planedriver

I'm Back. :thumb_up:

Now be gentle.....

 

Back

 

But he's still full of it, which i'm sure really means. ie

 

1 Full of pennance for deserting forums:sorry:

 

2 Full of positives (since reconnecting Jabbybattery)

 

3 Full of praise (where duly deserved)

 

4 Full of pilot humor:laugh:

 

5 Friend of PaleXXXX (Stubbies)

 

6 Friend of Planedriver:thumb_up::thumb_up::thumb_up:

 

7 Especially Full of praise (That the word FopPete has been catagorised as an unaceptable forum swearword):yuk::yuk::yuk: and will now be automatically:censored:

 

Be kind to BigPete.

 

Like most inventors, he may be a bit eccentric, but we should enjoy reading about his inventions like the jetpack made out of old vacuum cleaners, before the man in the white coat comes and takes him away:laugh:

Good onya mate,

My dad went to his first job with a bloke in his late fifty's who snuffed it, after taking a younger bird home for the night.

He did'nt make it through the night, but as two young "bobby's", they could'nt forget the apparent smile on his face:big_grin::big_grin::big_grin:

I suppose from past experience, we should not be surprised at journo's who rarely seem to get their facts right.

Yet again tonight, I fire up my computer which has ninemsn as the homepage, and start to read a news item which states "small jet crashes into Japan highway.

It then shows a photo of a Cessna 185, or similar, that has sadly come to grief.

Thank God there were no feathers to be seen, otherwise they are likely to claim it was some sort of rare bird.

The things clearly got a bloody fan on the front of it, even if it is bent.

When are these idiots going to get edumikated?

Thanks Phil to you and your mates.

Where would we be without you.

Im my dads day, he only carried his bit of "charlie wood" (truncheon)

Sadly, times change.

Take care

Alan

You've gotta luv kids.

We obviously learn so much from them ;););)

I rear-ended a car this morning.

So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the other driver got out of his car.

You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed and little things just seem funny?

Yeah, well I couldn't believe it.... he was a DWARF!!!

He stormed over to my car, looked up at me while I was laughing, and shouted, 'I AM NOT HAPPY!!!'

So, I looked down at him and said, 'Well, then which one are you?'

And then the fight started.....

After retiring, I went to the local Centrelink office to apply for my aged pension.

The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's license to verify my age.

I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home.

I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later.

The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'.

So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair.

She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she approved my application.

When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at Centrelink.

She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have got a disability pension too.

And then the fight started.....:hittinghead:

Not even all the "hot air" out of Canberra seems to be having much effect, but they'll almost stand on the street corner and give our money away.

I think i'm going to start 'The Hot Air Party" and live out the rest of my days in the lap of luxury on the government funding.

CLIMATE STATEMENT "AN ORCHESTRATED LITANY OF LIES"

Dr David Evans,a consultant to the Australian Greenhouse Office from 1999 to 2005. - There is no evidence to support the idea that carbon emissions cause significant global warming. None. ...The Labor Government is about to deliberately wreck the economy in order to reduce carbon emissions

 

http://www.theaustralian.news.com.au/story/0,25197,24036736-7583,00.html

And for anyone who voted them in:hittinghead::hittinghead::hittinghead:

Just blame it all on me, because despite of all this global warming??? I'm confused why I've just had to throw another log on the fire in an attempt to even get slightly warm.:confused::confused::confused:

........."I hope the Captian doesn't find out about this or he'll put sierra hotel india tango on me, and Slarti is sure to put the slipper in"

To the contrary, Slarti who was busy burning the midnight oil working on his Cheetah, remained quiet.

Motivated by the totally-wild, BS performace claims of HotRodPete and his Webber carburetted AlfaJabizoom, Slarti had been quietly working away pefecting modifications to minimise the running cost's of of his Cheetah.

He'd had this brainwave :idea:to convert his plane to run on gas.

He took a trip down to the local Centrelink office and managed to convince the dimwits there, that his vehicle was called a Holden Cheetah, and sucessfully applied for a $500 Government sponsored LPG conversion.;)

Now when I go on long distance fly-aways on my own, i'll be able to use the foldaway barbecue thats now built into the right hand seat, he thought.

The mods were all well thought out. Alongside his GPS, he now has a bracket which holds the hotplate scraper, bottle of BBQ sauce, spray-n-wipe, and the squeegy for cleaning the splattered fat off the inside of the windscreen prior to landing. (Gee, that boy thinks of everything)

Needing to refuel more frequently than he did before, he overflys the nearest truck stop and gets on his CB radio. "Breaker, Breaker, this ere is Slarti in the Cheatah Rig.

If yer can move yer bloody Kenworth up a bit, i'll get a clear run up to the LPG bowser, an i've got a couple of leftover snags for yer".:thumb_up::thumb_up:

Now enjoying his flying for a modest 10 bucks an hour, in a very warm cabin, he arrives fully fed, but smelling like a hamburger shop, much to the envy of others.

One other point to consider is: Dont use WD40 on any rubber as is causes it to swell.

