planedriver

I liked the story Derek.

Don't worry about comma's.

When you get to my age it's easier to read, because, I, can, stop,to,take,another, breath.

Rgds.

Alan

Nice pic's

Nice pic's Doug.

At least in a Jabiru you have a chance to take in the scenery.

A bit different if you were sitting astride a couple of Avons in a Lightning ha ha!

The Jab does'nt have a climb rate of 50,000ft/min either, but is cheaper to run.

Gotta be grateful for some things:thumb_up:.

Rgds

Alan

Sorry that the pictures did'nt come out in the post.

Maybe they were "stealth fighters"

Seems faster now

Last night it seemed very slow compared with when it first started, but now it's fine again. I'm on broadband with Optus.

Maybe it was the banner.

A COLONEL ISSUED THE FOLLOWING DIRECTIVE TO HIS EXECUTIVE OFFICERS:

"Tomorrow evening at approximately 2000 hours Halley's Comet will be visible in this area; an event which occurs only every 75 years. Have the men fall out in the battalion area in fatigues, and I will explain this rare phenomenon to them. In case of rain, we will not be able to see anything, so assemble the men in the theater and I will show them films of it."

EXECUTIVE OFFICER TO COMPANY COMMANDER:

"By order of the Colonel, tomorrow at 2000 hours, Halley's Comet will appear above the battalion area. If it rains, fall the men out in fatigues, then march to the theater where this rare phenomenon will take place, something which occurs only once every 75 years."

COMPANY COMMANDER TO LIEUTENANT:

"By order of the Colonel be in fatigues at 2000 hours tomorrow evening. The phenomenal Halley's Comet will appear in the theater. In case of rain in the battalion area, the Colonel will give another order, something which occurs once every 75 years."

LIEUTENANT TO SERGEANT:

"Tomorrow at 2000 hours, the Colonel will appear in the theater with Halley's comet, something which happens every 75 years. If it rains, the Colonel will order the comet into the battalion area."

SERGEANT TO SQUAD:

"When it rains tomorrow at 2000 hours, the phenomenal 75-year-old General Halley, accompanied by the Colonel, will drive his comet through the battalion area theater in fatigues." :confused:

A man and his wife were driving their Recreational Vehicle across the country and were nearing a town spelled Kissimee. They noted the strange spelling and tried to figure how to pronounce it - KISS-a-me; kis-A-me; kis-a-ME. They grew more perplexed as they drove into the town.

Since they were hungry, they pulled into a place to get something to eat. At the counter, the man said to the waitress:

"My wife and I can't seem to be able to figure out how to pronounce this place. Will you tell me where we are and say it very slowly so that I can understand."

The waitress looked at him and said: "Buuurrrgerrr Kiiiinnnng." :hittinghead:

Yes, you do have to be registered to access it, but it only takes a minute of your time and is well worth the effort.

The views over our harbour are always magic.

Congratulations Keith.

Probably a little bit easier on the nerves at Innisfail, than it would have been three abreast on finals at Bankstown.

Well done, another milestone in your life to remeber.

Rgds

Alan

After being married for 37 years, I took a careful look at my wife one day and said: "Honey, 35 years ago we had a cheap apartment, a cheap car, slept on a sofa bed and watched a 10-inch black and white TV, but I got to sleep every night with a hot 21-year-old gal. Now I have a $500K home, a $45K car, king-size bed and plasma screen TV,

but I'm sleeping with a 58-year-old woman. It seems to me that you're not holding up your side of things."

My wife is a very reasonable woman. She told me to go out and find a hot 21-year-old gal, and she would make sure that I would once again be living in a cheap apartment, driving a cheap car, sleeping on a sofa bed and watching a 10-inch black and white TV.

Aren't older women great? They really know how to solve your mid-life crisis.:hittinghead:

No hourly rates to worry about either.

The first flight's on them!!!!!!!!!!!

Very funny.

Thank God i'm not the only one with a warped sense of humour.

Sorry the photo's don't appear to have come out in this post, because they were well woth seeing. Maybe the file size was too big. Hopefully Ian, Darren or someone with abit more computer knowledge acn put me right.

