planedriver

Welcome back mate, with no mention of the mortar scratching?

We'll leave that to BaristaCrappee who's probably doing his shift in Gloria----'s Jeans.:big_grin::big_grin::big_grin:

Planey's pencil is in ???????????????????

For a service, as it's ground to a halt and run out of lead.

Hello, Planeys back, feeling relaxed, with a big :big_grin: on his face, and happy to report that both wrists are OK:thumb_up::thumb_up:

However, if his :heart:37-25-36 laptop gets an unwanted upgrade, and becomes :broken_heart:39-58-41 in about July '09. Then the nurse that had the cold hands, is going to have some explaining to do:faint:.

TheBaristaCaptains statement No.10 is somewhat inaccurate(quote) Planey may not survive the entire episode, and they'll never be able to close the coffin lid.

The facts are, that the pre-paid funeral arrangements, clearly stipulate that his coffin lid is to have electrically operated flaps built into it, in order that it is easier to breathe, and to allow for protrusions to hang his favourite flying hat and goggles on..

The question is: If BigPete has been absent, was he responsible for the scratching noises we heard in the middle of the night? and was he scratching away the mortar between the brickwork to have a peek:cool: from the next motel room, so he could pass on instructions to his mate?;););).

MusicalPlaney has now mastered the art of the snake charming flute prescribed to him by his Indian Doctor. It is necessary to blow gently, and cover the right hole to be able to reach the required high notes.;)

My thanks go to hihosland for his contribution during my absence, as this saved the BaristaBarristerLeCrappee from wandering around in ever decreasing circles searching for the VonTrapp family singers, where he'd promise to save them, providing they could pay his exhorrrrrrrbitant fees.

OK folks. To all of you who think that you are skilled as a pilot, take a look at this video!

http://www.chilloutzone.de/files/08102703.html

is now available in powder form for your tea.

:big_grin::big_grin::big_grin:

Dan was a single guy living at home with his father and

working in the family business.

When he found out he was going to inherit a fortune

when his sick father died, he decided he needed a

wife with which to share his fortune.

One evening at an investment meeting he spotted the

most beautiful woman he had ever seen.

Her natural beauty took his breath away. 'I may look like

just an ordinary man,' he said to her, 'but in just a few

months, my father will die, and I'll inherit 20 million dollars.'

Impressed, the woman obtained his business card and

three days later, she became his stepmother.

Women are so much better at estate planning than men.

Dear Mr AllWashedOutPete,

Thank you for your prompt reply showing unquestional wisdom.

It is sad in a way that I have to bid you farewell :wave:for a week, while I partake of a short break.

While away, my laptop unit which is a :heart:37-25-36 :heart::hug:model, is unable to receive progress reports from the NES, and I too, hopefully, will be suitably distracted while playing my snake charmers flute which I got on prescription.;););)

Whatever excuses are given by CaptainBaristerBarrister, please just return any communications to sender, as they are sure to also contain an exhorbitant bill:yuk::yuk::yuk: of immense magnitude.

Take care guys, and have fun:big_grin::big_grin::big_grin:, Oh, and you be kind to one another!

Regards

Planey:wave:

Dear (as in bloody expensive) Barrister Le UsualripoffCrap.

The claims in your most obviously "doctored" post No. 511 regarding MrPete, are undoubtedly fraudulent and are of very grave concern to those directly involved, and will be subject to ongoing litigation.

Being such an honest man of very humble means, I do not allow your inferred threats to pressure me in any way, as there is not much that can taken away.

Without any money being available, those in your claimed profession quickly loose interest.

Further your fraudlent past claims :angry:to being a Captain :question:have been noted by many, who may be called to give evidence at a date to be advised.

As you should be well aware, your claimed title is spelt incorrectly and could be interpretted as a means to pervert the course of justice. Your correct title is "Barista", not Barrister, as your colleages at Gloria Jeans can attest.:thumb_up::thumb_up::thumb_up:

Notice of the preliminary hearing has just come through,and is to be heard at 10am sharp on Monday morning at the District Court.

Please bring with you 2 short blacks with 7 sugars, 4 cuppachino's and one flat white for my legal team.:big_grin::big_grin::big_grin:

P.S. Do not vent your anger, by spitting in the cups:cool: as we have special authorisation to use the Crowns spitometer.

See Yer Monday

Planey

Saturday 25th October 2008 (early edition)

The Oaks & Bendigo Chronical.

Breaking News.

