planedriver

During World War II, a British pilot was shot down while on a bombing mission over Germany. He sustained terrible injuries when he crash-landed, but he was pulled unconscious from his plane and taken to a German military hospital to recover.

When he regained consciousness a few days later, a kindly German doctor was at his bedside. “Major Howe,†said the doctor, “the injuries that you received when your plane crashed are most severe. Both of your legs and both of your arms have extensive damage. In fact, your right leg has been crushed so badly, we have to amputate it immediately. I realize how terrible this must make you feel. I am a doctor first, and a German second. If I can do anything to comfort you, please don’t hesitate to ask.â€

“Well, Doctor,†replied Major Howe, “there is something that you can do for me. Can you give my amputated leg to the Luftwaffe and ask them to drop it over England during their next bombing mission. I sure would feel better if my leg wound up in good old England.â€

“I see no problem with that,†said the doctor. “Consider it done.â€

So after the operation, the doctor gave the amputated leg to a German officer with instructions to drop it over England.

Unfortunately, two days later the doctor had to give Major Howe some more bad news. “Major Howe,†said the doctor, “I’m afraid that gangrene has set in on your left leg, and it too must be amputated. Any requests?â€

“Yes,†he replied. “Could you drop that leg over England also?â€

“Ya,†said the doctor, and after the operation he gave the Brit’s leg to the same German officer and asked him to dispose of it as before.

One week later, the doctor had still more bad news for the Major.

“Major Howe,†said the doctor, “we have done everything in our power to save your two arms, but I’m afraid that gangrene has set in on both of them and we must amputate immediately. Can I assume that …â€

“Yes,†interrupted the Major. “If you would be so kind, old boy, please see that both of my arms are dropped over good old England.â€

The doctor promised to take care of his request and he again asked the same German officer to drop the amputated limbs over England. This time, however, the officer became perturbed and insisted on speaking with the British pilot.

“So,†said the German officer. “You are the pilot who wanted his right leg dropped over England?â€

“Yes,†replied Major Howe. “That is jolly well correct.â€

“Hmmmm. And then you wanted your left leg dropped over England?â€

“Yes,†replied the Major. “That is correct as well.â€

“And now you say you want both of your arms dropped over England?â€

“Correct again,†replied the Major.

â€mmmm, very interesting,†mused the suspicious German officer. “Tell me something, Major… you’re not trying to escape, are you?â€

On a train from London to Manchester, an American tourist was telling off the English gentleman sitting across from him in the compartment.

“You English are just far too damn stuffy. You set yourselves apart too much. Look at me… I have Italian blood, French blood, a little Australian blood, and some Swedish blood. What do you say to that?â€

The Englishman replied, with a smile, “Very sporting of your Mother.â€;)

An Englishman, an Irishman, and a Scotsman went for a round of golf and their wives went along as caddies.

While walking around the course the English man's wife caught her foot in a rabbit hole, tripped up, and landed in a heap on the ground. Her skirt was over her head revealing that she wasn't wearing any knickers! The Englishman stormed over and angrily demanded a reason for her state of undress.

"Well darling," she explained, "you give me so little allowance that I have to make the odd sacrifice. Usually no one notices."

The Englishman thrusts his hand into his pocket and said, "Here's a tenner. Go to Mark's and Spencer's and get some knickers."

Two holes further along the Irish Man's wife caught her foot on a molehill, tripped up and landed in a heap on the ground. Again her skirt was up over her head revealing that she wasn't wearing any knickers either! The Irish man was livid and he angrily demanded a reason for her lack of undergarments.

"Well darling," she explained, "you give me so little allowance I cannot afford to buy undergarments."

With that the Irish man thrust his hand into his pocket and said, "Here's a fiver. Go to Woolworth's and get some knickers woman an make yourself decent."

Three holes further on, the Scottish man's wife caught her foot on an exposed root, tripped up and landed with her skirt over her head revealing that even she wore no knickers! Her explanation to her irate husband was the same as the others. Simply a lack of allowance. The Scottish man thrust his hand into his pocket and said, "Here's a comb. At least you can tidy yourself up a bit."

:sorry:Planedriver too, has got out of step with the story as others snuck in before him.

Don't fancy the chances of making a successful complaint though, as the complaints department is closed for an early lunch again and the admiistrator has moved in the heavy machinery in readiness.:hittinghead:

Anyway .......

Viz all zis spray i'm makin looking like zee cross-channel hovercraft, vee hopes we can get za thing out of grund efekt wizout za need to push Maria out of zee dor to make it liter. Zee poor motor was redlining and sounded like a scolded bee as zee stick was pulled back and they started a very shallow climb. With the Ratta Tatt Tatt of the machine guns nearby, they had no choice but to make several orbits to gain enough altitude to get over zee bloody mountains. As they narrowly cleared the peaks, the motor noise was drouned out as Maria burst out singing "The Hills are again, alive with the sound of music", and they were heading to back to base.

