the "Clear-Prop" shop):thumb_up::thumb_up::thumb_up::thumb_up:

Quote of the day.

"Whatever you give a woman, she will make greater.

If you give her sperm, she'll give you a baby.

If you give her a house, she'll give you a home.

If you give her groceries, she'll give you a meal.

If you give her a smile, she'll give you her heart.

She multiplies and enlarges what is given to her.

So, if you give her any crap, be ready to receive a ton of sh*t."

A man goes to a dentist to have a tooth pulled. As the dentist pulls out a needle to freeze the man's jaw, the patient says:

"'No way! No needles! I hate needles.'thumb_down

So the dentist starts to hook up the laughing gas and again the man objects.

'I can't do the gas thing. Just the thought of having the gas mask on is suffocating me!'thumb_down

The dentist, by now a little frustrated, asks the patient if he has any objection to taking a pill.

'No objection,' says the patient. 'I'm fine with pills.':thumb_up:

The dentist leaves the room, returning a moment later, and says, 'Here's a Viagra tablet.'

'Wow,' says the patient, "I didn't know Viagra worked as a pain killer!'

'It doesn't,' replies the dentist, 'but it will give you something to hold onto when I pull your tooth.';););)

Boob talk

Bare Chested:ah_oh: Gees the NES has turnes R-Rated, gees common their could be kids watchin:blush:

As for competition I'm in my b cup man boobs are a sight to see :pig:

 

Well thats enough for now, I can hear Biggles on his way back at the sound of boobs and for some reason Asslocks has undone his padlock,

Crappee's quote

It's pretty warm out in the garden tonight, so my Aunt is having a wet tee-shirt competition

WOW!, i'm busting to see one of those, thought Planey, but he did'nt get any clues about the Aunts address.

Off he set with his trusty bloodhound determined to find them.

Dressed in his trilby hat, dark glasses:cool:, and un-buttoned raincoat, he was ready to go and flash his---------------------------------------------camera at the expected beauties.

If I get enough photo's he thought, i'll make a calender to sell at Natfly to all the other deviates.

Eventually arriving at the party, all was not what he'd hoped it would be.thumb_down

There was the ageing aunt and all her friends intoxicated on Dan Murpheys cheapest plonk, standing on their heads giggleing, saying "me poor old knockers are usually by my knees, but now they're where they out to be".

A few were topless and looked like they needed ironing. Even the sheep were better looking.

But used to far better things, and profanities a plenty :angry:being aired about the tips from Le Crappee, he got the hell out of there.

What else could you do------------when you don't hail from NZ:question: (sorry guys)

Thanks Captain

.... Where the stuff is BigPete?He's ....

 

Be kind to BigPete you blokes:angry:

 

The poor guy diversified his interests, to earn enough money to go go flying, and bought an ice-crem truck.

 

Little did he know that the weather was going to be this bloody hot, and look what happened.

 

If you see a shattered man, with a tin in his hand seeking donations at the traffic lights, take heart you lousey buggers.

 

I have just noticed that there are 39 people on this site at the moment, consisting of 26 members and 13 visitors.

A big awaits you visitors, so sign up and say hello. we'd love to hear from you, whether you fly or not.

If you were'nt interested in recreational flying , you would'nt even be looking at this great site.

Kind regards

Planey.

I very recently saw an image of a Jabiru on this site that was melting and somewhat distorted :big_grin:with the heat, but now can't locate it.

If anyone can help me i'd appreciate it.

Many thanks

Planey

How to take the Riverland Girl flying when you've got no fuel.

Dead stick landing.... preceded by a dead stick take off...

http://www.wimp.com/riskylife/

Hi AllWe would just like to advise that Recreational Flying will be at Natfly (with bells on) in the same place as last year:

[ATTACH]7165[/ATTACH]

 

Please note that there will be a tent for all site members to come and meet each other, use as a central point of meeting and have free tea/coffee/hot cross buns etc

 

Recreational Flying (.com.au) more then just a website :big_grin:

It's a place where all the free-loaders and interlectually challenged members who contribute to the NES can meet to bludge a free coffee and hot-cross bun courtesy of Admin.