For any of you guys that have roller doors that don't run as well as they used to, clean the guides with steel wool or scotchbride pad, and give a good spray with Mr Sheen or 3-In-One silcon spray.

If you use WD40, the rubber inside the nylofelt edging strip swells and gets progresively tighter in the guides, and the doors then stuffed.

"Once the Riverland girls heads north I'll be able to handle it" said SelfabusePete.

That's because Slartibuttfast is always ...................................

Busy playing with his big cat, as he needs to be at the moment, so he's excused.

So whats this about the Riverland girls (plural). LoyalPete, and FaithfulPlanedriver thought there was only one left we'd be interested in.

The Captain sounds like he's holding back on something!!! and got a few Riverland Fluzzie's up his sleeve which he's not prepared to share with his mates.:raise_eyebrow:.

Not really the right thing to do Capitan.;):confused::devil::pig:

The body language in the photo says it all.

The casual crossed legs with the slight lean, and hand on the spinner proudly says, loud and clear, "she's mine".:thumb_up::thumb_up::thumb_up::thumb_up::thumb_up::thumb_up::thumb_up::thumb_up::thumb_up::thumb_up::thumb_up::thumb_up::thumb_up::thumb_up::thumb_up:

Congratulations Chris, take good care of her.

Regards

Alan

"I am also sick of limping" she explained "So after I finish those 2 off I'll see if I can find my other thong' date=' but what about ............................................"[/color'][/font]

Planedriver?

He's such a gentleman, unlike some of those Murray River boys with only one thing on their mind, and these days he sadly dose'nt measure up to the reputation of the Muuuurumbidgeeeee fellahs.

However, he is known for taking ladies out on his boat and giving them a serve of crabs, (muddie's that is) straight from the traps and into into the wok, with coriander and sweet-chilli sauce:thumb_up::thumb_up::thumb_up: and washed down a few glasses of bubbly.That normally does the trick;).and cuts out most of the salesman talk.

paleXXXX meanwhile, is considing changing his forum name, to overcome any confusion. The X's are not suggestive kisses at all:heart::heart::heart::heart: Captain. They are to do with his favourite beverage. One for breakfast:sad:, one for morning tea:chuffed:, one for lunch:big_grin:, and one for dinner:laugh:.(six-packs, that is)

CheapPete also ordered 500,000 party slogan bumper stickers from a Chinese company called "We Stickit Up You". :confused:

Suddenly, the Riverland girl........

Got all excited, on hearing the name of the Chinese label company.

Wow!!! she thought, i'll certainly be in that.

Me Mum's not around, so while she's not looking, I can stick one on my bike, because I like to peddle it around town a bit, as you may have heard.

On hearing that Pete was considering changing his name (by deedpole), she became totally confused:confused::confused::confused:. Russpete, no that did'nt sound right, Bigruss, no that did'nt sound right either, maybe Big Richard she thought. I dunno, not for me to worry about, he'll work it out as he usually does;););););).

Friarpuk was beginning to get a really good reputation for the exceptional qualitiy of his home-made wine ,and decided to give it a proper name on a real label. This way they could charge for it, instead of simply giving it away.

On hearing this, Plod was a bit concerned whether this would contravene the licencing laws. Maybe, it would be acceptable if the profits were donated to a worthwhile charity, he thought. Maybe the Hopetown----- Civil Ordinance Protection Society (Cops)

They were after all, trying to finance an aircraft to be used for weed spotting and to monitor traffic congestion on country roads.:thumb_up::thumb_up::thumb_up::thumb_up:

Word has it that Planedriver may have been seeing a lot more of the Riverland girl, than he would want to have general knowledge. They shared the girl's packet of M & M's one lunchtime, but he was a bit confused why she was only giving him the blue one's????

Captain was busy schemeing how to set up his own CASA during the Lympics opening cetemony, and thought that if he could only get it right at a time like this, he run rings round the mob in Canberra.

This made Ian into totally confussed, because he was now wondering whether he'd have to jump in his Gazelle, and leap over to Captain's joint, to apply for a job:question:

Civil Aviation Safety Authority of Orstralya

Dear Mr BigPete,

It is with deep regret, that having perused your Reggy May, the human resources committee consider that you are unfortunately not only overqualified, but also far too intelligent, to fill a position with CASA.thumb_downthumb_downthumb_downthumb_down

If you have any mates who you consider are a stubby short of a six-pack, who'd be far more suited to the position, please refer them to us for consideration.

As i'm sure you will understand, being a government department, it is our endevour to maintain our usual pathetically low standards.:hittinghead:

Your's Sincerely

Ivor Floppyprop (CASA Airscrew Safety Division)

a big bump on his head and the golfer's ball beside him.

Constable Plod having enjoyed his free feed, showed great consideration on the day, by taking a stroll downwind, after realizing that he may have eaten a few too many onions.

A few pilots had reported slight wind-sheer just before touchdown and some engines coughed a little, but all landed safely.

Plod was really quite taken in by all the different types of aircraft that had flown in from far and near.

