Captain
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Everything posted by Captain
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.... recalled the below Les Patterson humorous anecdote. But Cappy’s wariness was well founded, because he knew that .....
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..... ad been about to hand Onesie a knuckle sandwich when Jacinta, known as Jazzy to insiders like Turbo, called him again. Vicmanistanies have always regarded Turbo as a mutant cross between Alan Bond & Clive Palmer, and Jazzy was on the bite. "G'day Turbs" she said "You are one of the few people with fortune enough to bail out your beloved Vicmanistan, and I'd do anything, (repeat anything), yes anything, if you would cure our financial malaise". "Even what we spoke about last night?" responded Turbo with his hand on his .....
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.... "I really thought that having the program written on pianola rolls fitted well with the embiance of the Drifters, and would look quaint yet be effective." "I'm ok with that" replied Tubb "As I grew up in that era where pianolas were 1st introduced, but it's the peddling to make the rolls turn, while trying to fly, that is the issue, and these old pharts that are trying to learn to fly the AUF-way run out of puff real quick". "Leave it with me Turds" relied OT "I'll apply my earthmoving design skills again and develop a power takeoff that will operate off the arse-end of the rotax to power the roll, and Bob will be your Uncle, as soon as .....
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.... soft peddled, as he had always had a bit of a thing for Jac, and he had in mind to get together with her and do a bit of the XXXX'ing and XXXXX'ing that Jac had just mentioned so suggestively. But Jac had been under Dan for quite some time, so Tubb was a little coy and he felt .....
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..... "We know our Rights" & "What is this strange 4 letter word called "Gang" and WTF is a "Machete"?". But it was at night, after the rollcall and lights out, that the problems occurred, as a warder was heard to say to an inmate (now called an "honored guest" under Jacinta's rules) "It's dark and I can't see you, so open your eyes and smile ............ ah there you are." That warder was promoted within the Turbine Private Prisons (TPP) organization, but once Jacinta heard about it she went ape .....
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... use that money to buy some ochre and some gum leaves for use in a the WTC at the Moorabbin Children's Detention Centre, which is full of ....
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.... increase the specificity of the welcomes, on the basis that $750 for a Welcome to Country could also be charged for a Welcome to Suburb or to each Suburban subdistrict (Eg Chinatown). As a result, the "Welcome to Whatever" (WTW) organization was formed and registered as a subsidiary of Turbine Community Caring Inc, and this meant that even poor kids playing dibbles in a circle in the dirt could be .....
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..... were an original native people that were documented in a rock painting in the Grampians back in the dream time, but they had been given the flick by all the other mobs because they invented flanno shirts and knocked out the front teeth of all their kids. They then issued an open invitation to anyone with a front tooth missing to join their tribe .... and were flooded with applications from Collingwood supporters. So black and white flanno shirts became the rage, however all of the other tribes objected to anything white, as it triggered bad memories of invasion day (when Cooky distributed pamphlets throughout OZ titled "The Benefits of the Westminster Parliamentary System"), and this tribal objection to the Bogan mob was endorsed by the Lake Boga and Mallee Land Council, due to the fact that the Hon Sec & Treasurer of The Bogans had forgotten to send the brown envelope with the kickback cash. But Lake Boga continued to prosper massively due to the strong sales performance of bBP (bull's Boga Prawns) and the .......
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.... wait for the mess, which .....
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..... moment of concern when, in mid flight after clipping the huge casuarina next to the Big Mango, bull realised that he had left his sunnies on and .....
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.... after putting it in, and they found a solution that ....
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..... built a 25 m long deck on the trawler, moored it in McCanes Bay just off the Big Mango, and waited for the new moon. At the appropriate time in the lunar cycle, which had synchronised with Mavis, bull strapped himself into the jackoff after smashing all the globes (he had already ordered a new set of LEDs from Aircraft Spruce), told Mavis not to step on the broken glass, and to take some photos (without a flash), as he undertook a dry run just like Kirby Shambles before an air race, in preparation for commencing his take-off run, ready to head out for a Turdbro inspired short field night-time landing on the trawler, which he had renamed the "hmas bone" for this exercise. "what could possibly go wrong?" said bull as he kissed Mavis where the sun doesn't shine, which is apt, given that the night was as dark as the inside of a cow. bull had a quick pull .....