Alan

This might explain why stuff from China is so cheap.

Anyone planning to fly in China soon?

For anybody who is not familiar with a jet engine, a jet fan blade should be perfectly smooth.

A pilot for a Chinese carrier requested permission and landed at FRA (Frankfurt, Germany) for an unscheduled refuelling stop. The reason became soon apparent to the ground crew: The Number 3 engine had been shut down previously because of excessive vibration, and because it didn't look too good. It had apparently been no problem for the tough guys back in China: as they took some sturdy straps and wrapped them around two of the fan blades and the structures behind, thus stopping any unwanted wind-milling (engine spinning by itself due to airflow passing thru the blades during flight) and associated uncomfortable vibration caused by the suboptimal fan.

Note that the straps are seat-belts....how resourceful! After making the "repairs", off they went into the wild blue yonder with another revenue-making flight on only three engines! With the increased fuel consumption, they got a bit low on fuel, and just set it down at the closest airport (FRA) for a quick refill.

That's when the problems started: The Germans, who are kind of picky about this stuff, inspected the malfunctioning engine and immediately grounded the aircraft. (Besides the seat-belts, notice the appalling condition of the fan blades.) The airline operator had to send a chunk of money to get the first engine replaced (took about 10 days). The repair contractor decided to do some impromptu inspection work on the other engines, none of which looked all that great either. The result: a total of 3 engines were eventually changed on this plane before it was permitted to fly again.

And you were worried about using duct tape to fix a broken wing-strut?

When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me that I should get it fixed.But, somehow I always had something else to take care of first, the car, fishing,always something more important to me.Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point.When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass, busily snipping away with atiny pair of sewing scissors.I watched silently for a short time and then went into the house.I was gone only a few minutes. When I came out again I handed her a toothbrush."When you finish cutting the grass," I said, "you might as well sweep the driveway."The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a limp.Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right, and the other is a husband. :black_eye:

A sweet grandmother telephoned St. Joseph 's Hospital. She timidly asked, 'Is it possible to speak to someone who can tell me how a patient is doing?'

The operator said 'I'll be glad to help, dear. What's the name and room number?' The grandmother in her weak tremulous voice said, 'Norma Findlay, Room 302.' The operator replied, 'Let me place you on hold while I check with her nurse.'

After a few minutes the operator returned to the phone and said, 'Oh, I have good news, her nurse just told me that Norma is doing very well. Her blood pressure is fine; her blood work just came back as normal and her physician, Dr.Cohen, has scheduled her to be discharged on Tuesday.'

The grandmother said, 'Thank you. Thank you.That's wonderful Dear! I was so worried! God bless you for the good news.'

The operator replied, 'You're more than welcome. Is Norma your daughter?'

The grandmother said, 'No, I'm Norma Findlay in Room 302. It's just that no one tells me jack sh-t in here.' ;);)

A pretty young Italian girl was going on a date.

Her Nonna said: "Sita here Ana letame tella you about those-a younga boys cos your Nonna knows about dis things.

He's agonna try ana kiss you, you are agonna likea dat, but don't let him do that.

He's agonna try ana kiss your breasts, you are agonna likea dat too, but don'ta let him do that.

But most important, he's agonna try ana lay on topa you, you are agonna likea dat, but don'ta let him do that. Doing that cana bring disgraca to the the whole family.

With that bit of advice, the granddaughter went on her date.

The next she'd she told grandma that she'd ben right, and her date went just like she had predicted:

"Nonna, I didn't let him disgrace the family. When he tried to do what you said,I fooled him, I simply turned over, and I got on top, so the disgrace would fall on his family"

Nonna fainted!!

Jack wakes up with a huge hangover after attending his company's Christmas Party. Jack is not normally a drinker, but the drinks didn't taste like alcohol at all. He didn't even remember how he got home from the party. As bad as he was feeling, he wondered if he did

something wrong.

