Captain

..... killing feral animals indiscriminately with a spray of 22 projectiles like those from a Wart Hog's (avref) gatling gun, plus a few domestic puppies that got in the way, about which the below song was written .....

..... he charged them well over the odds ..... then he used his legal & administrative training (Turbo was one of the few Aussies to be made a Lord in the UK, to have been admitted to the bar in France, and to have been awarded an Iron Cross in Germany) and as a QC (now a KC) Turbo defended Cappy in the court of public opinion and in the Supreme Court of Tasmania (the Tasmanians think it is "Supreme" but it is actually pretty ordinary) where Turbo made history, again, and created legal precedent, again, by ..... The Supreme Court building in Hobart, down by Consternation Dock. The Judge's chambers are downstairs via a back entrance.

This may all appear to be a little far-fetched to some of our hundreds of newer NES readers, but your Cappy can attest to its correctness, and I am certain that the TurgidPlonker will back me up on this too, as he was there and was an honoured guest on one of the 1st rides. (Turbine Muslim Enterprises (TME) actually provided partial equity funding for the burqa, at very favourable rates).

..... he had enough to buy his own ferris wheel that would be bigger than the London Eye. That was the easy part, but then he had to buy a burqa to cover it, and that ...... The below photo shows the Kabul Eye after the burqa was installed. It cuts down on the view, but is halal certified, so you can't have everything. This photo taken from Taliban HQ, approx. 7 kms away as the RPG flies (avref). This pic does not show the light on the top to warn off aircraft (avref) on approach to Kabul International Airport (avref) (presently a little smaller that DG International, but no Mafia burial complications and competing hard to be the world's greatest freight hub).

.... and Turbo had never been allowed on one, as he was always too short and too heavy, plus his parents never had the dosh (this shows just how well Turbo has done to amass his fortune, about which Twiggy & Jimmy Packer are very envious). The goats also showed surprising interest in a FW ride, so Tubb checked out the FW for IUDs (he was supposed to check for IEDs but was dyslexic) and he found one under the ..... BELOW IS WHAT TURBO FOUND. HE THOUGHT IT WAS PART OF A TESLA KEYRING.

.... centre of Tubb's chariot where Aaquel discovered Turbo's secret (which confirmed the Afghan community's belief that Turbo is, indeed, a wise man and magical engineer (Turdy is on his way to Warlord status without even having to pass GO), as there ... hidden under dust, straw, 3 manky AK47s and a few involuntary spoonfuls that Turbo had done when Aaquel's chariot had struck him, was a fibre reinforced transverse spring from a Corvette, hence the flat handling and grip exhibited by Turbo's machine which was painted Corvette red and actually went faster than the goats that were pulling it, hence why the goats ...... Dear NESers. Please excuse Crappy's artistic license, as the above happened the century before last up the Khyber, and AK's + Vettes had not yet been invented .... but you know what I am getting at, and those are fairly minor points when the story is this interesting and relevant to matters aviation (avref). TURBO'S CHARIOT LOOKED LIKE THIS BUT WITH GOATS PULLING IT AND AT 1:20 SCALE (EXCEPT FOR TURDY, WHO WAS 1:175 SCALE AFTER EATING THE WHOLE GOAT).

... the goat poo camouflaged Turbo looked identical to an Afghan rattler in 70s Russian camo (refer earlier detailed post with photo) albeit Turbo looks like a rattler that has eaten a whole goat in one sitting, horns, parson's nose and all. Aaquel dodged to the left then feinted to the right, just like Osama did before the Seals plugged him, and this meant that Turbo .....

..... Castrol R has 2 critical adverse effects on goats. The 1st is that it gives them severe runs, but that is the opposite of running fast, as Turbo found out when he was explosively spray painted without warning (not even a slight gurgle), and the 2nd is that goats .....

.... Turbo made his very crafty move that was typical of the outstanding later success he had with his speedway career and subsequently with Turbine Industries, when he .....

PS ... Her mum really liked me and thought I was suitable material to contribute to the royal gene pool. Just say'n.