Missing Flier Found Wandering

By Chronical reporter Ivor Jabbytoo.

The popular missing Victorian flier BigPete has this morning been found fit and well, albeit wandering in an intoxicated state.:yuk::yuk::yuk:

It had been feared that he had been held against his will at a nearby monastry and made to carry out laundry chores gainst his will.

MrPete is very well known for getting himself into tight situations, and earlier this year had to be rescued along after fleeing with the Von Trapp family singers.

On this occasion, he had gone to visit FriarPuk for a few days to assist with looking after his sheep, but wound up washing socks by night instead.

It would appear that last night he’d been allocated duties watching over the sheep while seated around a campfire with other drunken shepherds.

The Friar is well known in the local community for his rather potent home-brew, of which more than generous allocation are issued, to keep out the cold night air.

During his ordeal, he’d had his wristwatch stolen and lost all track of time.

However, as the night wore on and every one started to fall asleep, hearing the Captains distant calls yodel-ay-eee yodel-ay-eee yodel-ay-eee groan" Now where is BloodyIKeepGettingCapturedPete this time?" he made his escape and wandered off into the darkness.

Just as dawn was breaking, he was spotted by PC Plodd, who was making his way to be first in the que when Macca’s opened.

The well intoxicated flier was seen to be unsteady on his feet before falling over again.

When assistance arrived he was singing “While shepherds flogged my watch at night, while seated on the ground.

An angel of the force came down and picked me off the ground”.:thumb_up::thumb_up::thumb_up:

It is good to know that he is expected to make a full recovery after a few strong coffee’s and a bit of sleep, before making a full report on the forums.

" "Fair dinkum, if he keeps getting caught and having to be rescued all the time we might just have to sacrifice him as a bad risk."

Your dead right there Paley, maybe we'll have to offer him up finally as SacraficialPete.

He seems to revel being in this sort of situation.

The bugger keeps going back for more, just like those kinky blokes that go to "The House of Dominance".:yuk:

Thats one place you don't want to go to twice, as that Madam with the long boots, mask and whip really hurts you, and charges more than I can afford:laugh:.

Kind Regards

Paindriver:angry:

And so it was, that SoundofmusicPete headed of for what he thought would be a very well earned break.

But alas things were not as he'd expected:angry:

He found himself being allocated the night shift in the monastry laundry.

"But Friarpuk" said disapointedPete, "I thought you said I could watch your flock by night, not wash bloody socks by nightthumb_down:censored:

Le CrossdressingCrappee went to his closet and took out a bright floral dress and a short wig, to make himself look like Julie Andrews with hairy legs, in the hopes that he could rescue our mate TootrustingPete.

Helen Clarke, Prime Minister of New Zulland, is rudely awoken at 4 am by the telephone. 'Hillen, its the Hilth Munister here. Sorry to bother you at this hour but there is an emergency! I've just received word thet the Durex fectory en Auckland has burned to the ground. It is istimated the the entire New Zulland supply of condoms will be gone by the ind of the week.!!!'

PM: 'Shut - the economy wull niver be able to cope with all those unwanted babies - wi'll be ruined!'

Hilth Munister: 'We're going to hef to shup some in from... Brutain?...'

PM: 'No chence!! The Poms will have a field day on thus one!' Hilth Munister: 'What about Australia ?'

PM: 'I'll call Kevin Rudd - tell hum we need one million condoms; ten unches long and eight unches thuck! That way they'll continue to respect the All Blacks!!'

Three days later a delighted Hillen rushes out to open the boxes. She finds condoms; 10 unches long; 8 unches thuck, all coloured green and gold. With small writing on each one.........

'MADE IN AUSTRALIA - SIZE: MEDIUM'

[quote=Captain;63790

"What do you think gynacologistPete?"

Unable to a respond at this time, gynacologistPete has just gone for his early-morning stroll-------------------------- down the back yard to the dunny..

As usual, he's taken his plate of vegemite on toast, a mug of tea, and the morning newspaper.

After he's read it from cover to cover three times, recycleconsiousPete will tear it up in little squares and put it to another use.(thats how you can save money for a J160)

By about 10.30 he'll emerge into the fresh air amid cheers and:clap: from the red-faced:angry: family members who have been queing and dancing on the spot, waiting patiently for their turn.

To the two Air Commodes recently posted.

Not wishing to be a pain in the ass by saying this, but with a title like the Le CrappyCaptain, what other title other than Air Commode would be more fitting? We are open for suggestions.