Jack had to force himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins next to a glass of water on the side table. And, next to them, a single red rose! Jack sits up and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed. He looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotlessly clean. So is the rest of the house. He takes the aspirins, cringes when he sees a huge black eye staring back at him in the bathroom mirror. Then he notices a note hanging on the corner of the mirror written in red with little hearts on it and a kiss mark from his wife inlipstick:

"Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to get groceries to make you your favorite dinner tonight. I love you, darling! Love, Jillian"

He stumbles to the kitchen and sure enough, there is hot breakfast, steaming hot coffee and the morning newspaper. His son is also at thetable, eating.

Jack asks, "Son... What happened last night?"

"Well, you came home after 3A.M., drunk and out of your mind. You fell over the coffee table and broke it, and then you puked in the hallway, and got that black eye when you raninto the door.

Confused, he asked his son, "So, why is everything in such perfect order and so clean? I have a rose, and breakfast is on the table waiting forme??"

His son replies, "Oh THAT!... Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your pants off, you screamed,

"Leave me alone, I'mmarried!!"

Broken Coffee Table $239.99

Hot Breakfast $4.20

Two Aspirins $.38

Saying the right thing, at the right time ..."Priceless!"

Next time you use a pair of rubber gloves, you're going to smile when you think of this:

A dentist noticed that his next patient, a little old lady, was nervous so he decided to tell her a little joke as he put on his gloves.

'Do you know how they make these gloves?' he asked.

'No, I don't,' she replied.

'Well,' he spoofed, 'there's a building in Canada with a big tank of latex and workers of all hand sizes walk up to the tank, dip in their hands, let them dry, then peel off the gloves and throw them into boxes of the right size.'

She didn't crack a smile.

'Oh, well. I tried,' he thought.

But five minutes later, during a delicate portion of the procedure, she burst out laughing.

'What's so funny?' he asked

'I was just envisioning how condoms are made!'

Gotta watch those little old ladies! Their minds are always

working!

Thats some trip icebob, at even 5mins a visit, that would have put another 23hrs 25mins on your travelling time, but presumeably your a were un-deturd about about it.

Congratulations Mate!!!

Stuff the modesty.

Tell everyone and enjoy every bit of it. They'll enjoy chatting about your progress from hereon till you're a Jabiru Captain.

I sometimes shout out "clear prop" to my son when I start the van in the morning.

He thinks i'm some sort of "Nutta".

A tour bus driver is taking a bus load of seniors on a trip, when he is tapped on his shoulder by a little old lady.

She offers him a handful of peanuts, which he gratefully munches up.

After about 15 minutes, she taps him on his shoulder again and she hands him another handful of peanuts.

She repeats this gesture about five more times.

When she is about to hand him another batch again he asks the little old lady,

'Why don't you eat the peanuts yourself?'.

'We can't chew them because we've no teeth', she replied.

The puzzled driver asks, 'Why do you buy them then?'

The old lady replied, 'We just love the chocolate around them.'

It pays to be careful around old people.:confused::confused::confused:

P.S. Am hoping my new denture beds in soon!!!

A woman was having a medical problem - her husband was always snoring and she hardly ever got any any sleep. So she called the doctor one morning, and asked him if there was anything he could do to relieve her "suffering."

"Well, there is one sure cure but it's not particlarly cheap.

"My goodness!" the woman exclaimed, "sounds like buying an ultralight kit to keep him up all night in the shed!"

"Humm," the doctor murmured, "too obvious, huh?"

Bet there's a few on these forums that got the O.K. for the same reason!!

Tip of the day---- Sleep flat on you back fellahs, with you mouth slightly open.

;););););)

This morning I woke up in hospital with a shocking headache and my head heavilly badaged.

Last night my wife and I had just finished watching "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire" and decided to turn in for an early night. While we’re laying in bed. I looked over at her and, in my sexiest voice, asked her "Wanna have make love?"

"No." She answered.

I said, "Is that your final answer?"

"Yes." She replied.

So I said, "I’d like to phone a friend."

That’s the last thing I remember…

I can understand a lot of the guys getting excited about your sad? news/hot tip.

Dos'nt help me much though, as I live on my own:crying:

My beautiful French maid is never allowd to waste her tallents cleaning the shower ;););).------------------------------------------------------- What bull:censored:!!