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..... 1000kgs, 150 knot cruise speeds indicated (avf'nref) and Controlled Airspace Endorsements. Turbo, who is recognised as a Wise Man from just about anywhere, (just consider how little pushback he receives, and how 100% well accepted are his tomes that opinionate on just about any subject on any thread on Wreck Flying) was an expert on aviation darkness, although he had never bothered about a Night Flying Endorsement ("The dickhead regulators (DRs) can't see you then, anyway, if you make sure that you don't have any nav or instrument lights on (so make sure you also turn off your transponder and radio)" he said to rapturous applause, in a paper that he delivered at an AUF AGM). This earnt Turbo the title of ...... Below is just a small sample of the thrill of flying at night without lights, a pastime that Turbo encourages all pilots to partake of ........ or he declares them to be "Albos" (wimps and wooses).
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..... a very cutting, yet exceedingly clever and funny response on the subject of The Turbine Pussy Farms and the fact that Turbo sometimes partakes of the ......
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..... pet .....
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...... only the 4 cylinder, when Turbo is clearly a finely tuned & fuel injected V10 or even a poxier downdraft Stromberg GM pushrod V8 in a red car from a bygone era? "I agree" commented Cappy "I have known Turbo for many decades, and he is the epitome of a Merlin if ever there was one, so if anyone really deserves to be chipped with the serial number of a Spitfire (and a Mk VIII at that) it is ...... Meg did a great job on cleaning Turbs up, as described in Tubb's last post, particularly with removing all those hundreds of rotting skin tags and the other unsightly dangly bits.
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... when she wanted to put Turbo's pride and joy into the bread slicer. Turbo bucked at that, but the bread slicer, whose name was Meg, had other .....
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.... Turbo was awarded a tall white hat and a golden staff (no, not the infection) with which to smite his enemies. This, and the fact that .....
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.... some wag Turbine Team member also named it Holy Water, which was marketed as a package with an incense burner, and sales went even ...
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..... also some pushback from Aldi, who had bought 6 billion Chinese corostami bags but all turned out to be factory seconds from 1950 and leaked immediately when the attachment tube split + broke off on 1st use. This meant that the fad had a .....
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..... massively popular L6 Fashion Parade at Myers, where Elle, Christi, Jerry, Noami and Deryn Hinch all participated and hitched up their blouses to flash their .....
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.... "sound reasoning there bull. Based on that I think I'll get one even if I don't need one, and I'll get another one fitted as a spare, just in case." When the general population found out what work Turdbro was having done, they all wanted one too. The result was a dire shortage of colostomy bags, so they had to use a .......
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..... said to the Doc "Can you also take some off my bum as well this time ..... and don't worry, I'll get the Turgidplonker back in here and up on the table, quick stix, for you to do your nip and tuck". "He'll need more than just a nip & tuck, Cappy old mate. He's a mess and has got some serios issues, but tell me, he appears to also have an old bullet wound where the sun doesn't shine. What should I do with that" replied the Doc. "That was me, mate, up the Khyber, and I plugged him close to his bullseye. I may have had a few gins when that happened, but it was a Swan Lager-soaked OT, this time, that made the mess around his tail and given that I've had a good squizz, I can no longer see how Tubb can go to the dunny unless he .....
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.... "Yes mate" replied OT "But I had to bite the last bits off like me and David Niven used to do to de-nut young rams." Turbo looked down to double check that his "young ram bits" were still there and breathed a sigh of relief, but when he looked at where his tail used to be he saw that the final job showed OT's tooth marks, including the missing ones in the front, so that Turbo's extremity where his tail used to be looked like a frill necked lizard that had been hit by a B-triple. "Geez, OT that's worse than before, and now I ......
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..... casually interested, for Cappy needed something to mask his natural musk, which has proven irresistible to the ladies over his many years, so he changed the name then patented and registered "Muff Musk Mask" which should do the trick, if he could just learn to say that 3 times in succession. But just as Cappy was curing his own oversupply of ladies issues, Turbo's time in the tub saw him converting into a half goanna/half bloke, so Cappy snapped the below photo to document the fact, and for subsequent use by the local Aboriginal group when they raised him up into the Dreaming, where the Goanna/Turbo, soon known just as The Garbo, were elevated to compete for national attention with the Rainbow Serpent. This resulted in Turbo appearing as The Garbo to huge applause, and gigantic appearance fees (excluding the essential kickbacks to the Local Land Council), at every Welcome To Cuntry throughout WA, and at ...... This is the actual photo that Cappy snapped. Turbo has always looked a bit suss, but as per his new appearance, as below, you can understand why he has now become such a gay icon, alongside Zena the Warrior Princess
