Captain
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Everything posted by Captain
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..... a seat that did not have a hole in it, followed by a bent piece of metal that could conceivably hold a dunny roll, but was actually for ..........
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.... welders with the ethos "They are only Truckies + they are only Mextorians, so you have to expect to break a few eggs if you want to make some omelettes". This also worked well as the lead-in mantra for his other moneymaker, the CT Cooking School, which is held in the 3-acre outdoor play area at the Men's Shed (The shed employed a switched-on accountant & had cashed in on Julia's free school shed program, after the Men's Shed had been renamed the "DG Madrassa of Peace, Understanding & Bombmaking" for 3 months until the $5 million shed grant came through). The trainee truck welders and cooks had a lot in common and always had lunch together out under the Julia Gillard Memorial Shelter Shed, when they often discussed the .......
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..... , and it is little known that Rosie is OT's nom-de-plume when contributing to the forums (fora?) on the AOPA, AAPA, OZALPA and the SAAA websites, such is OT's desire to inform all other pilots of the benefits of living in W. (Turbo, on the other hand also contributes jewels of knowledge to those Fora, but he does it just to p**% them all off, same like he does here). While DG Trucks does indeed designate "Dangerous Goods", it is also little known that the CT has a sideline building them in a production line in the DG Men's Shed, as a sideline to his Advanced Welding Course (This has been invaluable in providing practical lessons on the issues around the failure of high tensile steel after welding [and after all what are a few fatalities on the expressway out of DG, when they are only Mextorians] when welders need to be taught), where he ........
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..... giggle at the major eastern corporations like The Turbine Corporation and its titular head. After all, in W they just have to walk 25 m off any road to find gold, and to top up their bank accounts ..... nobody in W actually has to work, other than to pick up nuggets. And if a W person is doing a DIY concreting job they can get their sand from within 2 m of where they are standing. (Bunnings still cannot work out why the sales of sand are so depressed in their Trady Section). The free availability of gold nuggets has, however, caused ......
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Mind you, dear readers, Turbine Machetes are akin to a combination of Christopher Scase, Sam Bankman Fried, Bernie Madof and W's own Big Al Bond, in that they have sold thousands of their machetes and have always had six left. Just check them out on ebay, ali baba & craig's list. But also note the fine print that if you want them sharpened, they cost 4 times as much.
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.... particularly when they are not ASIC. By way of explanation, WA people often drop off the last letters of words because they are either indolent or lackadaisical or koalaful (which is the WA equivalent of slothful). Therefore, they often just say that they are from W, and they all nod knowingly, whereas the Easterners say W ------ TF? ............ and ASIC, in West Australianeze means that you are asymptomatic to sickness. But don't get me wrong, dear readers, particularly those of you from overseas (many of whom quote the NES as your prime reason to emigrate to our Great South Land), our colleagues from the W are sometimes lovely, worldly people, such as Rose Hancock, Dr. Twiggy Slight Amount of Bushyness, Marky Mark, & Prince Leonard, ........ and, of course, the W folk also like to have a good ......
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.... payment pre-approved in Vicmanistan Dinars, Sudanese Pounds, or with a written barter authorization (a WBA) for at least one 28" machete, however the office that checks such things is not open during Ramadan and will next open at 9 am on Good Friday. The only comparison between WA and Vicmanistan is therefore, that ......
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.... they ask you to pay to refuel the 90% empty fuel tank when they offer to take you for a 10-minute single circuit in their Jackoff (avrefs galore). This, and the above unblokey, crass example cited by Turbo, clearly indicates that the WA Citizenry have degenerated to simply be a bunch of c........
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The Single Route's last post reminds Cappy of the time he was driving between Mt Magnet and Wiluna and he saw a cardboard box by the road that said "Toll Boove 2 kms a head". Then below those words was written "This is a WA Gumment inishative in coop with FETA). When he pulled up at the booth, the native Toll Marshal offered him a special discount from the normal $75 to $25 (how lucky was Cappy) which he quickly paid before the official changed his mind. This was apparently a Toll road built by FETA (the Free Enterprise Tollroad Association) and they run a very tight ship, as their company car was a 1962 Holden with no bonnet or tail lights, & a wire clothes hangar (avref) for an aerial.
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..... restock the bar in the Perth head office of the WA Toll Roads Corporation, where all WA citizens are members and they can breeze in 24/7 for free grog & munchies, courtesy of the Wise Men from the East. This gave all of the WA citizenry a sense of entitlement that, dare I say, is even evident in the NES (present company excepted, of course), and this even shows itself in the way that ....
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.... WA toll roads are amongst the .....
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... Dusty O'Track in his usual Oyrish accent. "Well, we know that, as Marky Mark has handled himself bravely and with aplomb in the bearpit of WA State Politics and he is beloved by his WA peoples of all nationalities, religions and colours (where they are nearly all that poxy red ochre colour because of the constant battle, barrage, and contact with all the sand)" replied the Truckie, who obviously knew bugger all about the oppressive conditions endured by the citizenry in WA. Then Dusty chipped back in by saying "Maaate, begorra, the people of WA, under Labor, are akin to the oppressed population of Gaza under Hamas, except that in WA Labor have their tunnels & weapons stashes under the Casino, the Clock Tower, the Swan Brewery and the Perth General Hospital, where ......
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..... of the well-known and dangerous WA parasites." "No" replied Mark "I was the only politician down there" "But you pong real strong" said Cappy, holding his nose. "I have a solution" said the driver of the Freightliner B-triple (which incorporates the famous Turdbro chassis modifications), who had assumed a leadership role due to the HP of the CAT under his hood "And I propose that .......
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..... And because it was the solution that had been bubbling away for years in the longdrop that was the problem, they simply .......
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Turbo's questionable use of coconut oil (NTTIAWWT) has been well documented in the NES, about 600 pages ago, and it has been agreed, based on legal action, that the international aviation (avref) population should not be subjected to that again. It is assumed that his activities in the Outback Trucking Industry just involves similar lewd behavior, except involving more swearing, and while wearing a blue singlet, stubbys and thongs.
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...... , but as wallopers do, when they came too from their unconsionisement, they went all aggresive & one of them tazed Dusty while the other inserted his truncheon up the still flinching O'Track (NTTIAWWTE). In the meantime, several burly Turbo-like truckies had stopped to help, but every time they tied a rope around Mark and backed the truck up, the rope slipped off, as this thunderbox had also been used for quite some time as a ......
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..... down inside the well-used Long-Drop, caused by the fact that when the Patrol struck the Thunderbox, it split the seat just as Marky Mark was comfortably ....... The very Longdrop that was at the centre of the above story. Here in its heyday when it had become a WA tourist attraction (2nd only to Rottnest Island), and well before it was struck by the Walloper's Patrol, and Mark fell the fateful 10 ft.
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..... the WA Ex-Premier Marky Mark McMark, who had been navigating thunderbox to thunderbox with a severe case of the runs, but who also had a hard-earned long-term reputation of being full of ......
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..... and he thought "Geeez I wish I had a reliable and more powerful pink 1800 shaft drive Suzuki". But the jig was up and the WA Walloper's Nissan Patrol pulled in behind him, the coppers with their hands caressing their truncheons, ready for a resisted arrest, ...... which would go into the book as resisted, resistance or not. However, the Patrol snapped sideways under braking, slid on the Indian's trail of oil, and it .......
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..... mistaken for a Ulysses Club member, which means that you will need to carry a walking stick and a thermos of tea (& very likely coincidentally be a junior member of the AUF) ............ and you'll have the living crap beaten out of you by the 1%ers when you ride through a WA town on the way to your AGM when wearing your Club patch. It was Turbine Translations that altered the Sanskrit wording from "WE LOVE AND AM SKIPPIES, COO-EE" TO "F*** U AUSSIES", and TT thought that this was a huge ...... This is the patch that the 1%er club in WA found so threatening.
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...... that very day that the Gazans and the other 27 Muslim sects decided to fully assimilate, except that they told Cappy to stick his pink Suzuki. Mahommet said "These Aussies are as crazy as we are, so let's be brothers, then get me a Tooheys and a bacon McOz." It was at that very moment, dear readers, that all racial tensions eased throughout Australia, with added potential for peace in the Middle East, and all due to the sterling efforts of Ambassador/Emissary bull .............. however there was another small problem brewing when Mahommet said "Just call me Mo", but then announced that their 3 new bike clubs would be called the "Hells Prophets" the "Hamas Jokers" and the "Bandaged-Didos". The boys patched up using lots of green background with white backwards writing, and were about to ......
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.... one of them pointed out that riding a Shovel Head Harley is more dangerous than wearing an explosive vest, and each of those devices can inflict severe testicular damage on a .......
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..and always one to have regard for racial sensitivities, he specified that the How-to-Votes must be halal certified, which cost the Libs an additional $50,000 for a thousand cards.
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..... from whence Cappy broadcast the Muslim call to prayer, except that it also included a call to vote for Malcy, which brought out 3 blokes wearing explosive vests, intent on ......
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A rugged and unshaven Turbo, taking out the garbage outside Chez Turdy in Moorabbin. And here during his younger days, about when Crappy and he first became best mates. This was just after he was awarded the Freedom of Moorabbin, as can be seen, pinned on his left one.