Just to clarify re this issue after the several, perhaps hundreds, of phone calls that I have received from NES readers since the above post, below is the photo that Anne gave to Cappy (and which he still carries next to his heart) during their torrid relationship back in the 70s .......

.... and on the other side of the hill too .......... even way back then.

..... Afghans tribals that we were fighting. "Geez that stuff smells great, mate" they would say (but using their own colloquialisms) "Do you think that the goats would like it?". "Well" Cappy replied "This guy with me is one of the GOATs in the speedway caper" ...... even though speedway hadn't yet been invented and the chariots around the colosseum was about the best likeness .... where Turbo taught dual horse opposite lock techniques using reins. "Yes" said Turbo modestly "I am one of the best at everything I do, and we use Castrol R on the wheel spindles of the chariots ..... plus if you look closely you can see a white, green and red Castrol sponsorship sticker on the chariot that Spartacus drove in the film". The tribals were impressed with having access to somebody of Turbo's prowess, even though he was on the other side of the battle (although they sensed that a deal could be done) and the Warlord sent a message that said (note that his punctiliation exceeds that of our other great mate from Tassy who is a product of the great queenslander edumacation system) " G'day Cobbers." the Warlord said in Afghan "We are lining up the goats tonight to see how the Castrol R goes, so do you blokes want to come and have a ........ THE SOMEWHAT WORN & BATTLE-SCARRED ACTUAL CASTROL STICKER FROM SPARTACUS'S CHARIOT ... SEE MORE BELOW. (NOTE CRACKS FROM ROCKS AND DISCOLOURATION FROM BEING PELTED WITH HORSE POO). The Castrol sticker is visible just below the bloke on the left wearing the red dress.

..... self-confident arrogance that is still with him to this day. "I'm too valuable to the human race to be hurt" he would say, then and now..... and he even said it to Cappy last evening when I gave him a call to see if he was OK and to try to get his ego under control (Turbo and Cappy have been close & best great mates for the past 60 years or so, since that time posted together up the Khyber fighting for Her Maj (Victoria was "hot", a bit like Princess Anne) so we used to take the Castrol R off the monkeys at gunpoint and rub it on our .....

.... those who are prone to stroke it, of which there are quite a few in Wreck Flying, present company excepted of course. However, by using his last 30 gallons of leaded fuel and by adding Castrol R to the mix, he had the ladies & the blokes really ......

..... Instant Lottery Scratch-It cards ..... bull likes the ones where Tasmanians have to match the 3 people with the 6 heads, and also the game to match the country yokel with his sister, plus the ......

Crappy thanks Turdy for the acknowledgement of his sensitivity and states, for the record, that all other events, as mentioned by the Turdster, are true and correct.

..... he flew (avref) a victory lap, which is so named, as it allowed him to lap all but one of the P51s. The crowd with berserk and awarded .....

Your Crappy apologizes for the above typo and he was not attempting to introduce race or religion into the wonderful NES's reporting on world events. This should have read "Macca's employees" and was not referring to those hard workers who facilitate the Hajj each year.

..... particularly gorgeous geisha (as you do), while the Monkeys continued to face away & fire randomly at the crowd that had assembled to witness .....

.... a suitably armoured (Tokuji Nut proof), Snow Leopard to chase them, so that .....

... the king of the Snow Monkies, who's name was .....

.... why 50% of their staff were off work on the injured list due to Tokuji Nuts being fired from the arses of Snow Monkeys while the Mecca's employees were attempting to ...... Meanwhile Bill Gates was inventing a vaccine to counter Tokuji Nut injuries, and this one is only expected to kill 3 in 50 and disable 7 in 40 who take the 1st dose & 7 boosters as part of the compulsory campaign, which Almo has endorsed.

..... consternation, and the opposite of constipation, when .....

....., however, had a lot of respect for the efficiency of the latest D155AX-8 WH, particularly when fitted with the latest coal blade, (Masa Wuntika was a silent partner with Shibu Takamatsu [known as "Shifty" to his mates]) so the rattler gave Masa a miss and headed for Maka Turbinesu because he had never really liked their burgers and his experience was that most members of the Turbinesu family can be dicks at times, so he ......