BigPete passes wind (glider pilots), a few tips on interacting with those with fans on the front, in another section, so must surely be qualified for the same catagory:question:

Planey who takes his Metamusil regularly, thinks this must be a blast from the past:confused::confused::confused:

So the Thruster fliers organise a fly-in, with a pyjama party in the evening, and the theme is "The Village People".

StraightPete and Planey have not been invited (for obvious reasons)after all that has been said and done, but word has it that the Captain is trying on his black leather jacket ,hat, and false moustache, and has been practicing the arm movements to dancing to YMCA:laugh:.

Paley and Geoff are not too fussed about it either, so that leaves only the Thrustalot's and our crossdressing-mate to practice his steps.

Left clonk, step right, arms above the head in the shape Y. M, C, and an A etc; etc:;););)

Dear Mr Crappy Captain. :heart: Although we have not been formaly introduced, I feel that I have known you for somtime. ;) My LittleBigPete, known to some as Willy-am, tells me you can be a very naughty boy :ah_oh: at times and I feel I should come over for dinner and give you a damn good spanking. regards

 

Big? Pete? :heart::heart:

"This is your Captain speaking.

Apparently poor Petrifiedplaney has backed up against the wall and refuses to budge".

While ManyaliasesPete is just so grateful that his parents did'nt offficially name him William, for fear of being discovered. ---------------(earlier);););).

Never mind, he's a good bloke, and i won't hold it against him, providing he promises to do do the same:angry:.

Dear BigPete,

It is with great pleasure that I can inform both you, and the rest of the forum members, that whilst i'm fairly tolerant of gays, I am neither gay, nor, into Thrusters.

I'll leave that side of things to them.;););)

Yours most sincerely

Planey

Greetings to the members of the Never Ending Story.

This is BigPete's Mummy. :heart: If the Captain, :heart: Planey, :heart: Paley :heart: and other members of these forums can't play nice with my little boy (who loves his sister:question:, only in a brotherly way) then I will not let him play anymore. :ah_oh:

Sister indeed:question:

Now we can diagnose that his exageratinitus is some sort of bizzare heredity complaint. :sorry:Pete's Mum you've been sprung!

Reminds me of the skinny blonde chick down the street, who's always walking along hand in hand along with a big bird who's a black as the ace of spades, and she introduces her as her sister!!??**;):yuk::yuk:

It is now quite apparent why he gets on so well with the Riverlad girl.

If his Mum is really MrsI'llWhipYourButt, no doubt her son follows in her footsteps too, and the kinky girl likes that sort of behavior:exclamation:

The macho guys on here, are just getting a bit curious as to whether Pete owns a whip, tall black boots, G-string, and a mask:cool:, and hides them in the tail section of the J160:question:, because there's a que forming with blokes that want a lend of them:laugh:

[quote=planedriver;63196

However]https://www.recreationalflying.com/xf2/uploads/emoticons/088_censored.gif.03b4fab6f26a58d5cdf75ba85c450225.gif[/img] by the undercover moderators:thumb_up:

So here's is the report that you've all been waiting for, with all the juicy details of what he got up to!

so:sorry:thumb_downthumb_downthumb_down:censored:

Kind Regards

Planey

Self-appointed undercover moderator with elevated responsibilites like Captainpegleg.

After considerable merry making, I agree, said the Riverland beauty, and I was rubberless too" thought Pete.

Having sown a few wild oats last night, fallingdownincestuousPete has taken time out from the forums to go to church, to pray for a crop-failure.

 

However, he should return later today with a full report of last nights shenanikins, provided it is not by the undercover moderators:thumb_up:

So heartlessbastardamputeehaterPete has shown his true colours. I have the meloncholy duty to report to the thousands of NES readers that not only has cold&calousPete rejected the pegleg Crappee's request for assistance, but rubyournoseinitPete has knocked off the little rubber thingy that was on the end of my peg-leg.

:wave:Captain this is really sad !

PsycologistPete was actually conducting a character test on you, and you did'nt even realise it.:confused:

The test was to find out whether:

(1) you'd take it in good spirit and simply replace it at a cost of 60 cents.

(2) you'd whinge like buggery on the NES to try and get a bit of sympathy, so Ian starts a "thingy fund" for forum members to make donations.

(3) you cut a bit of rubber off Pete's nosewheel tyre at the next fly-in, say nothing, and quietly super-glue on the end of your stump while nobody is looking.

(4) Leave it as it is, to give all your mates a good laugh:laugh: YES PLEASE.

