planedriver

Miss Beatrice, the church organist, was in her eighties and had never been married. She was admired for her sweetness and kindness to all. One afternoon the pastor came to visit her and she showed him into her quaint sitting room. She invited him to have a seat while she prepared afternoon tea. As he sat facing her old pump organ, the young minister noticed a cut-glass bowl sitting on top of it. The bowl was filled with water. In the water floated, of all things, a condom!

When she returned with tea and scones, they began to chat. The pastor tried to stifle his curiosity about the bowl of water and its strange floater, but soon it got the better of him and he could no longer resist.

"Miss Beatrice", he said. "I wonder if you would tell me about this?" pointing to the bowl.

"Oh, yes" she replied, "isn't it wonderful? I was walking through the park a few months ago and I found this little square package on the ground. The directions said to place it on your organ, keep it wet and that it would prevent the spread of disease.

Can you believe it? I'm convinced it really works, I haven't had the flu all winter!?!"i_dunnoi_dunnoi_dunno

More proof that fuel prices are out of control:

I pulled into a full service station today and asked for fifty dollars worth of gas.

The attendant farted, took my fifty bucks and simply walked away.

Would'nt be the same without it ferret

That looks like the aircraft that was used for filming much of an IMAX film I saw a couple of years ago at Darling Harbour. May have been titled Australia-Land Beyond Times, or, somthing similar.

Much of the time the view was from the front seat and the scenery was spectacular, and half of it was due to me sitting in the audience sitting there operating the rudder pedals attached to the seat in front, I think?

Anyone who loves actually flying, would get as much fun out of it as drifter driver does at The Oaks on a Sunday arvo.

Interesting!

Sounds to me like an instruction sheet that would come with a "build your own personal plane and teach yourself to be a pilot" plans, from a forty year old copy of Practical Mechanics.

Hi Linsay,

Sounds like you have a great club there.

Had wondered about doing a bit of there, but the instructor in the photo looks a little on the young side

Pictures of the Cheetah's Mk1 and Mk2 look great, otherwise no "cheating" allowed as this is a serious competition.

Have unique shot of my girlfriend on ultralight flight with her head inspecting the bottom of a knocked-off Virgin airsick bag, but have been advised that it's not appropriate to post, but keep all the other entries coming.

Welcome to the forums clack.

In case you had'nt done your homework, you've just landed at YENJ (Enjoy)

Looking at the types of a/c you've flown, i'm sure with your experience, any of your posts will be well received, and only contribute to the knowledge and enjoyment we are fortunate to be able to share on this great site.

Rgds Alan

I'd like to second Deskpilots remarks.

Matt/Kaz, good onya guys. :thumb_up: :thumb_up:

Decca/Derek, great to put a face to the name at last. ( I have e few spare razors if you'd like one, so we can see you even better).

Great to see you enjoying yourself up where you want to be mate.

I start my "glow in the dark" stuff tommorow, so if i'm off line for a while, don't worry.

(The Devil looks after his own:devil::devil::devil: hopefully)

Rgds Alan

Hi Graeme.

Welcome to the forums, we have a lot of fun here.

I'm an experienced pilot with quite a number of TIF's on the Jabiru's.

But can you arrange a TIF on a 747 for me "pretty please"

Scott was a lovely young guy, and when I met him we discussed how the Facet Opal looked so similar to control-line combat model aircraft that I used to fly many moons ago, which were so manouverable. His demise is a sad loss.

One thing that did stick in my mind was that the Ultrabat that he was working on (the forerunner to the Saphire) had a problem with the aluminium boom cracking where it met the fibreglass fairing at the back of the fuselage. this problem he must have fortunately overcome.

The madam opened the brothel door and saw a rather dignified, very well-dressed, good-looking man in his late 40s or early 50's.

'May I help you?' she asked.

I want to see Valerie,' the man replied.

'Sir, Valerie is one of our most expensive ladies. Perhaps you would prefer someone else,' said the madam.

'No. I must see Valerie,' he replied.

Just then, Valerie appeared and announced to the man that she charged $5,000 a visit. Without hesitation, the man pulled out five thousand dollars and gave them to Valerie, and they went upstairs. After an hour, the man calmly left.

The next night, the same man appeared again, once more demanding to see Valerie. Valerie explained that no one had ever come back two nights in a row -- too expensive -- and there were no discounts. The price was still $5,000.

Again the man pulled out the money, gave it to Valerie, and they went upstairs. After an hour, he left.

The following night the man was there yet again. Everyone was astounded that he had come for a third consecutive night, but he paid Valerie and they went upstairs.

After their session, Valerie questioned the man. 'No one has ever been with me three nights in a row. Where are you from?' she asked.

The man replied, 'Melbourne.'

'Really' she said. 'I have family in Melbourne.'

'I know,' the man said. 'Your father died, and I am your sister's attorney. She asked me to give you your $15,000 inheritance.'

The moral of the story is that three things in life are certain:

1. Death

2. Taxes ....... and

3. Being screwed by a Melbourne lawyer

Sure thing Ben.

And it definately works, I only got up up once last night.

It's sad that advancement is often made by people with a vision, who pay the ultimate price before all the bugs are ironed out.This man created something he believed in, and one day it may still become reality through the interest and admiration of others in his work, who may carry on where he left off.

I'm sure many of us here would like a good reliable means of flying from A to B safely, with the sort of economy that the design envisaged.

Funny this post should come up today, only last night I was looking at several web-sites regarding the Ligetti Stratos. It looks a mean little machine so different from the rest in the croud, but sadly came to grief when stalled on finals after a short flight after numerous modifications. Apparently the son who is an acomplished aeronautical engineer is working on a second generation model. It will be very interesting to see what the outcome is.

There is quite a bit of info at this site http://www.ligetistratos.com/history_story.htm which you may like to check out, if you have not done so already.

Rgds Alan

[ATTACH]5746.vB[/ATTACH]

Like the squirrel, I think i'll keep my nuts to myself, co's in a few days they'll be radioactive and will probably glow in the dark and be incapable of jumps like the grasshopper.

Always Remember This:

You don't stop laughing because you grow old,

You grow old because you stop laughing.

Just after the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very elderly widow and asked, 'And tell me, how old was your husband?' '98,' she replied, just two years older than me'.

'So you're now 96, that's absolutely wonderful.

She responded, 'Hardly worth making the trip back home, is it?

It comes to us all one day, but I sure feel like i'm getting old.

I've had two bypass surgeries you know. a hip replacement,

two new knees, fought prostate cancer and diabetes, i'm half blind, and can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine at take-off power, even with new batteries in my hearing aid.

I take 40 different medications a day that are inclined to make me a bit dizzy, short-winded, blurred vision and subject to blackouts.

Have bouts with dementia, (but can't remember when), and poor circulation;

Can hardly feel my hands and feet anymore.

Can't remember if I'm 85 or 92.

Have lost all most of my friends. but thank God for Rec/Aus, I still have my pilots certificate.

At least this way, if I climb till it won't go any higher, i feel i'm a bit closer to getting to heaven. ;););) Anyone got a plane I can borrow to go for a fly?

Don't laugh, this is serious stuff!! For me this started years ago

I feel like my body has got pretty much out of shape from what it used to.

So I got my doctor's permission to join a fitness club and start exercising.

I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors.

I bent, I twisted, I gyrated, I jumped up and down, and sweated like a pig for almost an hour. but by the time I got my leotards on,the class was over.

At Sydney's Jetstar Check-In today, I thought i'd humor the girl at the desk and said "Please send one of these bags to Hobart, one to Darwin and the other to Macua". She said, “We can't do that Sir!†--------I replied, thats utter B.S. you did it last week!â€

Solicitors are known for telling "porky pies", and he was no exception.

Lesson 1:

A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings.

The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs.

When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbour.

Before she says a word, Bob says, 'I'll give you $800 to drop that towel.'

After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob. After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves.

The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs.

When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, 'Who was that?'

'It was Bob the next door neighbour,' she replies.

'Great,' the husband says, 'did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?'

Moral of the story:

If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.

Lesson 2:

A priest offered a Nun a lift.

She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg.

The priest nearly had an accident.

After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.

The nun said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?'

The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again.

The nun once again said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?'

The priest apologized 'Sorry sister but the flesh is weak.'

Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and went on her way.

On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129.

It said, 'Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory.'

Moral of the story:

If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.

Lesson 3:

A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.

They rub it and a Genie comes out.

The Genie says, 'I'll give each of you just one wish.'

'Me first! Me first!' says the admin clerk. 'I want to be in the Bahamas , driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.'

Puff! She's gone.

'Me next! Me next!' says the sales rep. 'I want to be in Hawaii , relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life.'

Puff! He's gone.

'OK, you're up,' the Genie says to the manager.

The manager says, 'I want those two back in the office after lunch.'

Moral of the story:

Always let your boss have the first say.

Hi lazarin,

Good luck with whatever training you eventually decide on.

I know for a fact there are some very experienced guys on this site who freely pass on good sound advise, based on their vast experience and are well worth listening to.

Good well absorbed training in the early stages, should should be a great base to build on, for safer flying in years to come.:thumb_up: