planedriver

Good post!!

Fred and Mary got married but can't afford a honeymoon, so they go back to Fred's Mom and Dad's for their first night together.

In the morning, Johnny , Fred's little brother, gets up and has his breakfast.

As he is going out of the door to go to school, he asks his mom, "Are Fred and Mary are up yet?"

She replies, "No".

Johnny asks, "Do you know what I think?"

His mom replies, "I don't want to hear what you think! Just go to school."

Johnny comes home for lunch and asks his mom, "Are Fred and Mary up yet?"

She replies, "No."

Johnny says, "Do you know what I think?"

His mom replies, "Never mind what you think! Eat your lunch and go back to school."

After school, Johnny comes home and asks again, "Are Fred and Mary up yet?"

His mom says, "No."

He asks, "Do you know what I think?"

His mom replies, "Ok, now tell me what you think?"

He says: "Last night Fred came to my room for the Vaseline, and I think I gave him my airplane glue by mistake."

A businessman walked into a New York City bank and asked for the loan officer. He said he was going to Europe on business for two weeks and needed to borrow $5,000.

The loan officer said the bank would need some security for such a loan. The business man then handed over the keys to a Rolls Royce that was parked on the street in front of the bank. Everything checked out and the loan officer accepted the car as collateral for the loan. An employee then drove the Rolls into the bank's underground garage and parked it there.

Two weeks later the businessman returned, repaid the $5,000 and the interest which came to $15.41. The loan officer said, "We do appreciate your business and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a bit puzzled. While you were away we checked and found that you are a multimillionaire. What puzzles us is why you would bother to borrow $5,000?" The business man replied: "Where else in New York City can I park my car for 2 weeks for 15 bucks?"

"Three hundred bucks," replied the young man.

Taking out a thick fold of bills from his wallet, the owner

 

 

 

 

 



counted out $300, slapped the money into the boy's hands, and

 

 

 

 

 



said "Here's a week's pay, p--s-off now, and don't come back!"

 

 

 

Turning to one of the supervisors, he said "How long has that lazy bum been working here anyway?"

 

 

 

"He doesn't work here," said the supervisor. "He was just here to deliver a pizza!"

Welcome to the forums adamneat, you'll have fun here for sure, and we look forward to hearing more from you.

Shame the world has changed and regs won't allow you to keep the jump seat warm. It's a great seat to occupy, while you dream of getting to sit in the one in front.

Alan

Congratulations Fred. They say a slow job takes a long time;), but don't worry.at least you got there, and many don't. I know that only too well as I have been restoring a 1962 Sunbeam Alpine which I figured i'd have on the road in three months. 19 years later, i'll say no more.

Don't forget to post a picture of your pride and joy. If your too busy flying it now, we'll have to get Darren to take some pic's, he's handy with a camera.

You must be bloody proud, and rightly so.

Alan

If this is the place to which I think you are refering to, I have frequently seen flying there which is more in line with Monty Pythons Flying Circus than normal safe aircraft ops. As I understand it, the pilots of the Airvan don't even get paid for their services. The Company takes advantage of the fact that there are so many guys out there who are desperate to build their hours, and they fly pro-bono (unpaid) while the operators reap the financial rewards. I can't help wondering how long before their luck runs out, because Belfast Built Freighters were not intended to handle like Red Bull pylon racers. I sincerely hope luck remains on their side.

Flying Cowboys

What the hell gets into some of these guys?

Even guys on a "bucks nite" still have to be responsible for their actions!!

"Coyboys" like this, do not deserve the privilage to fly and should be stopped before they kill themselves and other innocent people.

Presumably the so-called instructor learned to fly at the Aviation School of Self Destruction. Fortunately I have not met, or witnessed anyone so blazee about safety, that deserves to wear a cap with "Richard Cranium" emblazened on it, but no doubt, there are a few unfortunately, who qualify for this dubious honor??.And for everones safety they should be named and made aware, to discourage them.

Alan

What a tragedy. I had my first joy-flight in an old Miles Gemini plus my first lesson in an old Auster Mk5 at Shoreham and know the area well.You often get very gusty cross-winds there, blowing straight off the English Channel.