Sadly, you did not get a very good score, but to help you out, i'll donate 2cents:thumb_up:, if we can find another 29 members to put you out of your misery.

Kind commiserations

Planey

Paddy and Mick are walking down a street in London .

Paddy happens to look in one of the shop windows and sees a sign that catches his eye.

The sign said "Suits £5.00 each, Shirts £2.00 each, Trousers £2.50 per pair."

Paddy says to his pal, "Mick, look! We could buy a whole lot of dose, and when we get back to Ireland , we could make a fortune.

Now when we go into the shop, you be quiet, okay? Just let me do all the talking cause if they hear your accent, they might not be nice to us. I'll speak in my best English accent. "

"Roight y'are, Paddy, I'll keep me mouth shut, so I will," says Mick.

They go in and Paddy says, "I'll take 50 suits at £5.00 each, 100 shirts at £2.00 each and 50 pairs of trousers at £2.50 each. I'll back up my truck and..."

The owner of the shop interrupts, "You're from Ireland , aren't you?"

"Well ..... yes," says a surprised Paddy. "How der hell d'y'know dat?

The owner says, "This is a dry cleaners."

Now it's stopped raining and the sposed2b retired Planey heads off to fix someones automatic security gates, he departs for a while wondering why zercrappyi'lldeliberatelymisleaduCaptain has not copped (to coin a phrase) a few comments from our mate Paley who normally keeps "obbo" on these sorts of things:question:

"Breaka-Breaka Paley, you gotta copy" 10/9.

Don't go away, there's more:big_grin:

While the man of the moment, takes a break for a honey and banana with sugar- coated strawberries sambo to get his sugar CHT right:thumb_up:,Planey has been doing a bit of serious thinking:loopy:.

Where did the name crappycaptain come from:question:

Is it the fault of missing "Polly" who is usually fed cheap imported vindaloo bird seed from India:question:

The answer is NO!

At the last Nohopetown fly-in, the Capitin was looking skyward when a flock of birds flew over, and he copped one in the eye.:yuk::yuk::yuk:

The always HelpfullPete:big_grin: asked whether he'd like a toilet tissue, but the Capitin snapped back "don't be stupid, whats the point:question:,the bird will be miles away by now"

So there you have it, the facts once again from TriviachampPlaindrivel:thumb_up::thumb_up::thumb_up:with another 5 bobs worth of smileys to stir up the tightbutundercovercaptain:pig:

Two posts in a day from le crappycaptain, must mean that he's come out of the closet again:thumb_up:,or,got a day at home waiting for the pest control man to arrive to do a routine termite treatment on his wooden leg:question:

Unlike Douglas Bader who flew spitfires with artificial legs, CaptainPegleg announces his arrival at the flying club, as he marches in with a left-clonk, left-clonk, while everyone pretends not to notice:cool:.

The club commitee have insisted that he now has to wear his black-patch over one eye, so members and visitors know what type of captain he really is.:black_eye:

The big question is-------------

Has the CaptainI'llfoolyouPegleg managed to con Ian into being an undercover:cool: adminis traiter (see post445)

Poor Planey (the trusting soul that he is) is still in a state of shock, and feeling that he's been well and truely "conned".

All this time he's been under the impression that Captain was a four striper used to flying big birds (not only the Riverland Girl) to far-away exotic places.

Then the crunch comes, and the facts emerge.

It turns out, if read correctly? that he was only a Jim lad, walk-the-plank type Captain in charge of a fleet of peddle boats on the River Thames.

I can just visualise "peg leg" standing there,wearing his old seamans cap he bought for a shilling at the church jumble sale, bellowing through his tin megaphone, "Come in number 5, your time is up".

The poor hirers who' only gone about 50yds anyway, had sweat pouring off themselves, as they peddled furiously through the muddy waters, full of driftwood, plastic bottles and dead dogs.

"If your not back in port in 2 minutes, i'll use my elevated authority and ban you from hiring again for 2 weeks".:hittinghead: cried Crappy.

Meanwhile, GrapeyGeoff from Mildura, is fitting an on-board still to his J160, converting it to run on pure alcohol, which he can extract from some of last years semmilion blanc that did'nt sell.

With just a few cases, Grapey will be able to get enough fuel to get to the next Chewka fly-in, and if it's a hot day, will be able to lay in the shade under the fuel drain and get himself blind with some of the reserve.

Thats what you call innovation, just like BigPetes Godfreysucknblow powerplant.