With the 15 bucks he'd saved by attempting to use palexxx's previously posted translator, Planedriver felt that HindonPete's heroic actions should be rewarded with something appropriate :thumb_up::thumb_up::thumb_up: ,so took him to a small resaurant in town and treated him to with a meal of Krackwurst and sauerkraut which sadly gave him much flatulence:sad:.

Ians stuff had the dust washed off it, but wound up a little waterstained so there should be some good discounts :thumb_up:to be had when it re-appears at Narromine next Easter.

The Riverland girl meanwhile,was still crying out for help, as she was trying to unhook BigPetes favourite fishing lure from her undies which he'd demanded back, and guess who came to her rescue....

Hey Captian send me 15 bucks,we can share, because I found the answer on Ebay.

I am a professional freelance translator, and will professionally, accurately and quickly translate documents from German, or Spanish to English, or vice versa. I always thoroughly research the subject so I can create the best, most accurate translation possible. I charge $30.00 for a page of approx.250 words.No additional charges.Free estimates of documents, just email me and I will be happy to give you an estimate.I have experience in IT translation, legal documents, medical documents, business letters, personal letters, etc. especially responses to recreational flying forums, Wow how goods that??!!!!***** And so the story continues,...........

Surely he thought,that's got to be the famous Captain Von Trapp, the very one from the movie. Sure it was raining cats, and dogs, fritzis and frogs and this really impeaded poor HindonPetes progress. To put it bluntly, he really had the *****, especially when dear little Gretl in all her innocence burst into song, singing "The rain in spain, falls mainly on the planes". Getting his phrase book out of his pocket and trying to get his accent right this time, My Dear little Gretl, HindonPete explained, Ize care not a stuff at zee moment about zee precipitation in Madrid, these pages are all stuck together you zee, but im tryin my best.

Howz do I get uze otta ziz desperate sitzuazion?.........

All of a sudden the well intentioned Captain BigPete realises there's a bit of a problem, the Jabby only has room for two (should have bought a J400 he thought, and turned a blind eye to the regs)

He turned to Maria and said "do you have a favorite"?

Very interesting. Learned a lot from other peoples experiences.

Well worth the read.

Thanks for posting it.:thumb_up:

Oh Yea!

a gyroscopic motor ideal on downhill runways. If the field has a suitable slope, the gyro spins the fan fast enough to do one circuit and land at the top of the hill and it's ready to go again.

Pat. Applied for tonight.

Flying training for 5 bucks an hour. Pretty Cool Eh!!:thumb_up:

Windup wonders do not sound too good to planedriver, He has bad memories as a lad of spending many nights building flimsy balsawood and tissue models powered that way.As an over enthusiastic youngster overwinding the thing so it would fly higher and faster the airframe sometimes collapsed into something which resembled a face tissuue filled with matchsticks. Putting his past experiences to good use Planedriver is now working on a water-powered ultralight which could be very beneficial when flown in pastoral areas. Simply push the aircraft to the end of the runway. The field launch-assistant connects the water hose to the bung thats been pushed hard into the fuel bottle and turns the tap on. Once the tank is half full and pressure builds up the bung blows out and "WHOOOSHKA" you are rocketed to 1500ft to then hunt for a few thermals to continue the days flying. This could have great potential in not only watering the surrounding countryside on take-off, but also giving a much needed shower to the "hippies" camped in the adjoining paddock. No oil to change every 25hrs, plugs to foul-up, when it needs a service you simply see a plumber.

sound's good eh????????????:thumb_up:

The poor girl now had long-term worries, and suggested that it may have been better to have bought sausages instead, so they could save the skins. Whilst not feeling 100% confident about there reliability, they may be better than a weary dunlop,but $79.95 a go was out of the question .

If only I had saved that knicker elastic that was probably still attached to Bigpete's fishing lure, we may have been able to have it recycled at Dick Johnsons Rubberworks down the road, into a product may have saved me from the prickydickament I now find myself in. She discovered the father was a pilot who flew the bank runs, and was a fly-by-night. Being already married he was was obviousy a bit of a Cheetah, and it concerned her that as she'd had far too much to drink, she might just wind up with a Tipsy Nipperthumb_downthumb_downthumb_downthumb_down.

I saw a guy getting out of a Duchess at Bankstown yesterday who looked like he'd bought some, but it was'nt much of a turn-on.