RIP

Hey Nev. You know what they say, "time waits for no man" I think you must be the exception.

Hi Bill,

Welcome!!The more time you spend here the more you'll enjoy it.

It's a great community here, and even if you are not currently flying (like me). If you have aircraft running through the bloodstream, it's something that never seems to go away. but you can still derive one hell of a lot of pleasure from just being involved until you (make that we) have that pleasure of shouting "clear prop" again.

Regards

Alan

Hi Disperse,

Yea mate, they're about my sort of price too.

Tell you what, if you like to pay my medical bills, i'll buy one and we can share it.

They'd have to find room to squeeze one in at The Oaks

I'd prefer the Terrier on page 62, that looks a good buy, and i've always had a soft spot for one since I saw one at Bankstown and kept going back for another look.It's probably about what i've got to pay out in medical bills in the next 12mths. What a bummer, but hopefully i'll still be around after to see other enjoy theirs.

Alan

Subject: Bunnings Warning.

I'm not usually one for posting warnings but I had a close call yesterday.

I walked into Bunning's hardware at lunchtime yesterday and some old guy

dressed in a red shirt with a green apron on asked me if I wanted decking.

Fortunately, I got the first punch in and sorted the bastard out.

Those less suspecting might not be so lucky.

Spread this warning on to all your friends so at least they can be on their guard.

Hey Darren,

If you buy that MX you would'nt need to buy a Traveljohn as discussed on another thread, or even a (large??? woolwash) just wear a pair of shorts.

Alan

Super Salesman.

A keen country lad applied for a salesman's job at a city department store. It was one of those massive stores that has every department imaginable. In fact it was one of those huge stores where you could buy just about anything there.

The boss asked him, "Have you ever been a salesman before?" "Yes, I was a salesman in the country," said the lad. The boss liked the cut of him and said, "You can start tomorrow, Friday morning, and I'll come and see you when we close up."

When the boss looked up the young man the next day at closing time, he saw him shaking hands with a beaming customer. After they parted, he walked over and asked, "Well, that looked good! How many sales did you make today?" "That was the only one," said the young salesman. "Only one!?!" blurted the boss. "Most of my staff make 20 or 30 sales a day. You'll have to do better than that! Well, how much was the sale worth?"

"Two hundred twenty seven thousand, three hundred thirty four dollars ," said the young man. The boss paused for a moment, blinking a few times. "H... H... How did you manage that?!?" "Well, when he came in this morning and I sold him a small fish hook. Then, I sold him a medium hook, and then a really large hook. Then I sold him a small fishing line, a medium one, and then a big one. I then sold him a spear gun, a wetsuit, scuba gear, nets, chum, coolers, and a keg of beer.

I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down the coast. We decided he would probably need a new boat, so I took him down to the boat department and sold him that thirty five foot fly-bridge cruiser with the twin engines.

Then, he said that his Volkswagon probably wouldn't be able to pull it, so I took him to the car department and sold him the new 100 series Landcruiser, with a winch, storage rack, rustproofing, and a built-in refrigerator". The boss took two steps back and asked in astonishment, "You sold all that to a guy who came in for a fish hook?!"

"No," answered the salesman. "He came in to buy a blanket."

"A blanket?" "Yeah, an extra blanket for the couch. He told me he'd had a big blue with his misses and was sleeping on the couch. I said to him, 'Well, it looks like your weekend's f---ed, so you might as well go fishing...'"

Alien Sex

The year is 2222 and Mike and Maureen land on Mars after accumulating enough frequent flier miles. They meet a Martian couple and are talking about all sorts of things. Mike asks if Mars has a stock market, if they have laptop computers, how they make money, etc. Finally, Maureen bring up the subject of sex. "Just how do you guys do it?" asks Maureen. "Pretty much the way you do," responds the Martian.

Discussion ensues and finally the couples decide to swap partners for the night and experience one another. Maureen and the male Martian go off to a bedroom where the Martian strips. He's got only a teeny, weeny member - about half an inch long and just a quarter inch thick.

"I don't think this is going to work," says Maureen.

"Why?" he asks, "What's the matter?"