The commisioner should supply me one of these, he thought to himself, then i'd be able to get around my patch a lot quicker. At the same time i'd be able to check out some of those funny looking plants growing in paddocks near those big flash houses.

It could even be fitted with a tank of "Round-up", so I could dive down and give them a quick spray, and then chuckle to myself as I fly off into the sunset watching them wilt like you know what:laugh:.

One by one all the visitors departed the field:wave::wave:and those that had bought the health drinks, decided to take the bottles with them, to possibly refill during the flight home.

FriarPuk went back to the monastry on his horse-drawn buggy, to bottle some more of his home-made plonk for the next event.

The day had been such a success, that the local mayor instructed the (rarely seen) Town Crier to make a public announcement, to thank the organisers for putting on such a good event.

The Town Crier dressed in his traditional costume with the silly hat, duly stopped in the main street and rang his bell vigorously, prior to making the announcement.

Many of the young kids of Nohopetoun had never seen him before, and rushed into the street with their pocket money, thinking it was The Home Delivery Ice-cream truck.thumb_downthumb_downthumb_down

Back in Canberra the CASA bosses were scratching themseves, (as they normally do), wondering who the hell they could get to fill a vacancy that existed.

As most Canberians are already working in overpaid government jobs, they had to decide whether they got someone from NSW:sad:, or a Mexican, from south of the border;););).

It has been suggested by Planedriver, that preference may possibly be given if BigPete, or , other interested applicants, post thier humorous resume's here for all to see.

The Pakistani had to be contented with the egg, and his wife missed out on catching the hen, because she always has to walk 6 paces behind.thumb_downthumb_downthumb_down

Good luck Ian.

Tip for the day.

Scratch yourself, and explain why, and you should get the job like the other bloke.

Rgds Alan

Planedriver’s Sharemarket Report.Balloons are up.Drifters came and went.Diamonds were snapped up by the fairer sex.Cheeta’s had a bit of a runaround at today’s trading.Batteries exploded in an attempt to recharge the market.Pipers stocks were a bit of a blow-out.Lazair’s had a small lift.Storm’s were a bit volatile.Fockers were censored.Gyro’s were all of a whirl.Terrier’s were snapped up.Texan’s were big in the market.Tiger Moths seemed in a flutter.Hang Gliders were left floating.Gazelle’s went ahead in leaps and bounds.Pitts were at an all time low.Don’t blame me, if I really need to be locked up.Planedriver.

A bikie went to a bar and ordered a drink. As he sat drinking his beer, a young lady sat down next to him. She turned to the bikie and asked, "Are you a real bikie?" He replied, "Well, I've spent my whole life on Harleys. My momma was pregnant with me when she rode on the back of my Daddy's Harley, then as a little boy I rode on the back with my Daddy until I finally got my own Harley. I've been riding a Harley ever since. So yes, I guess I am a real bikie."She said, "I'm a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about women. As soon as I get up in the morning, I think about women; when I shower, watch TV, eat, whatever, everything seems to make me think of women." Then she got up and left. The bikie was thinking about what just happened when a man sat down next to him and asked, "Are you a real bikie?" He replied, "I always thought I was, but I just found out I'm a lesbian."

A man was being interviewed for a job with CASA."Were you in the service?" asked the interviewer."Yes, I was a Marine," responded the applicant."Did you see any active duty?""I was in Vietnam for 2 years and I have a partial disability.""May I ask what happened?""Well, I had a grenade go off between my legs and I lost both testicles.""You're hired. You can start Monday at 10 am."The somewhat surprised applicant asked, "When does everyone else start? I don't want any preferential treatment because of my disability.""Everyone else starts at 7 o'clock, but I should be honest with you," explained the interviewer. "Nothing gets done before 10 o'clock because we just sit and scratch our nuts trying to decide what to do first."

There was once a Indian and an Pakistani who lived next door to each other. The Indian owned a hen and each morning would look in his garden and pick up one of his hen's eggs for breakfast. One morning he looked into his garden and saw that the hen had laid an egg in the Pakistani's garden. He was about to go next door when he saw the Pakistani pick up the egg. The Indian ran up to the Pakistani and told him that the egg belonged to him because he owned the hen. The Pakistani disagreed because the egg was laid on his property. They argued for a while until finally the Indian said, "In my family we normally solve disputes by the following actions: I kick you in the nuts and time how long it takes you to get back up, then you kick me in the nuts and time how long it takes for me to get up, who ever gets up quicker wins the egg." The Pakistani agreed to this and so the Indian found his heaviest pair of boots and put them on, he took a few steps back, then ran toward the Pakistani and kicked as hard as he could in the nuts. The Pakistani fell to the floor clutching his nuts howling in agony for 30 minutes. Eventually the Pakistani stood up and said, "Now it's my turn to kick you." The Indian said, "Lets argue no longer sahib, you can keep the egg!"

Well done!!

Well done Ben (OFFICIAL UNDERSTATEMENT)What a wonderful turnout, even given the weather and associated problems which prevented even more attending.I would have loved to have been there.Take a sincere pat on the back, because you most obviously deserve it, and your hard work was obviously appreciated by so many.Regards Alan