(I'll be wearing my dark glasses and false mo, so no one will suspect it's Planey, unless they read my name tag.):hittinghead:

Oil Change instructions for Women:

1) Drive into Ultra Tune when the odometer reaches 10,000 kilometres since the last oil change.

2) Drink a cup of coffee , read free paper.

3) 15 minutes later, write a cheque and leave with a properly maintained vehicle.

Money spent:

Oil Change:$40.00

Coffee: $2.00

Total: $42.00

Oil Change instructions for Men:

1) Wait until Saturday, drive to auto parts store and buy a case of oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree, write a cheque for $50.00.

2) Stop by the Bottle Shop and buy a slab of beer, write a cheque for $40, drive home.

3) Open a beer and drink it.

4) Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.

5) Find jack stands under caravan.

6) In frustration, open another beer and drink it.

7) Place drain pan under engine.

8) Look for 9/16 box end wrench.

9) Give up and use crescent wrench.

10) Unscrew drain plug.

11) Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: splash hot oil on you in process Curse and swear.

12) Crawl out from under car to wipe hot oil off face and arms. Throw kitty litter on spilled oil.

13) Have another beer while watching oil drain.

14) Spend 30 minutes looking for oil filter wrench.

15) Give up; crawl under car and hammer a screwdriver through oil filter and twist off.

16) Crawl out from under car with dripping oil filter splashing oil everywhere from holes. Cleverly, hide old oil filter among trash in trash can to avoid environmental penalties. Drink a beer.

17) Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to gasket surface.

18) Dump first litre of fresh oil into engine.

19) Remember drain plug from step 11.

20) Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.

21) Drink beer.

22) Discover that first litre of fresh oil is now on the floor. Throw kitty litter on oil spill.

23) Get drain plug back in with only a minor spill. Drink beer.

24) Crawl under car getting kitty litter into eyes. Wipe eyes with oily rag used to clean drain plug Slip with stupid crescent wrench tightening drain plug and bang knuckles on frame removing any excess skin between knuckles and frame.

25) Begin swearing fit.

26) Throw stupid crescent wrench.

27) Swear for additional 5 minutes because wrench hit darts trophy.

28) Another beer.

29) Clean up hands and bandage as required to stop blood flow.

30) Beer.

31) Dump in five fresh litres of oil.

32) Beer.

33) Lower car from jack stands.

34) Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during any missed steps.

35) Beer.

36) Test drive car.

37) Get pulled over: arrested for driving under the influence.

38) Car is impounded.

39) Call loving wife, make bail.

40) 12 hours later, get car from impound yard.

Money spent:

Parts: $50.00

DUI: $2500.00

Impound fee: $75.00

Bail: $1500.00

Beer: $40.00

Total: $4,185.00

But we know the job was done right!

(we might laugh, but there's an element of truth in it) "Shhh! ;)

Mate thats utter bullsh:censored:-t, or to be more precise birdsh:censored:-t, I never ever saw a thing.[/color]There I was looking skywards as air-minded people usually do, when a flock of birds flew over and I copped one in the eye. My Princess said do you want a toilet tissue?, to which I replied, "No point, that bloody bird will be miles away by now"!

 

 

BigThong, quite proud of his new name, new status as Mayor's right hand man for the Thong Festival, which the fly in was now called (they'd managed to book Dusty Springfield, which was pretty hard these days,

 

No doubt about that, the boy obviously has some pretty good connections, she sadly died back on the 2/3/1999 but does have an angelic voice.

 

Having discovered his mistake, BigThong the organiser, burst into song, and with tears in his eyes and started to sing "I only want to be with you. You don't have to say you love me me, followed by "I just don't know what to do with myself"

 

But now i'm the mayors R/H man, it's quite acceptable for a man in my position, (Kharma Sutra No 437), to be consoled by the Riverland Girl, or, She who pays the fuel bill, or anyone else who measure's up ;););) within the electorate.

