The Never Ending Story

[hihosland]

.. .. and proved that what soars to earth must fall leaving Turbo doing his vitruvan man impression on the cobblestones,

but wait there's more

Mavis stormed onto the scene and taking firm grip on the back of his harness hauled Turbo upright and assured the onlookers from the papal contingent that that red smudge on the stones was the intended marking left by the harness's crayon.

 

The pope then suitably impressed by this miraculous turn of events immediatly proffered his ring .............

[onetrack]

..... to be kissed by Turbs - which he did without hesitation. But as he bent over in front of the Pope, the Pope whispered to him, "Where did you get that truly awful haircut? From a $10 Muzzie barber?"

Turbs replied, "To be honest, your Holiness, I got it from an Italian barber in Naples, just last week".

The Pope replied, "I don't know what the world is coming to today, it must be the Final Days, when you start to receive haircuts like that, from an Italian barber!".

At that, Mavis led a star-struck Turbs away from His Holiness' presence, and outside the Vatican, to a quiet rural spot, where Hi-Ho had just wangled a deal with the Rome Mafia to "acquire" a replacement, low hour Drifter.

"Where did you get this?", inquired Turbs in amazement. "Let's just say, we owe some guys a big favour", said Hi-Ho. "You just have to fly some heavily wrapped parcels for them, to.......

[turboplanner]

........Chicago. While many NES readers might rule out a flight from Rome to Chicago in an old Drifter as unthinkable, Turbo had been brought up in an era when kids were sent out on a tractor to a 500 acre paddock and not to come back until it was harrowed (and this was when he was five). He knew if you just stayed at it and pumped fuel into it the hours passed by, so off he set from Rome in the Leo D Vinci Drifter. He made the Canary Islands (this was in the days before pet stores had trapped and removed all the Canaries), picked up a hamburger and tank of fuel and...

[hihosland]

..... a text message from the Pope who had just been informed exactly what the red crayon marks sported by Mavis indicated about Turbo's proclivities and activities.

"Turbo sayeth the Pope, you.................."

[Captain]

..... a text message from the Pope who had just been informed exactly what the red crayon marks sported by Mavis indicated about Turbo's proclivities and activities.

"Turbo" sayeth the Pope, .................."

...... verily I sayeth unto thee that you have obviously been very busy, as evidenced by the red crayon marks that you have left on numerous Wreck Flying Forum subjects and contributors ............ BUT ........... , Monseur Turdboy, what are those blue crayon marks on the back of your ...........

[turboplanner]

..........hand. When Turbo explained, the Pope said, "Since this is 375 BC and I am Pious the third, and have similar problems I will let you off this time, but don't do it again or XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX [history does not record these words, but they caused Turbo to drop his phone out of the Drifter in mid-Atlantic.] As Turbo motored on he passed the Scilly islands and thought "Life is just like than, but.........."

[hihosland]

Thems just evidence of my bi partiship your holiness we of WF cater for all types, genders, and preferences hence the rainbow of crayons . Would you, your holiness, in a spirit of inclusiveness perhaps like to.....

[Captain]

..... don a harness (a gold crayon of course) and try your hand at ......

[turboplanner]

..........but given that Turbo had dropped his phone in the Atlantic Ocean he missed these erudite words. He put the Drifter down at Idlewild Airport thanks to an 800 km/hr tail wind and was greeted as a hero by NBC, CNN and the Wangaratta Daily, and made US$2.4 million on the talk circuit over the next six months, and then spent it on......

[onetrack]

.....the pokies in Nevada, wild wimmen, hot cars, and various other worthwhile types of spending.

 

Meantimes, the Pope was impressed with the gold harness, and the advertising wording about 'marking your flock'.

 

"My word, that's an excellent idea to sort the believers from the unbelievers!", said the Pope, as he donned the harness.

 

Just then, one of the Vatican Cardinals had wandered in, and spotted the Pope wearing the harness and thought it was some kind of new Papal vestment.

 

"You do look good in that new vestment", the Cardinal remarked. "Yes, I thought so, too", said the Pope. "The only problem is, it comes with no instructions!"

 

"Let me help you there", said the Cardinal. "It must have a tag with useage, or even washing instructions on it! Oh, here it is!"

 

"Ensure harness is fitted correctly, to record every mounting accurately".

 

"Goodness, I wonder what they mean by that?", said the puzzled Cardinal. The Pope replied, "Oh, I guess it's some kind of .......

[turboplanner]

.....insignia, a mark of courage, the sign of a great warrior, a...,,,..but out in the Vatican Squate someone began to titter; it was the Great8 Grandmother of Mavis. She was a Viking and had the irreverent genes that had been passed down to Mavis. She explained what the harness was and the Pope turned bright red and threw it off. That XXXX Turbo he yelled and everyone knew it was not going to be a quiet day at.....