Meanwhile the boys at the the clubhouse were wooeing the Riverland girl and listening intently to her tale of the events that had occured. One of them kindly offered ;) to show her what goes on inside the hangars. Some while later they re-emerged with big smiles on their faces:big_grin::big_grin: and she was saying something about "she thought that sort of thing only occured on Qantas flights". It had been her intention to apply for a job with Virgin, but felt that she would now no longer qualify:sorry:.

Bigpete's reputation. With the good news from the Captain about the Murray River filling up again, Bigpete decided it might be a bit of fun to take the day off and try his hand at a bit of fly-fishing. So with the Jabby just above stall speed he opened, or to be more precise bent the Jabby door open, and tossed out his favorite lure in the hopes of catching a nice Murray Cod to cook on the barbie. Unfortunately his lure missed the river, but did catch the last remaining pure Riverland girl in the area who just happened to be bending over tieing her shoe laces. Feeling the sudden jerk, Bigpete thought he'd caught something good and wound in his line with great vigor. The miss'es will be pleased with me he thought, untill he saw what he had caught. As his catch came up near the port landing gear, he thought what the ---- am I going to do with this????????? there was this poor lass hooked by no more than a bit of knicker elastic, flapping around in the slipstream. He tied the line off to that short stick between the front seats and headed back to base. On his final approach, the Jabby took up the sort of port wing low attitude that you would expect with a 40knt crosswind. Unfortunately as he came over the fence his catch caught up with the barbed wire fence causing half a dozen extremely fast go-arounds. After touching down safely in his usual manner, other flyers were intrigued to learn his technique in achieving so many circuits in such a short time. Using such techniques must surely qualify one for a certificate in far less hours they thought.

have to draw Big Pete into the equation again for some of his ideas, or, anyone else who has a few suggestions to offer. Meanwhile back at the ranch at Kenthurst, The Pope enjoys his extra-thick aussie steak and say's "youssa aussies makeaa da meat lasta uno meal onerly, when we Italians cudda maka plenty spaghetti bollognaise for da poor peeple while usa getta fat on yur owna, which just goes to prove that ..........

So glad you obviously landed safely Adrian, and did'nt suffer too much "wind" shear from the sheep.

Take care.

Wool there you go.

Din Sim for those like a lot of of aircraft noise.

I'm not real enthusiastic about adding to the range Quote :GirlSim for the boyz, BoySim for the girls, WhateverturnsyouonSim for the others, because these always seem to attract those unwanted emails to make it bigger, smaller, last longer, or, even to get it back working occasionally;). However, a flightsim which automatically deducts monery from credit cards each time the flyer passes over the top of a motorway toll booth sounds even better for the pension fund.:thumb_up::thumb_up::thumb_up:

It is possible that this concept may be packaged with BikeSim simulating Captain beating up the highways and byways and Drifting Driving (to coin a phrase) through the snow, all from the comfort of your fireside chair.

Simply deposit an initial down-payment of $50 accompanied by a bottle of red to Planedrivers account while he works out the feasability and projected delivery date for the system.:thumb_up:

Sorry!! This could be construed as commercial advertising which is banned on the forums.

Maybe Ian can give special dispensation for the bottle of red, if I share with him??***!!

Most ultralight flyers seem to cry out for extra horses, so don't complain.:hittinghead:

Five surgeons are discussing who makes the best patients to operate on.

The first surgeon,says,I like to see accountants on my operating table because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered."

The second,responds,"Yeah, but you should try electricians! everything inside them is color coded."

The third surgeon,says,"No,I really think librarians are the best,everything inside them is in alphabetical order."

The fourth surgeon,chimes in:"You know,I like construction workers ... Those guys always understand when you have quite a few parts left over."

But the fifth surgeon,shut them all up when he observed: "You're all wrong. Pilots are the best to operate on, because when the odds of success are not at all good, they're still happy they'll get where want to where they want to go, because they own the latest GPS.:rotary::rotary:

Armed with the chainsaw and the new idea of making an aeroplane out of timber,ex drifter driver raced to his closest bit of rainforest to cut down a few trees to get the materials for the airframe. There was so much pandamonium caused by his actions with branches falling, which still had protesting greenies attached. One big branch fell on one of the protesters bright yellow combi vans with the flowers painted on it :faint:and wrote the bloody thing off. With a wry grin, ex drifter driver said to the bruised owner "MAAAAATE, todays your lucky day;).As yer combi's stuffed, i'll be prepared to help you out with 10 bucks for the old motor co's I can put it to good use with a fan on the front"

I can give you the phone number of the Cabramatta Driving Academy where they teach you to drive in the middle lane in busy town traffic and 30km per hr in the r/h lane on motorways.

I'm sure they'd be able to assist you, if you want to be further confused:hittinghead: