Captain
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Everything posted by Captain
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.... Turbo was immediately elevated to the Legend status that he deserved. After all, winning at Bunbury was the pinnacle, and the most prestigious thing that a driver could ever achieve, worldwide. Since that win, Turbo has had to knock back friend requests from Al Unser, Mario Andretti, Jim Clark, Enzo Ferrari, Fangio and Fred Offenhauser, who offered to rename his engine as the Turbohauser, in Tubb's honour. Turbo is a great driver and a very humble man, exactly similar in make-up to Valentino Rossi, but Turbo doesn't always wear make-up as much as he used to, so he often looks pretty plain in his .....
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... the WA Drop Possums are getting 10% bigger & more vicious each year, plus are much more dangerous than an 8ft goanna as they aren't scaredy cats like the Goannas, where these relatively gutless lizards run around to the other side of trees. The Drop Possums just hiss, bare their 2 inch fangs and attack without hesitation. Their tactics are to render any human unconscious from the force of the initial drop and the males will then bite & rip their victim on the throat, whereas the females will finish the victim off by strangling them with their prehensile tail. To further demonstrate what Onesie reported from his own terrifying experience, even 15 ft Saltys do an involuntary # 2s if they see a drop possum in the trees over their slide. The drop possums also completely ...... This Salty was one of the 1st to be killed, just by the initial drop, of a male Drop Possum. Easterners wouldn't believe it and the Drop Possum casualty rate amongst uncareful tourists is now many hundreds more than those taken by crocs. How lucky was OT to survive his encounter?
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.... cuddly bare bums so accurately described by OT and Turdo, so Cappy was unconcerned, and it just reminded him, fondly, of the after-party at the Wagga CWA AGM. However, when Crappy walked over to the bare bums he soon realised that they were interspersed with 6 - 8 ft goannas that were facing in the opposite direction to the koalas and their fangs were ready to ......
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....., his trigger finger twitched on his double trigger Baikal, and he played the theme from Dr Zhivago in the background, as his pet bear sat at his feet. Ed, whose real name was Eduard, had escaped Russia (what would be the odds, eh?) after Vlad had sent the Uranium Tipped Umbrella Gang after him (known throughout Russian black comedy circles as the You-TUG boys) and he'd been happy hiding out in outback western OZ, except that he'd had to dump his pet black bear with its nose ring, and substitute a koala. Ed recognized the peculiar .....
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..... widen the search using manned ultra ultra ultra ultralight drones. Meanwhile Гарольд had been left for dead beside the track and had only survived because of the ex US special forces Afghan left-behind bulletproof vest that he had bought at the Pakistani black market in Leonora. "Thank goodness that Glock was only a 9 mm and not a 10," he said as he brushed off the .....
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..... who was actually a Russian sergeant that went AWOL while fighting in Afghanistan, grew a beard and didn't wash himself or his undies for 12 months, so he qualified to come to OZ as a Govt sponsored refugee on a student visa. "What did you study when you got here?" asked Capt Andriy. "The gullibility of western societies in the Sth Pacific" replied the camel driver. "But what made you come all the way over here to a sh!thole like this?" asked Andriy. "Well, outback WA is a lot like Afghanistan was in the old feudal days before it became more advanced under the Taliban, so I've been looking for gold, and based on my genius genealogical research, Harold Lasseter was actually a Russian named Гарольд Lasseterski (ref Wikipedia), so I'm .....
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.... OT, because in WA everything dries out like they did in Egypt and once covered in sand the skin is preserved just like new. Therefore this needs no tanning and no stretching over frames ahead of application onto the Drifter ot Foxbat. So Foxbat downgraded their operations from the middle of the Ukraine war zone to the even worse conditions 10 kms west of Southern Cross, and sent teams of grave robbers out into the .....
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.... grave robbing became the next option, as suggested by ....
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..... some discipline into the Fox and Bunny populations around DG. But then the issue of the coverings for Foxbats (the Ultralight, not the Mikoyan-Gurevich MIG 25 variant) were raised by Cappy, as given the protected status of Chiroptera there is a shortage of bat skin for use on the empennages. Foxes were of little bit of a worry for a while as Ukraine was full of them, but after the Russians started eating them and stuffing their pelts with cluster munitions (some even pre-eating), they (the foxes, not the Russians) all buggered off en-masse into Poland and the poles have been harvesting pelts and selling them back to Aeroprakt at considerable profit. However, the bat killing has fueled an underground black market that has the Mexican Drug Cartels getting involved to supply to the shortage (for a while 6 square inches of bat skin was more expensive than a pound of cocaine or fentanyl). Therefore, Flying Foxes, the etymological crossover point between foxes and bats, provided the ideal opportunity for Turbine Pteropus Alecto Pty Ltd to convert 20% of their cat farms, and turn them upside down, in order to house & harvest the pelts from these smelly little ......
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..... beauty" said Turbo, referring to OT's .....
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..... that is never enough to disqualify you from promotion in CASA, so Turbo .....
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..... what made him realise, once and for all, that he could never compete with his best mate Turbo, was when a photo appeared on billboards all over the world (and in Moorabbin + also in Souther Cross) showing a disheveled Joy in the background, with an exhausted but grinning Turbo in the midground with his finger adjusting the autopilot height setting by 20 ft, ..... and also showing the altimeter moving from 5,300 ft to 5280 ft. This confirmed that Turbo is, indeed, and class act. As further confirmation of the international acceptance of his exploits, as a result of his visit to M-A-L, Turbo has been tapped by 47 to run the FAA, where the Senate has immediately confirmed him, even before it was needed and where ......
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.... as it had been a while since Turbo had experienced this type of action, and add to that the depleted oxygen at 5,300 ft, so all of his blood was immediately pumped other than to his brain, his fingernails went blue and Joy thought that she would need to insert the aircraft's cannula into his .....
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.... said into her Bose noise cancellors "Oh Turdy, I am employed at the Club and now I'd like to join it". Turbo pulled out his credit card and told her to use it to cover the joining fee and a 5 years membership, which made Joy jump with .... The rest is history, as it was all recorded by the mob who record in order to charge landing fees. They apparently thought that Turbo had come in for a landing on 5 or 6 occasions, hence why the tape is on UTube and has been listened to about 3 million times.
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.... which is sort of purposeful yet somewhat stilted (not the cheese), and that meant .....
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..... some postural issues, as it was the secret consumption of a dromadery outside Leonora that caused Quasimodo Williams to move into the bell tower & learn to speak French. The Turgidplonker, who had walked with a limp and a hunched stoop ever since Cappy accidentally shot him up the Khyber (how many times, I beseech you, was Cappy supposed to call "Who goes there" and how was Cappy to know that Turdy couldn't hear him because he was listening to a Tiny Tim concert on his crystal set?). And while the kids often call Turbo, Quasi, behind his hump, that was nowhere near as serious as what the ladies at the Rissole say about his .....
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..... to build on the rock, but not upon the sand ...... which is why WA is such a pagan & empty joint. Even the Archbishop of Southern Cross had changed the words in his sermon, and also in the hymn, to read "Do not, dear friends, listen to the wise men from the east, but use a raft foundation (as piling is of little consequence) to build upon the sand and not upon the stones, which are the devil's work, even if there were any to the west of Border Village." To which the congregation replied, "Too right, and ride on, Archy". ("Ride On" in this context refers to the propensity of the Sand Monkeys {the name used for themselves by the WA 2nd generation and later} to using camels in WA, which are not only a means of transport, but on a cold night after being out in the bush for months without a lady {after 2 or 3 months the camels also become better looking}, you can also use them as a .......
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..... bull, the gun ringer asked OT what he should do with the branding irons that he had glowing red hot and ready for action. One of them was in the sign of the .....
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..... had a beak the size of a Toucan. BBs are well known to focus the mind when you are on the receiving end, and the skinny .....
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..... that is when the solidarity & strength of Wreck Flyers all kicked in. OT jumped the midnight horror direct to DG International and all the other wrecks lined up around the boundaries to CT's compound. "Aren't you glad there is no issue in Vicmanistan with African Skinny People Gangs (ASPGs)?" asked Turbo who, with Cappy, organised a defensive perimeter based on their experience up the Khyber. The skinny persons had not seen anything similar, so they called up Jacinta on their govt issued IPhone 16 pros to report a racist defensive compound at DG, and Jazzy responded with a ".....
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..... from around their bunny parson's nose. Apart from CT always having been a rather salty (& fruity) individual, all NESers are waiting with baited halitosis for some advice as to background (or even some basic story continuity) on how CT is back and staring in the NES after demonstrably being such a ......
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..... a disused cattle trough, face down. What happened next was worse than before, and the cattle had a field day, see the below photo for those that are not squeamish. The cattle were excited to be able to lick a ...... THIS PHOTO HAS BEEN BANNED BY FACEBOOK, YOUTUBE AND WRECK FRYING, RESULTING IN CAPPY BEING GIVEN AN ENFORCED HOLIDAY BY THESE ORGANISATIONS + BY PORNHUB.
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..... the Crapster's salty tasting GF had a huge hole licked in her, where her .....
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...... a farmer and grazier who always had salt licks available for his cattle, so with his GF as solid as a rock, this was going to save him a motza, and might even put the farm back into profit. The cattle loved it, but when the Skipper saw the cattle's tongues and where they headed first on the pillar he called in his best commanding voice "Don't lick it there, and ...... One of Crappy's cattle (sporting the Cook family haircut) about the approach the pillar of salt. Cappy's GF after she became the pillar of salt. Wreck Frying and good taste forced an edit and would not allow the photo to show what it looked like any further down south.