[hihosland]

... Vatican square as the Swiss Guard vainly struggled to hold back the crowd fighting to their their hands on the holy harness, there being quite a shortage of suitable items to add to the reliquary in recent times creating a serious market for such items. Tragicly several stupendous cathedrals had been built and consecreated over the years without a single relic to attract the penitent cash bearing queues.

"this has to be an some antipodean plot" spluttered his holiness. "Get me George from down under and tell him in no uncertain terms ......................"

[turboplanner]

[KNOWING THAT WF MEMBERS ARE SENSITIVE TO BAD LANGUAGE WE HAVE DELETED THE DIALOGUE (WORDS).- MOD 6.

The call came as a surprise to George because he wasn’t. Catholic. He was Treasurer of the CFMAU and was used to deflecting demands for union money. He let the Pope run out of steam then said “Listen you XXXX...........”

[Captain]

He let the Pope run out of steam then said “Listen you XXXX...........”

...…… you are just 2 drops of strychnine away from a new Pope John being nominated and for the Eureka Flag to be flying (avref) over (avref) Rome and being painted on the ceiling (avref) of the Sistine Chapel, before a ……….

Edited February 12, 2020 by Captain

[turboplanner]

.....Black Plague breaks out and....

[Captain]

.....Black Plague breaks out and....

…… that desirable (but infected) Rat takes his rightful place at the head of the …….

 

DOES TURBO MEAN THE BLACK PLAGUE OR THE BLUEBONNET PLAGUE? .......... MODERATOR 5

[Captain]

Re Turbo's Black Plague Reference, NES'ers will be heartened to know …...

 

That as the old saying goes, in the city you are never more than 6 ft (or one mouse click) from a Rat. (note the clever (if not brilliant) interweave of rodent forms).

 

http://www.theskepticsguide.org/wp-content/uploads/2015/02/black-rat-19th-century-engraving-spl.jpg

[hihosland]

that Mavis after plunging him into the bleach solution has put a mini holy harness on the Rat thus turning the black plague into a whiter shade of pale.

[hihosland]

'tis a sorry state of affairs when image of Rat in harness is blocked from RF post.

 

Mavis will need to call the moderators and petition that................

[Captain]

thus turning the black plague into a whiter shade of pale.

 

And, dear readers, the HiHiSlanderer has reverted to his hippy days when this song was released on the 12th May 1967, a day that HiHo remembers well, as that is one of the days when he got one. Congrats Heidi.

 

https://www.bing.com/videos/search?q=whiter+shade+of+pale&&view=detail&mid=C1974FB906AF6E429AA9C1974FB906AF6E429AA9&&FORM=VRDGAR&ru=%2Fvideos%2Fsearch%3Fq%3Dwhiter%2Bshade%2Bof%2Bpale%26FORM%3DHDRSC3

[Captain]

ANY MENTION OF THE TERM "HAREM" WILL HENCEFORTH BE REMOVED IMMEDIATELY & THE POSTER GIVEN A HOLIDAY (HIHO IS ON HIS 1ST WARNING FOR HIS DEBAUCHED POST # 11893), AS MANY OF THE MODERATTI KNOW EXACTLY WHAT IS INVOLVED IN SUCH HAREM-IC FILTHY PRACTICES ……… MODERATOR 8.

[turboplanner]

HiHo was mortified at getting a warning for debauchery, and looked again at post #11893. If only he could delete it as he used to in 2011 on a regular basis, but there it was marking him for all time as a debaucher. His greatest fear was that the Gippslander would pick up the story (Country Editors scoured the NES for a whiff of scandal), and he would be exposed to the local townspeople, and they told.......

[hihosland]

...him that there was not a problem in these revelations as

flock marking harnesses have not been news in Gippsland

since 1939.

And much later when Turbo heard the lyric

 

"And so it was that later

As the miller told his tale

That her face, at first just ghostly

Turned a whiter shade of pale

She said, "There is no reason

And the truth is plain to see"

 

me sister's and me mother's name is Mavis so you.........................

[turboplanner]

......go and have a pee.”

 

This shocked Moderator 3 so much that he...

[Captain]

....... or she (NTTIAWWT) blurted out XXXX Me and submitted an Agenda Item titled "XXXic Hair and Harems" for the biannual meeting of WF Moderatti, held each 6 months at the Tiara Casino and XXXXXXX Parlour in Wooloomooloo.

 

In response, the Grand Poobah of the Moderatti circulated a note that said "Nobody is to mention Hair or Harems unless .......

 

[Thousands of WF members were following developments closely thereafter, as this has undertones of the LOB's "Let me make this perfectly clear, that nobody is to stone anyone until I say Jehova."]

 

The Grand Poobah of the Moderatti is shown below with HiHo in chains, being guarded by the new boy, Moderator 17. Planey and some of the usual WF members can be seen in the background at right.

 

Edited February 13, 2020 by Captain