 

Le Crapee who was deliberately keeping out of this, was behind the scenes trying to woo the Riverland girl to come with him (possibly spelt wrong) to Narromine, since she'd given Planey the flick :rotary:on the basis that she was more intersted in younger fly-by-nite's:crying:.

 

So will she go with with La Capitan:heart:, JabbyGeoff;),or, IlikeitupsidedownPete:hug:?

 

 

An 80-year-old Italian goes to the doctor for a check-up. The doctor is amazed at what good shape the man is in and asks, "How do you stay in such great physical condition?"

"I'm Italian and I am a golfer,' says the old boy, "and that's why I'm in such good shape. I'm up well before daylight and out playing golf. I have a glass of vino, and all's well."

"Well' says the doctor, 'I'm sure that helps, but there's got to be more to it. How old was your Father when he died?"

"Who said my Papa's dead?"

The doctor is amazed. "You mean you're 80 years old and your Father's still alive. How old is he?"

"He's 100 years old," says the old Italian golfer. "In fact he golfed with me this morning, and then we went to the topless beach for a walk and had a little vino and that's why he's still alive. He's Italian and he's a golfer, too."

"Well," the doctor says, "that's great, but I'm sure there's more to it than that. How about your Father's Father? How old was he when he died?"

"Who said my Nono's dead?"

Stunned, the doctor asks, "You mean you're 80 years old and your grandfather is still alive?"

"He's 118 years old," says the old Italian golfer.

The doctor is getting frustrated at this point, "So, I guess he went golfing with you this morning, too?"

"No, Nono couldn't go this morning because he's getting married today."

At this point the doctor is close to losing it. "Getting married!! Why would a 118-year- old guy want to get married?"

"Who said he wanted to?"

It pays to travel 1st class.

Airbus retrofit.

There was this small church down in Echuca that had a very big-busted Organist. Her breasts were so huge that they bounced and jiggled while she played the organ.:thumb_up: Unfortunately, she distracted the congregation considerably. The very proper church ladies were appalled. They said something had to be done about this or they would have to get another Organist.

So, one of the ladies approached her very discreetly and told her to mash up some green Persimmons and rub them on the nipples of her breasts and maybe they would shrink in size, but warned her to not eat any of the green Persimmons, though, 'because they are so sour they will make your mouth pucker up and you won't be able to talk properly for a while'. thumb_down

She agreed to try it.

The following Sunday morning the MinisterPete got up in the pulpit and said....

'Dew to thircumsthanthis bewond my contwol, we will not hath a thermon tewday.';););)

(Sorry Pete, could'nt resist it. Bet you're jealous Captain)

"Half your luck Nev":big_grin:

"Good stuff" don't forget to invite me to your centenary Ian:thumb_up:

Regards

Alan

It takes your food seven seconds to get from your mouth to your stomach.

One human hair can support 3 kg (6 lb).

The average man's penis is three times the length of his thumb.

Human thighbones are stronger than concrete.

A woman's heart beats faster than a man's.

There are about one trillion bacteria on each of your feet.

Women blink twice as often as men.

The average person's skin weighs twice as much as the brain.

Your body uses 300 muscles to balance itself when you are standing still.

If saliva cannot dissolve something, you cannot taste it.

Women reading this will be finished now.

Men who read this are still busy looking at their thumbs.

its been a sad day for me, just found out today my flying instructor Jack Curtis, passed away recently:crying:

I flew with him on numerous occasions in DC3's.

Presumeably it was another case of too many Birthdays which comes to us all.

I would guess that he'd have been about 82, but he always looked as fit as a fiddle.

RIP Jack.

Good one Paley

Beaver fancier myself most any Beaver will do

 

even one of the also Rans

 

although I must admit that

 

while under the Clumulus stimulus

 

I have had a Jabortwo at ……..

However, others who will remain nameless, swear that i'm Erector Sportstar, not just a limp blimp like others;););)