planedriver

This might explain why stuff from China is so cheap.

Anyone planning to fly in China soon?

For anybody who is not familiar with a jet engine, a jet fan blade should be perfectly smooth.

A pilot for a Chinese carrier requested permission and landed at FRA (Frankfurt, Germany) for an unscheduled refuelling stop. The reason became soon apparent to the ground crew: The Number 3 engine had been shut down previously because of excessive vibration, and because it didn't look too good. It had apparently been no problem for the tough guys back in China: as they took some sturdy straps and wrapped them around two of the fan blades and the structures behind, thus stopping any unwanted wind-milling (engine spinning by itself due to airflow passing thru the blades during flight) and associated uncomfortable vibration caused by the suboptimal fan.

Note that the straps are seat-belts....how resourceful! After making the "repairs", off they went into the wild blue yonder with another revenue-making flight on only three engines! With the increased fuel consumption, they got a bit low on fuel, and just set it down at the closest airport (FRA) for a quick refill.

That's when the problems started: The Germans, who are kind of picky about this stuff, inspected the malfunctioning engine and immediately grounded the aircraft. (Besides the seat-belts, notice the appalling condition of the fan blades.) The airline operator had to send a chunk of money to get the first engine replaced (took about 10 days). The repair contractor decided to do some impromptu inspection work on the other engines, none of which looked all that great either. The result: a total of 3 engines were eventually changed on this plane before it was permitted to fly again.

And you were worried about using duct tape to fix a broken wing-strut?

When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me that I should get it fixed.But, somehow I always had something else to take care of first, the car, fishing,always something more important to me.Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point.When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass, busily snipping away with atiny pair of sewing scissors.I watched silently for a short time and then went into the house.I was gone only a few minutes. When I came out again I handed her a toothbrush."When you finish cutting the grass," I said, "you might as well sweep the driveway."The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a limp.Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right, and the other is a husband. :black_eye:

A sweet grandmother telephoned St. Joseph 's Hospital. She timidly asked, 'Is it possible to speak to someone who can tell me how a patient is doing?'

The operator said 'I'll be glad to help, dear. What's the name and room number?' The grandmother in her weak tremulous voice said, 'Norma Findlay, Room 302.' The operator replied, 'Let me place you on hold while I check with her nurse.'

After a few minutes the operator returned to the phone and said, 'Oh, I have good news, her nurse just told me that Norma is doing very well. Her blood pressure is fine; her blood work just came back as normal and her physician, Dr.Cohen, has scheduled her to be discharged on Tuesday.'

The grandmother said, 'Thank you. Thank you.That's wonderful Dear! I was so worried! God bless you for the good news.'

The operator replied, 'You're more than welcome. Is Norma your daughter?'

The grandmother said, 'No, I'm Norma Findlay in Room 302. It's just that no one tells me jack sh-t in here.' ;);)

A pretty young Italian girl was going on a date.

Her Nonna said: "Sita here Ana letame tella you about those-a younga boys cos your Nonna knows about dis things.

He's agonna try ana kiss you, you are agonna likea dat, but don't let him do that.

He's agonna try ana kiss your breasts, you are agonna likea dat too, but don'ta let him do that.

But most important, he's agonna try ana lay on topa you, you are agonna likea dat, but don'ta let him do that. Doing that cana bring disgraca to the the whole family.

With that bit of advice, the granddaughter went on her date.

The next she'd she told grandma that she'd ben right, and her date went just like she had predicted:

"Nonna, I didn't let him disgrace the family. When he tried to do what you said,I fooled him, I simply turned over, and I got on top, so the disgrace would fall on his family"

Nonna fainted!!

Jack wakes up with a huge hangover after attending his company's Christmas Party. Jack is not normally a drinker, but the drinks didn't taste like alcohol at all. He didn't even remember how he got home from the party. As bad as he was feeling, he wondered if he did

something wrong.

Jack had to force himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins next to a glass of water on the side table. And, next to them, a single red rose! Jack sits up and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed. He looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotlessly clean. So is the rest of the house. He takes the aspirins, cringes when he sees a huge black eye staring back at him in the bathroom mirror. Then he notices a note hanging on the corner of the mirror written in red with little hearts on it and a kiss mark from his wife inlipstick:

"Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to get groceries to make you your favorite dinner tonight. I love you, darling! Love, Jillian"

He stumbles to the kitchen and sure enough, there is hot breakfast, steaming hot coffee and the morning newspaper. His son is also at thetable, eating.

Jack asks, "Son... What happened last night?"

"Well, you came home after 3A.M., drunk and out of your mind. You fell over the coffee table and broke it, and then you puked in the hallway, and got that black eye when you raninto the door.

Confused, he asked his son, "So, why is everything in such perfect order and so clean? I have a rose, and breakfast is on the table waiting forme??"

His son replies, "Oh THAT!... Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your pants off, you screamed,

"Leave me alone, I'mmarried!!"

Broken Coffee Table $239.99

Hot Breakfast $4.20

Two Aspirins $.38

Saying the right thing, at the right time ..."Priceless!"

Next time you use a pair of rubber gloves, you're going to smile when you think of this:

A dentist noticed that his next patient, a little old lady, was nervous so he decided to tell her a little joke as he put on his gloves.

'Do you know how they make these gloves?' he asked.

'No, I don't,' she replied.

'Well,' he spoofed, 'there's a building in Canada with a big tank of latex and workers of all hand sizes walk up to the tank, dip in their hands, let them dry, then peel off the gloves and throw them into boxes of the right size.'

She didn't crack a smile.

'Oh, well. I tried,' he thought.

But five minutes later, during a delicate portion of the procedure, she burst out laughing.

'What's so funny?' he asked

'I was just envisioning how condoms are made!'

Gotta watch those little old ladies! Their minds are always

working!

Thats some trip icebob, at even 5mins a visit, that would have put another 23hrs 25mins on your travelling time, but presumeably your a were un-deturd about about it.

Congratulations Mate!!!

Stuff the modesty.

Tell everyone and enjoy every bit of it. They'll enjoy chatting about your progress from hereon till you're a Jabiru Captain.

I sometimes shout out "clear prop" to my son when I start the van in the morning.

He thinks i'm some sort of "Nutta".

A tour bus driver is taking a bus load of seniors on a trip, when he is tapped on his shoulder by a little old lady.

She offers him a handful of peanuts, which he gratefully munches up.

After about 15 minutes, she taps him on his shoulder again and she hands him another handful of peanuts.

She repeats this gesture about five more times.

When she is about to hand him another batch again he asks the little old lady,

'Why don't you eat the peanuts yourself?'.

'We can't chew them because we've no teeth', she replied.

The puzzled driver asks, 'Why do you buy them then?'

The old lady replied, 'We just love the chocolate around them.'

It pays to be careful around old people.:confused::confused::confused:

P.S. Am hoping my new denture beds in soon!!!

A woman was having a medical problem - her husband was always snoring and she hardly ever got any any sleep. So she called the doctor one morning, and asked him if there was anything he could do to relieve her "suffering."

"Well, there is one sure cure but it's not particlarly cheap.

"My goodness!" the woman exclaimed, "sounds like buying an ultralight kit to keep him up all night in the shed!"

"Humm," the doctor murmured, "too obvious, huh?"

Bet there's a few on these forums that got the O.K. for the same reason!!

Tip of the day---- Sleep flat on you back fellahs, with you mouth slightly open.

;););););)

This morning I woke up in hospital with a shocking headache and my head heavilly badaged.

Last night my wife and I had just finished watching "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire" and decided to turn in for an early night. While we’re laying in bed. I looked over at her and, in my sexiest voice, asked her "Wanna have make love?"

"No." She answered.

I said, "Is that your final answer?"

"Yes." She replied.

So I said, "I’d like to phone a friend."

That’s the last thing I remember…

I can understand a lot of the guys getting excited about your sad? news/hot tip.

Dos'nt help me much though, as I live on my own:crying:

My beautiful French maid is never allowd to waste her tallents cleaning the shower ;););).------------------------------------------------------- What bull:censored:!!

Lucky Bast--rd!!

Thought that was the one.

It may not have all the "bells and whistles" compared with some of the A/C around, but that was one very nice aeroplane and I fell in love as soon as I saw it.

Take good care of it, or, i'll be chasing you with a big stick in my hand.

You don't have to tell me, I know you'd be feeling very proud of your purchase.

Could be right about Piper drivers, because the same thing happened at Newcastle a few years back with a guy in a Warrior. Must have been a chip off the same block, to coin a phrase, because he had about 300hrs on type, but so sure about the time doing pre-flight checks.

Congratulations Captain Scott,

If thats the same one I saw at Narromine about 10yrs ago which was the same colour, then you are one lucky guy, because it looked that well made that i'm sure the guy must have made violins also. However, with it's C85, it sounded heaps better. Hope you have many years of enjoyable safe flying in it.

Regards

Alan

A big welcome Christine, there's lotsa lovely guys here, some fly sims and some fly 767's, (you don't initally know who is who, co's you have'nt met them all yet , neither have I), but i'm confident that sooner or later you'll meet your knight-in-shining-armour here who is happy to do the outside checks on a hot day while you sit in the airconditioning, and most importantly will appreciate you who for who you really are. You've landed at the the right place i'm sure. Your ex. it would seem' may have made an error in judgement :censored:and may live to regret it, but you can only change the future, not the past.

Don't look back, thats only history.

Take care and keep us posted.

Alan

Why is it that sad news so often hits us at Christmas? The answer is beyond most of us.

For the comfort of any family members who might read these forums, we all have such a closeness, respect and love for people like George that money can never buy, because he was one of us. We are all feeling the sadness of the loss of one of our kind, and he will be sorely missed, but remembered with the utmost respect.

R.I.P. mate

Alan

Good Onyer Bigglesworth,

I loved it.

Sad thing is that your sense of humor must be as warped as mine.

(Nothing to be proud of)

Rgds.

Alan

Hi Decca,

Well I made it to The Oaks for a couple of hours this afternoon and it was really nice to finally catch up with Daren, his lovely wife Emma and their very well behaved kids, as well as Uncle Fred and a few others. No wonder Daren always seems to have a smile on his face. For what it's worth, he was very well behaved, maybe because his mate Disperse was'nt there to lead him astray. It was so good to see him happy after what the poor buggers been through, and his hand finally looks like it's on the mend. One of the boys took him for a fly which made his day. One day in the near future Daren and I are going for a fly together. He'll use his good hand for the flaps and control the left rudder pedal, and i'll control the stick and the right rudder pedal. Oh yes! he can also make the radio calls, as hopefully i'll be trying to get used to a new mouthful of teeth by then. Thats what real mate-ship's all about, sharing the chores!!

Sorry I did'nt get to meet you Disperse, especially after you submitting a post that you'd be there.

Next time, make sure you bring a note.

Regards

Alan

If I was flying aroud Oz covering a lot of remote areas, i'd probably like the comfort of having the system onboard, but your right in what you say, how much can you take, plus the cost factor. You only need some, to give piece of mind, not everything thats available. It reminds me of my younger days when I was buying just about all the petrol saving devices available for my first car. The problem was, that much to my dissapointment, I found that I still had to put petrol in the thing, when I ought have been given an I.O.U.

Regards Alan

Sorry you won't be able to make it Decca, it would have been lovely to catch up with you mate.

I'm hoping to make it there, so will I have a extra snag for you. Mind you, i've just had the last of my teeth out this week, so will probably have to put it through a blender first, or toss it into a spinning prop. Hope you don't mind. After all it should taste the same.

Alan

Could it simply be a case of the authorities trying to cover their arses if somthing goes wrong. They can at least say "well don't blame us, you were warned", while we all go boss-eyed reading all the signs. To say nothing about the revenue it helps to raise for those that do not comply with speed-reading the signs.

Alan

Aircraft tracker 'could save lives'

Don't touch that button either!!!!!!!!!!!!

Many years ago I supplied automatic security gates at the J.U H.I. fuel depot at Mascot, and late one evening had to carry out a service call because one of the gates had been hit by a refuelling truck. I took my young son with me for the ride, and thought he'd enjoy the airport environment. After finishing my job, I walked across the plant to inform the site superintendant and all these fire alarms were sounding.

After being quizzed, my young fellah admitted that he might have just knocked this red button while passing. Take-offs were stopped to allow fire trucks to race across the airport, and you could hear sirens in all directions with fire trucks coming from Botany, Alexandria, Rockdale and got knows where else.

Even though a call was put through to emergency services that it was a false alarm, most of them turned-up anyway. I wanted the earth to open and swallow me up, as you could imagine. Appologies all round, and I promised the Fire Chief that my size 10 boot would be swiftly planted in his backside after they'd gone. But he replied that he did'nt think that would be necessary judgeing by he stain in the back of the boys pants.

That boy is now 29 and has taken over my business, in case any of you need a similar automatic gate installations. He's promised not to even look at any red buttons, and to keep his hands in his pockets.

Alan

Was that Niki Lauder?

Who?

Lauder,

Who?

Niki Lauder you deaf Bast--d