"Well," she replies, "It's just not long enough to reach me!"

"No problem," he says, and proceeds to slap his forehead with his palm. With each slap of his forehead, his member grows until it's quite impressively long.

"Well," she says, "That's quite impressive, but it's still pretty narrow ..." "No problem," he says, and starts pulling his ears. With each pull, his member grows wider and wider until the entire measurement is extremely exciting to the woman.

"Wow!" she exclaims, as they fell into bed and made mad, passionate love.

The next day the couples rejoin their normal partners and go their separate ways.

As they walk along, Mike asks "Well, was it any good?"

"I hate to say it," says Maureen, "but it was pretty wonderful. How about you?" "It was horrible," he replies, "All I got was a headache. All she kept doing the whole time was slapping my forehead and pulling my ears:crying:."

Honda have come a long way since 1962.

For the Australian market, they have now ammended these instructions to include vigorous use off the middle finger. if tootling the horn trumpet dose'nt work:laugh:

Sorry mate, but you must have read the instructions wrong. These things are to blow through to announce your arrival on finals when your radio has suffered incontinence.

Hi Juliette Lima. I have just been told by an Airbus A340 Captain friend of mine who flys long-haul that he reckons he has the answer.

He told me that he had a small minor operation a few years ago that ovecame the problem for him. As I understand it, the surgeon removed a hair from his nostril and sewed in on the end of his u know what, and when he is just about to blow a gasket ,it goes sniiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiff. End of problem till after landing.

I do hope was being fair-dinkum. but being a Pommie (like me) i'm not always sure what is the truth, and what is humor, but it sure sounds good.

Regards

Alan

How true eastmeg2. I reckon the days of secure money is well and truely over.Think we should go back to trading beads and sea-shells.

I have on old wine bottle table-lamp covered in sea-shells and an old necklace the ex-wife left behind. Maybe i'll contact Rod at Jabiru to see if he wants to swap them for a new J160? They are both in pretty good nick after all, and i'm not overly worried about getting a receipt!!!

Welcome to Sydney

Welcome to Sydney.If your looking to live in Waverley,watch out for the parking cops in the area. They're all a bunch or revenue-raising , and are notorious for what they do best, and will take all your flying dollars if they get a chance.

I live near Bankstown Airport which can have as much traffic as Pitt Street and you sometimes waste too much time on the ground. Hoxton Park is not much further away for you, and is pretty quiet, but closing next year for housing development. If you check out The Oaks, I don't think you would be dissapointed.

They're a great bunch of guys that gather there, always very friendly, and normally have the BBQ up and running on a Saturday. They'd make you feel very welcome. Good luck with the credit card problem. My girlfriend had her credit card stolen a couple of years ago and within an hour or so went on a spending spree.She reported the loss to the police immediatedly, but the bank still expected her to pay for the theives shopping trip. A friend who's an ex-bank executive told her to take the matter up with the banking ombudsmen (we did'nt even know there was one). The short of the matter was that she did'nt have to pay the debt incurred. Hope this is of some help to you.

Wish you all the best.

Regards

Alan

How to put a quick smile on your face!!

Decades ago, I was in a glider in the U.K.and found myself in the same situation.

When I mentioned my prikydickyment (deliberate spelling mistake) to the instructor, he simply reached down and produced a length of clear plastic tubing from the floor. As I was about to blow a gasket, I did what I had to do then asked whether the glider had a holding tank? He replied "no, your just spraying half the clean washing over Basingstoke, but if you don't tell anyone, I won't".

Hi David, He probably said "I knew you were waiting to catch me, so I got here as quickly as I could"

Hi zedman, sounds like a perfect way to spend a nice afternoon, while others are working their guts out:crying:.

No APEC F111 escorts this week either, to help you find the strip. You did well!!

Sunday afternoon I was at a BBQ near Bankstown Airpot and after the F111 escorted that Cessna 337 in, the sound was almost ear-splitting when he cranked on the power on departure. If the "greenies" had their way, they'd probably insist he pay a visit to Muffler Mart, or fit a nice quiet Rotax, but the rate of climb might suffer a bit.

Cheers

Alan